Evie: “If I was in charge of this house, there’d be candy everywhere.”

Me, reading a sign on the side of the highway: “Free house, you move it.”
Sara: “I’ve been LOOKING for a free house to move!!”

Evie: “Daddy, did you have your ear pierced?”
Me: “Yes, a long time ago.”
Evie: “Is that why you married him?”
Sara: “Yes, that’s exactly why.”

Me: “‘Your Highness’ is usually what you say to kings.”
Ollie: “I can see your highness.”

Oh, snap.