Alex: “In the night, you’re hot and dry, but I like it in the morning when you are like hot and moist and soggy.”

Evelyn: “All day long, while we’ve been doing stuff, my [Chinese] penpal has been sleeping.”
Alex: “Is she nocturnal?”

::Alex quietly sobbing::
Me: “What’s the matter?”
Alex: “I just love Mama so much.”
Me: “I love you so much, did you know that?”
Alex: “Well I love you just okay.”
::Me, laughing::
Alex: “Why are you laughing?”
Me: “It’s kind of mean to say you love Mama so much and me just okay.”
Alex: “Well…I love you a LOT just okay.”

::Showing Oliver a piece of paper with a drawing he made on it::
Me: “Did you draw this?”
Oliver: “You can delete it.”

I mean, this is the boy who tried to use an Etch-a-sketch as a touch screen, so….

Alex: “Aphrodite must have made me because I love mama!”

Sara: “The garage door just opened and closed.”
Sara: “…I guess that’s what amounts to news these days.”

Alex: “Daddy’s going to get old and die first because he’s already 40.”

Alex: “What’s that word…exertaining?”
Sara: “…entertaining?”
Alex: “Yeah, entertaining! Entertaining me is more important than talking to Evelyn.”

We were on a Zoom meeting with 200+ young kids, and it was a madhouse, everybody talking at once. Total chaos. Finally, having had enough, the flustered moderator muted everybody…including the person who was supposed to be presenting. Into the sudden, total, deafening silence came the moderator’s crystal clear, “Shit!”

Alex: “Can you take off your glasses? I’m going to be on your head a lot.”

Person who doesn’t wish to be named: “The elephants were humongous! They were bigger than DAD!”

I mean, I know it’s hard to believe, but an elephant is actually *slightly* bigger than me.

Sara, walking outside: “There’s another Covid coin. It’s a penny. I’m leaving the pennies, but I’d get Covid for a dime.”

Alex: “Too bad for the coronavirus because I like to eat snow!”

We all have to suffer in these trying times.

Sara: “Okay, the three books and the googly eyes will arrive Wednesday night.”

So I guess we’re all set for a global pandemic then! What more could one need?

Alex: “Can you just stop making me baked goods??”

Yes sir, reaaaaly suffering over here…

Alex: “Why don’t you work anymore? Oh, is it because Coronavirus came to your work?”

Sara: “If you get it I’m going to get it because I can’t open the espresso maker on my own.”

Sara: “Did you touch the banister? I don’t know what to clean. I don’t clean things. You’re asking the wrong person.”

Alex: “What are we looking for on this scavenger hunt, people with the coronavirus?”

Evelyn: “I don’t really like it.”
Me: “Yeah, well, we’re in the middle of a quarantine, so sorry if you have to eat fresh baked bread.”