Ollie: “When I’m older, I want to d&%i$@.”
Sara: “You want to drive?”
Ollie: “No, I want to d&%i$@.”
Sara: “You want to dive off the diving board like Evie?”
Ollie: “No, I want to d&%i$@!”
Sara: “You want to die?”
Ollie: “Yes! So spiders can eat me!”

Evie: “Who was the first person alive?”
Me: “Me.”
Evie: “No.”
Me: “Grandpa.”
Evie: “No.”
Me: “Grandpa’s grandpa.”
Evie: “No!”
Me: “Grandpa’s grandpa’s grandpa.”
Evie: “…wait, which Grandpa?”

Ollie, singing: “It’s a not-hard life, for us. It’s a not-hard life, for us!”

Sara: “When Oliver was rolling down the hill? I peed a little.”

Ollie, noticing we live in a brick house: “Hey, we’re pigs!”

I guess he’s also never noticed the dirty dishes piled in the sink.

::Ollie flossing naked in the middle of a crowd of about 10 people::
Ollie: “This is *not* how mama flosses.”

::Ollie coming out of his room in the middle of the night::
Ollie: “I need bacon.”

Ollie: “Every time I sit down, Nala starts giving me a haircut.”

Me: “I don’t think I would lick a stranger.”
Sara: “Oh, I’m sure you’ve licked a stranger.”

I think this is probably the first Quote Monday ever that didn’t feature a quote from Ms. Evelyn.

Ollie: “Why do you have to clean the door?”
Sara: “There’s dirt spots on it. Someone must have touched it. You must have touched it.”
Ollie: “Evie must have touched it, that naughty, naughty girl.”

::Ollie trying to sit in my lap::
Ollie: “Crisscross your applesauce!”

::Ollie opening up a birthday present of ballet shoes::
Ollie: “I’m trying to see if there’s any more in there.”
Me: “Well, you only have two feet.”
Ollie: “What if I was an octopus?”

::Ollie eating birthday cake::
Sara: “Ollie, time to go to the bathroom.”
Ollie: “Did I have anything to drink?”
Sara: “No, do you want your water bottle?”
Ollie: “If I didn’t have anything to drink, why do I have to go to the bathroom?”

Touche, 3 year old. Touche.

Evie: “Nothing will be better than Wednesday.”
Sara: “Why is that?”
Evie: “Because Mama’s staying home, and we’re having my favorite supper.”
Sara: “But Daddy won’t be here on Wednesday.”
Evie: “That’s even better!”

Ollie: “My favorite holidays are Easter and New York.”

It took Sara and I a full 2 days to realize he may have been referring to New Years.

Evie: “You haven’t folded the laundry yet? You’re like the tortoise.”

::The pipe organ plays a tremendous solo::
Ollie: “Is someone playing the accordion?”