Quote Monday goes fliparoonies

Alex: “The last donut made the ouchies feel better.”

Same.

Alex: “Today we’re going to go to the museum.”
Me: “Oh yeah? You have to talk to Vania about that. She might say, ‘We already went to the museum this week, I want to go somewhere different.'”
Alex: “Yeah, she might say, ‘I’m tired of museums, today I want to go FLIPAROONIES!”

Alex: “[Ollie]’s up from the table. I assume he’s not going to have dessert?”

You know, at least if he’s repeating you it means SOMEBODY has heard you!

::guy aggressively tailgating me::
Me: “This guy is literally in my trunk.”
::The blood drains from Ollie’s face as he slowly turns to look behind him::

Okay, that one is on me, although I’d like to think I would have been a little less calm if there was *literally* a guy in the back of the car!

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Quote Monday is from a different generation

Sara: “What’s your homework?”
Evelyn: “I need to practice clarinet and reed. Get it? Reed?”
Sara: “Wakka wakka.”
Evelyn: “Is that the ‘ba dum ching’ of your generation?”

Evelyn: “Does this look like a sheep?”
Me: “…yes.”
Evelyn: “No it doesn’t, but thank you for being a good daddy.”

Alex: “It was *literally* on the edge of the balcony!”

At least he didn’t mean figuratively…he really was literally on the edge of the balcony.

::Alex, giving me a big hug::
Alex: “I love you.”
Alex: “But I also hate you.”

Quote Monday glows in the dark

Alex: “I spy with my little eye something helmety.”
Sara: “Is it that helmet?”
Alex: “Yes!”

Alex: “I saw the truck with the body parts!”
Sara: “The ‘body parts’ are called antlers.”

Ollie: “For supper, can we have BFGs or whatever they’re called?”
Sara: “BLTs??”

Maybe he was hoping for a bacon, fig, and Gruyere?

::Dark, quiet hotel room::
::Tremendous sneeze::
Ollie: “My snot glows in the dark!”

Quote Monday is back from vacation

::Driving around some hairpin turns::
Evelyn: “Well, my sweatshirt’s brown now. We came around a corner, and I had a gasp, and…. I spilled some hot chocolate.”

She wasn’t the only one turning her sweatshirt brown during some of those mountain drives….

::Outside of Wall Drug::
Alex, excited: “Is this Walmart??”

Me: “We have seen buffalo coming out of our wangs!”
Sara: “Why would you say that?!”
Me: “What are you supposed to say again…oh, oh, wazoos!”

Sara, to the kids: “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Me: “Not as beautiful as the Bee Movie starring Jerry Seinfeld, apparently.”

Free (Audio) Fiction by Me

(OMG a purple HP Lovecraft peeking out over a small town!)

This story was previously available in print, but I’m VERY please to say they have produced it in audio as well! I am always happy when I can share a story for free to a wider audience!

As long time readers know, I love the horror genre to death, but I write precious little of it these days. So if you’re in the mood for something creepy, see how this strikes you:

It’s an alt-history, steampunk (ethanol-punk?) Civil War / Lovecraft mashup in epistolary format. So if Civil War-era mechs battling tentacle beasts from space is something that sounds like it will appeal to you, 1) you should check this out, and 2) you’re my kind of person.

Listen now!

Quote Monday leaves the big city

::Visiting Muncie, Indiana::
Ollie: “You don’t even have to look both ways before crossing the street!”
Me: “You always have to look before crossing the street.”
::Car passes::
Ollie: “No, see! You can *hear them coming*!”

Evelyn: “This is the kind of street you only read about in books. Where your best friend lives next door.”

Alex: “A pencil!”
Sara: “Just leave it.”
Alex: “But I need it!”
Sara: “But you have many at home.”
Alex: “But I need many and one.”

::On the eve of Evelyn’s birthday::
Evelyn: “Just think 2 years from now I’m going to be saying, ‘this is my last day as a kid’.”

Uh huh.

Alex: “I’m going to weigh myself.”
Me: “What does [the scale] say?”
Alex: “It says big boy!”

Quote Monday obliterates the summer reading program

::Evelyn turning in her Summer Reading Program sheet after the first week::
Girl: “And you read all of these?”
Evelyn: “And these six here. I ran out of room.”
Girl, under her breath: “Jesus Christ.”

Ollie: “We’re soldiers. Play us a marching song.”
Alex: “Jingle bells jingle bells…”

Alex: “We’re going to have pancakes for breakfast!”
Sara: “Oh yeah? Did Daddy tell you that?”
Alex: “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh… I tell’d him that.”

Alex: “My pizza cutters are missing!”
Me: “Oh no we need a detective!”
Alex: “No, we need those pizza cutters.”
To be fair, it is hard to cut pizza with a detective…