Hard hitting, investigative journalism

As some of you may recall, we have been feuding with Whole Foods over their multi-grain crust pizza for several years.

So imagine my surprise when I open up the school newspaper and find that, after dipping her toes in with a few puff pieces, an intrepid reporter had made her first foray into the world of investigative journalism. There it is, in black and white: an exposé!

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I, for one, am glad that a journal of the HIGHEST INTEGRITY has finally decided to shine the HARSH LIGHT OF TRUTH on one of the great stories of our day, and I applaud this reporter, whoever she is, for having the gumption to stick up for the little guy!

(Seriously, this daughter of mine. Sometimes I just don’t even know what to do with this girl…)
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Quote Monday is a chip off the old block

Sara: “No, no more bacon.”
::Taking away the bacon::
Alex, wailing: “Do you want me to die??”

Alex: “Where’s Evie?”
Vania: “She went to school.”
Alex, getting angry: “Well I know where school is, I’m going to drive there myself!”
Alex: “Can you help me put on my shoes?”

Alex: “Why is it dark outside?”
Sara: “Because you’re wearing sunglasses, goofball.”

Ollie: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Alex: “A teenager!”

Quote Monday is running out of patience

Alex: “What are you playing?”
Grandma Kathy: “It’s called words with Friends.”
Alex: “Can I play?”
Grandma Kathy: “You don’t know how to spell!”
Alex: “I know how to spell Alex! A-L-E-X. Can I play now?”

Alex: “Grandma, I told you three times already! I am running out of patience!”

Alex: “I wonder what my kids will be named?”
Sara: “You know you get to name your kids?”
Alex: “Huh”
Sara: “What would you name them?”
Alex: “Evie and Ollie, so they’d always be with me!”

Alex: “I am not going to bed without dessert! I am going to get up in the night, and…dance!”

Well, that will teach us.

Quote Monday prepares for the Polar Vortex

::At the grocery store::
Alex: Why do they put all the honey in bears? Do they sell it to bears??”

Alex: “Do you guys sleep?”
Alex: “I thought maybe your bed was just for pretending to sleep.”

Sara: “I remember what I said that made Alex laugh so hard he peed his pants! I said, ‘Little  House on the Potty!'”

Ollie: “Alex, if you could have anything in the world, what would you want?”
Alex, without hesitation: “Scissors!”

We were stocking up on the essentials before the Polar Vortex sets in: milk, coffee, etc.
Alex: “How are we on ice cream?”

Quote Monday makes me feel old

Evelyn: “It’s so nice to feel the wind in your hair!”
Evelyn, to me: “…I’m sorry if that was rude.”

Me: “Before there were apps to tell them where to pick you up, you had to hail a taxi. Like put your arm up and whistle. Now we just use the app.”
Ollie: “Yeah I know. I’ve read books from back then.”

Me: “She is not going to like that fruitcake. When your mama says you’re not going to like something, they’re usually right.”
Alex: “Except I don’t like broccoli and Mama says I have to like it.”

New Fiction – The Last Squirrel Keeper in Analog!

Catch a new story by me in the January / February issue of Analog, in bookstores / on sale now!

It’s always exciting to be in Analog, of course, but THIS month, my name made the cover!

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Imagine someone picking up a magazine and going, “Huh, a new story by Shane Halbach?”

I can’t even.

BUT IT GETS BETTER!

As if that weren’t enough, I flipped open the magazine to this PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, MULTI-PAGE illustration of my story:

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There are not enough hearts-in-eyes emojis to properly demonstrate my feeling about this illustration.

In Regards to 2018

Because my birthday comes right at the top of the year, it is often a good time to look back on the previous year and reflect. Usually when I write up my birthday / reflection post, I look back at the previous year’s post to see how far I’ve come, but I forgot to do that this year.

I went back and took at look at it now, and…yowza! I guess I was already starting to forget how stressful 2017 was. I said in last year’s post:

At the very least I’m hoping for a calm, uneventful 2018, after which we will look back on 2017 and see it for the aberration it was.

So I guess the good news is that 2018 wasn’t NEARLY as stressful as 2017. Not to say it was all rainbows and unicorns….there was THE GREAT FROZEN PIPES incident of 2018 and that time I got shot, but luckily those were the exceptions, not the rule.

I am physically the healthiest I’ve been in decades, and I am mentally light years ahead of where I was in January of 2018. There are still some big things with the house on the radar, and of course you never know when calamity can strike, but