Quote Monday is fond of squirrels

Evelyn: “Does this outfit look like something a teacher’s pet would wear? Because it’s really hard to convey that over zoom.”

Me: “Will you do a beauty salon on me sometime?”
Alex: “When you get more hair.”

Alex: “What does fond mean?”
Me: “It means you like something. Like if I said I’m fond of you it means I like you!”
Alex: “I’m very fond of Mommy.”

lolsob

Crossword clue: Your nephew’s sister is your ______.
Alex, without hesitation: “Your wife!”

Evelyn: “…and we had this jingle that went like — OH MY GOD IS THAT SQUIRREL WEARING SHOES??”
Me: “That’s a terrible jingle.”

(I never did see if the squirrel was wearing shoes)

Evelyn: (while holding up a huge knife) “This would be great in the zombie apocalypse.”
Alex (who I will remind you is only 4 years old): “You don’t need a knife.  You only need a bat.”

And that, my friends, is called good parenting!

D&D For the Family

Someone familiar to readers of this blog would like to announce her latest project: a new website, D&D For the Family!

At D&D for the Family, we believe in making non-violent D&D adventures for those who are DMing for kids. D&D for the Family is a website filled with tips for DMs on how to DM for children, non-violent campaigns, adventures, and short one-shots, and so much more.

I encourage you to check out her site, and subscribe for weekly tips in your inbox!

Quote Monday is back from vacation

::7:30 am::
Sara: “Tell your brother to get dressed and be down in 10 minutes.”
Alex, going up the stairs: “Be down by 10!”
Sara: “Maybe he was not the best choice of messenger.”

Alex: “The sky is blue. Like *actually* blue. Usually the sky is colored pencil blue but this is crayon blue.”

Ollie: “No matter where you are in the world, it’s better to pee more than to pee less.”

Evelyn: “Divergent is the 4th best thing in the world, after Hunger Games, D&D, and chocolate.”

It is a pretty select list, if there are 2 things ahead of “chocolate”…

Sara: “Ollie, I need a drinking buddy.”

Oliver: “Do you know what supervision means?”
Alex: “It’s like when you blast people with your eyes!”

Quote Monday is a teenager

Evelyn, 4 days before her birthday: “Only 4 days left of being a kid!”

Nice try, but 13 is still a kid.

Me: “Let me see the picture.”
Me: “Kissy lips? KISSY LIPS??”
Evelyn, exasperated: “That’s how you take a selfie!”

Alex: “Are dragons real?”
Sara: “What do you think?”
Alex: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Well, I think people saw dinosaur bones and imagined dragons.”
Alex: “Well I’m thinking of REAL dragons, not maaaagical dragons!”

Alex: “What did that sign say?”
Sara: “Deaf.”
Alex: “What does deaf mean?”
Sara: “Can’t hear.”
Alex: “What does deaf mean!?”
Sara: “Can’t hear.”
Alex: “What does deaf mean?!!!!!”
Sara: “Can’t hear.
Alex: “WHAT DOES DEAF MEAN?!?!”
Sara: “Evie, can you tell him what it means?”
Evelyn: “It means you can’t hear.”
Alex: “OHHHHH!”

Reflections on Turning 13

As a person who was thirteen once, surely, I have advice to give:
Don’t invite strangers when you’re alone.
Always carry a quarter so you can call home.
Be home by dark if you must roam.
Use proper etiquette when answering the house phone.

Alas, as a once-thirteen-years-old
(It’s been a bit since ’93)
The world’s moved on, it’s not the same
So my advice is rusty.

I must therefore learn what it is to be thirteen today
by watching you, my daughter dear.
After careful observation I have to say,
A certain view appears:

To be thirteen is Hunger Games discussions ‘round the clock,
And using Zoom in closets so your friends and you can talk,
And making plans and hopes and dreams and D&D campaigns,
And helping little brothers with cooking, books, and games,
And singing songs, even after we’ve asked you to stop (twice),
And being a responsible PTA mom, always ready with advice,
And ears that reject earrings, unless you wear them back to front.
All these things and more, in fact I’ll just be blunt:
Pretty and strong, successful and kind, good at everything you do,
A singer, dancer, book-worm, and perfectioniser too.

And now at last there comes the day,
Your count is down to zero.
You’re finally a teenager – hooray!
Love, your big old daddy-weirdo.