Quote Monday lives fast and dies young

Ollie: “I know 7 bad words.”
Alex: “Oh I know WAY more than that!”

Alex: “I’m kinda if sad I gave you that check. I wanted to put it in the bank.”
Sara: “Oh, for college money?”
Alex: “No, that’s silly! To buy one of those things….hmmm… For when I’m a grown up? Um, what’s it called…it’s black….a coffin!”

::Alex doing a double take::
Alex: “Oh, for a second you looked like The Lord.”

Eventually we figured out “The Lord” meant “The Emperor” from Star Wars, which was perhaps less surprising (we did just watch Return of the Jedi), but…seriously dude? I’m only 41!

Quote Monday Celebrates Christmas

Evelyn, wistfully: “I can’t wait until I’m in college. I’m going to have a flat screen tv!!”
::Sara and I exchanging glances, knowing we had a 55 inch flat screen tv wrapped and hidden in our room for months::

Alex: “Plain black pants go with everything, but gray pants only go with a few species.”

Alex: “I’m trying to eat breakfast and then here comes Ollie and he’s like, ‘I don’t know what to get, so I’m just going to do a silly dance!'”
Me: “Yeah, Ollie is pretty good at distracting you.”
Alex: “Well, he does it because he loves me and wants me to be happy.”

Awww! This is both sweet and 100% accurate on all counts.

Quote Monday has good posture

Evelyn: “I guess I have good posture because I’m always sticking my nose up in the air.”

::Me, doing push ups::
Evelyn: “Now, I’ve never actually heard someone giving birth, but…”

Sara: “I don’t like to do push ups around you, I like to do them in private.”
Evelyn: “Because we all toot?”

Alex: “Now I need to find my famous pants, that I wore three days in a row!”
As an aside: “That’s why they’re famous.”

Quote Monday has an average Halloween

Me: “Anybody who is not in their room by the time I count to five has to clean a toilet!”

(Sara made me write that one down!)

Me: “Alexander, did you open that lip balm after we told you not to??”
Alex: “Well… It was a couple of hours AFTER you told me not to…”

Alex: “This is the best Halloween I’ve had in like a year!”

Quote Monday is fond of squirrels

Evelyn: “Does this outfit look like something a teacher’s pet would wear? Because it’s really hard to convey that over zoom.”

Me: “Will you do a beauty salon on me sometime?”
Alex: “When you get more hair.”

Alex: “What does fond mean?”
Me: “It means you like something. Like if I said I’m fond of you it means I like you!”
Alex: “I’m very fond of Mommy.”

lolsob

Crossword clue: Your nephew’s sister is your ______.
Alex, without hesitation: “Your wife!”

Evelyn: “…and we had this jingle that went like — OH MY GOD IS THAT SQUIRREL WEARING SHOES??”
Me: “That’s a terrible jingle.”

(I never did see if the squirrel was wearing shoes)

Evelyn: (while holding up a huge knife) “This would be great in the zombie apocalypse.”
Alex (who I will remind you is only 4 years old): “You don’t need a knife.  You only need a bat.”

And that, my friends, is called good parenting!