Ollie: “Grandma, grandma, dad can burp on command!”
Grandma Kathy: “Oh. Actually I can too. BURP”
Like mother, like son!
Sara: “Ollie, do you know what a toaster strudel is?”
Ollie: “No…but I know how to straddle a toaster.”
<Uproarious laughter>
Ollie: “So, what’s a pasta strudel?”
<Looking at Velveeta>
Alex: “What’s that yellow stuff?”
It’s not cheese, buddy, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
Evelyn: “I really want to be in one of those cool experiments where they make you torture people to see how far you’ll go!”
Sara, to Evelyn: “Can you do me a favor? Can you keep a spreadsheet of your babysitting money? I want to talk to you about retirement.”
It’s never too early to talk about retirement…
Sara yelling: “There’s butter on the floor!”
Ollie: “Ah, that’s where it went!”
Evelyn: “One time I decided I was going to invent a new letter but I put my mouth in all the shapes and I couldn’t make a new sound.”
Alex: “Yeah, this is my kind of story! I love curse words!”
Alex: “I think there are some rumors about Christmas and St. Nicholas. Like, there can’t be some random dude riding down from the sky on a sleigh. Science won’t allow it!”
Uh oh.
But then again, also Alex: “If you hear me talking in my room don’t ask me about it, I’m just talking to Santa.”
Alex: “Why is it super common now for doggies to wear clothes?”
Oliver: “I never got to have alone time with mom and dad, there was always an older kid or a younger kid!”
Evelyn: “Well, when mom and dad are really old and they need someone to watch them, you can take them and spend as much time with them as you want.”
Alex: “Is it just me? But when I wink my whole face goes sideways.”
Alex: “I can read this word.”
Sara: “Toilet?
Alex: “Yeah. It says it in a lot of the books I read.”
Alex yelling from timeout: “I space W-I-L-L space c-word space Y-O-U space s-word period!” (C word being kill and S word being stupid.)
Alex, eating M&Ms from Halloween: “They are a fun size!”
Alex: “Did you know 60 milliseconds is a second?”
Evelyn: “Did you know 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance?”
Alex: “I never knew that!”
Literally the only person on Earth.
Alex: “My favorite is –“
Me: “Your favorite daddy?”
Alex: “My favorite daddy is…. Mommy.”
Alex: “What are these called?”
Sara: “It’s an old candy called Dots.”
Alex: “What do they taste like?”
Sara: “Not much of anything.”
Alex: “Oh, they’re from before there was flavor?”
Sara: “….yes.”
Sara: “Evelyn is super modest.”
Evelyn: “With my clothing choices, not my personality!”
<absolutely nobody>
Ollie: “Whooooew!”
Me: “…”
Ollie: “If I could have whistled, I would have. There’s a lot of math problems!”
Shane Halbach 