Alex: “In the night, you’re hot and dry, but I like it in the morning when you are like hot and moist and soggy.”

Evelyn: “All day long, while we’ve been doing stuff, my [Chinese] penpal has been sleeping.”
Alex: “Is she nocturnal?”

::Alex quietly sobbing::
Me: “What’s the matter?”
Alex: “I just love Mama so much.”
Me: “I love you so much, did you know that?”
Alex: “Well I love you just okay.”
::Me, laughing::
Alex: “Why are you laughing?”
Me: “It’s kind of mean to say you love Mama so much and me just okay.”
Alex: “Well…I love you a LOT just okay.”

::Showing Oliver a piece of paper with a drawing he made on it::
Me: “Did you draw this?”
Oliver: “You can delete it.”

I mean, this is the boy who tried to use an Etch-a-sketch as a touch screen, so….