Quote Monday is my favorite

Alex: “My favorite is –“
Me: “Your favorite daddy?”
Alex: “My favorite daddy is…. Mommy.”

Alex: “What are these called?”
Sara: “It’s an old candy called Dots.”
Alex: “What do they taste like?”
Sara: “Not much of anything.”
Alex: “Oh, they’re from before there was flavor?”
Sara: “….yes.”

Sara: “Evelyn is super modest.”
Evelyn: “With my clothing choices, not my personality!”

<absolutely nobody>
Ollie: “Whooooew!”
Me: “…”
Ollie: “If I could have whistled, I would have. There’s a lot of math problems!”

Quote Monday feels superior

::Long silence in car::
Sara: “Ollie, what are you thinking about?”
Oliver: “Oh, how many barbershops I can name.”

Me: “Ollie, why are you climbing the couch like that?”
Ollie: “I…I got the zoomies.”

Sara: “What are you most looking forward to for school?”
Evelyn: “I’m looking forward to feeling superior to other people.”

Quote Monday chats up the ladies

Alex: “It’s kind of inefficient to go to bathroom and then get a drink of water.”

Boy at pool, hitting on Sara: “Hey what’s your name?”
Sara: “Sara. What’s your name?”
Boy: “Aiden. How old are you?”
Sara, wondering where this is going: “40.”
Sara: “How old are you?”
Boy: “11.”
Boy: “Do you say bad words and stuff?”
Sara, trying not to laugh: “No, not usually.”
Boy: “Do you smoke?”
Sara: “No. Do you smoke??”
Boy: “No.”
Boy: “So, where are you from?”
Sara: “Illinois.” 
Boy: “Are you from Collinsville?” (St. Louis border town, pop. 25k, so the odds here were not great)
Sara: “No.”
Boy: “Where are you from then?”
Sara: “Chicago.”
Boy: “Cool.”

Nathan: “You know Ron from Harry Potter? He bought an ice cream truck and drives around the countryside giving out ice cream.”
Alex: “No spoilers!!”

When you’re raising a D&D kid:

<Alex falling off his bike>
Me: “Oh no are you okay? Did you scrape your knee?”
Alex: “No, it was more like bludgeoning damage.”

Quote Monday is controlled by snakes

Absolutely no one:
Alex: “If someone says, ‘That’s my guessssss!’ they’re probably being controlled by a snake.”

Me: “Will you draw an invisible picture for me?”
Alex: “Here it is!”
Me: “What is it?”
Alex: “It’s as big pile of inappropriate words.”

Alex: “I just got water up my nose. It feels like getting tested for Corona.”

It is both hilarious and deeply sad that this is a sentence that made sense to everybody.

Quote Monday Causes Trouble

Oliver: “Wait what did Evelyn not want me to do? I want to do it.”

Oliver: “That looks…not very safe. And fun!”

Sara: “What’s your favorite toy in the bath?”
Alex: “I gotta say air. It keeps me alive.”

Watching Star Wars:

Alex: “They’re over there doing all the romance while the fight is going on!”

Evelyn, in regards to Kylo Ren: “That’s why you don’t put an emotional teen in charge of the army!”