Sorry guys, a little short this week…

Ollie, pointing to heaven: “Remember when I was up there and I was tooting and it was all falling down on Mama and Evie?”
Me: “No, I don’t remember that.”
Ollie: “Well I do.”

Evie: “[Name Redacted] does a dance. I’m not sure if it’s polite.”
Me: “It’s probably not polite.”
Evie: “Well, I’m not sure if I can do it as well as him, but here it goes.”

Evie: “If I was in charge of this house, there’d be candy everywhere.”

Me, reading a sign on the side of the highway: “Free house, you move it.”
Sara: “I’ve been LOOKING for a free house to move!!”

Evie: “Daddy, did you have your ear pierced?”
Me: “Yes, a long time ago.”
Evie: “Is that why you married him?”
Sara: “Yes, that’s exactly why.”

Me: “‘Your Highness’ is usually what you say to kings.”
Ollie: “I can see your highness.”

Oh, snap.

::Evie and Ollie sharing a bed::
Evie: “Haaaay, you’re taking all the blankets!”
Ollie, whining: “Evie called me ‘Aaaaa’!”

::Evie walking out of the tent::
Sara: “Hey Evie, you have to zip the tent up!”
Evie, bursting into tears: “Why do I have to do everything?”

Teenager already? That sure went fast.

Me: “She said, ‘So-and-so told me I need to get over there.'”
Evie: “Is ‘so-and-so’ a common name?”

Sara: “I’ve got an e coli covered knife with your name on it.”

Evie: “If I had to pick a best night, I would pick [the night that I spent 4 1/2 hours at the emergency room because I couldn’t breath], because most nights I just lie there sleeping.”
Sara: “Yeah, well…I guess that did shake things up a little bit.”

Me: “Ollie, I don’t think mama said, ‘poo poo snackies’.”

Ollie: “I have a looong booty.”

That boy does have a long booty. It is impossible to buy shorts or pants that can actually cover his plumber’s crack.

Ollie: “My bear costume came by the UPS.”
Me: “It’s not actually a bear costume though, it’s a ring bearer outfit. It’s just pants, a shirt, and a tie.”
Ollie: “But, my bear costume…”
Me: “Ring bearer. It’s not furry.”
Ollie: “It’s just bear costume for short. It’s ring bearer costume for long.”

Ollie: “I won’t die when I’m an ‘Ollie’…I’ll die when I’m a ‘Grandpa'”.

Me: “Is this your diaper, or mama’s diaper?”
Ollie: “No, that’s my diaper. Mama doesn’t wear diapers.”
Sara: “Not yet!”

::Evie catching butterflies::
Evie: “I told all the butterflies that I was having a butterfly class, and this one volunteered. But now I’m NOT going to have a butterfly class!”
::cackling evilly::
Me: “You better watch out. If word gets around to the butterflies that you’re tricking them, they’re not going to listen to you anymore.”
Evie, carelessly: “Oh, they can’t hear me all the way over here. Except this one, and he’s going to die.”