From the Mouths of Babes

Quote Monday is a teenager

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Evelyn, 4 days before her birthday: “Only 4 days left of being a kid!”

Nice try, but 13 is still a kid.

Me: “Let me see the picture.”
Me: “Kissy lips? KISSY LIPS??”
Evelyn, exasperated: “That’s how you take a selfie!”

Alex: “Are dragons real?”
Sara: “What do you think?”
Alex: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Well, I think people saw dinosaur bones and imagined dragons.”
Alex: “Well I’m thinking of REAL dragons, not maaaagical dragons!”

Alex: “What did that sign say?”
Sara: “Deaf.”
Alex: “What does deaf mean?”
Sara: “Can’t hear.”
Alex: “What does deaf mean!?”
Sara: “Can’t hear.”
Alex: “What does deaf mean?!!!!!”
Sara: “Can’t hear.
Alex: “WHAT DOES DEAF MEAN?!?!”
Sara: “Evie, can you tell him what it means?”
Evelyn: “It means you can’t hear.”
Alex: “OHHHHH!”

Quote Monday is living the quarantine life

/ Shane / Leave a comment

<Kids (wrongly) saying tortillas are better cold>
Me: “Zoey, do you want your tortillas toasted, or are you abnormal?”
Zoey: “Both?”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell me right away?”
Alex: “Because Ollie thought we would get in big trouble!”

Seems so obvious, in retrospect.

Me at 12:58: “Oh!  My meeting is at 1, and I just took my shirt off!”

Me: “You look cute.”
Sara: <Looks down at her tye dye shirt, eyebrow raised>
Shane: It’s not your outfit. It must be that you went out in the real world.”

Quote Monday is really good at evil

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Alex: “How am I going to remember? You could leave me a note.”
Sara: “I can’t leave you a note.”
Alex: “Oh yeah, I can’t read!”

::Alex playing imaginary with Sara::
Alex, handing Sara a guy: “You’re him… because you’re really good at evil!”

Alex: “I want to get a parrot. Did you know that if you say inappropriate words it will repeat what you say?”

Quote Monday wants to live fast and die young

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Alex: “Well, sometimes ‘pretty soon’ is not pretty soon to me.”

Sara: “…a random movie, like…Leave it to Beaver.”
Evelyn: “Leave it to Beaver????? Oh, did you say Leave it to Bieber?”

Alex: “But if I hurry and get ready for bed really fast, you don’t read any more stories, so my night is just longer!”

Alex: “Me and daddy are equal at soccer but Ollie’s really good, so me and daddy have to be on the same team.”

Alex: “I think I going to smoke cigarettes when I grow up.”
Sara: “But they make you die earlier. Like if you didn’t smoke cigarettes, maybe you’d live to 90, but if you did maybe you’d only live to 70.”
Alex: “But what if I don’t like my children or grandchildren?”

Quote Monday is moist and soggy

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Alex: “In the night, you’re hot and dry, but I like it in the morning when you are like hot and moist and soggy.”

Evelyn: “All day long, while we’ve been doing stuff, my [Chinese] penpal has been sleeping.”
Alex: “Is she nocturnal?”

::Alex quietly sobbing::
Me: “What’s the matter?”
Alex: “I just love Mama so much.”
Me: “I love you so much, did you know that?”
Alex: “Well I love you just okay.”
::Me, laughing::
Alex: “Why are you laughing?”
Me: “It’s kind of mean to say you love Mama so much and me just okay.”
Alex: “Well…I love you a LOT just okay.”

::Showing Oliver a piece of paper with a drawing he made on it::
Me: “Did you draw this?”
Oliver: “You can delete it.”

I mean, this is the boy who tried to use an Etch-a-sketch as a touch screen, so….