Ollie: “When I was taking a shower, I was hollering down the drain so the people would hear voices coming out of the sewer.”
Me: “Oh yeah? And what were you saying?”
Ollie: “Just regular sewer stuff. Like, ‘Hey, I can’t sleep down here because all this pee pee and poo poo is touching me!’ And Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.”

::Ollie choking::
Me: “Ollie, are you okay?”
Ollie: “Something went down the wrong tube. So I took it out and put it down the right tube.”

Ollie: “Evie and I slept in the same bed. We snuggled. She told me to, even when I had a diaper full of pee pees.”

Sara: “I suppose I should get dressed.”
Me: “Hey, it’s before noon.”
Sara: “Daylight Savings Time to the rescue!”
::Later::
Me: “In your pajamas by 3:30? Wait a minute, didn’t you just get dressed at noon?”
Sara: “It was 11:30!”

::talking about meat::
Sara: “Well, what do you think we’re made of?”
Evie : “…”
::time passes, we move on to other topics::
Ollie: “CHICKEN!”
Everyone: “What?”
Ollie: “Is that what we’re made of?”

Ollie: “I’m thirsty, I need a drink.”
Sara: “Well, would you like water, or milk?”
Ollie: “Actually, what I would like is syrup.”

Sara: “Oh, you decorated a pumpkin? Is it a bat?”
Evie: “No. It’s a pumpkin with decorations on it.

Me: “S-H-A-N-E. Do you know what that spells?”
Ollie: “Daddy?”

Me: “Some people have the ability to ‘play by ear’. That means they can just hear a song and then play it.”
Evie: “That’s not what ‘play by ear’ means! Playing by ear means when you don’t make a plan and see what happens.”

::Ollie going to the bathroom. Evie comes in and flushes his toilet.::
Ollie, whispering into the toilet: “I’m sorry Mother Earth, but my sister did it.”

A conservationist at heart.

::Ollie found a penny when we were going into the grocery store::
Ollie: “Can I swipe this through the machine to pay for the groceries?”

Evie, explaining a book: “Bo was really sick. She had pandemonium.”

Ollie: “Sometimes I say to them, “You’re a fastpoke!” But they don’t hear me because they’re already outside.”

Ollie: “The balloon is floating up because it’s full of ceilium.”

Ollie: “Who is on your jersey?”
Me: “Aaron Rodgers.”
Ollie: “I know someone named Roger!”
Me: “Is it Uncle Roger?”
Ollie: “Yeah! Is it that one?”

Uncle Roger didn’t know he had so many devoted fans.

Me: “Hey look, that goose has a collar on it’s neck.”
Evie: “I have 3 reason why that could be: One, she’s the queen of the geese. Two, her neck got hurt, or three they’re trying to track where she flies.”
Me: “…I bet it is one of those three, you’re right.”