Ollie: “Can we have a snack?”
Me: “Not right this second.”
Ollie: “Can we have a snack?”
Me: “Not right this second, Ollie.”
Ollie: “Well, it’s a different second.”
Ollie: “I’m firsty.”
Me: “Firsty?”
Ollie: “No, fffffffirsty.”
Me: “Do you mean thhhhhirsty?”
Ollie: “I’m drinkful.”
Ollie: “Pigs have a manny bank.”
::Drinking smoothies::
Ollie: “Shiver me timbers, I’m cold!”
Now that’s a sign of a kid who’s raised right.
Sara: “If you spilled your wine on the [new] rug…I would…have a sob fest.”
Sara: “I toned it down when I remembered I scraped the [new] car on the fence the other day.”
Evie: “Ollie, I have $4.27 and even *I* don’t have enough money to buy a car.”
Evie: “Daddy, it looks like someone drew a pencil drawing on the ceiling.”
Me: “You’re right, it looks like someone did a naughty thing.”
Evie: “Well, it wasn’t me, I would have done a better job.”
Ollie: “His mama must be a doctor, because he lives in a wooden house.”
That’s Chicago living for you. (And by the way, his mama is a doctor).
Ollie: “Sugar helps you not cry.”
Sara: “Who told you that?”
Ollie: “Grandma and Grandpa.”
Ollie: “I got a dime today.”
Me: “Oh yeah, where did you get that?”
Ollie: “Aunt Anna said she’d give me a dime if I let her take a nap.”
::Listening to Golden Slumbers by the Beatles::
Ollie: “Why don’t they sing it quieter, so the baby could fall asleep?”
Sara: “Don’t trim your nose hairs over the toothbrushes!”
Me: “I only had time for a White Russian or to work out for 7 minutes, but not both.”
Me, pointing to a picture of a tiger cub: “Ollie, do you know what kind of animal this is?”
Ollie: “A cub!”
Me: “Well, yeah, but do you know what kind of animal it will be when it grows up?”
Ollie: “A reindeer?”
Me: “Did you know that alligators hatch from eggs?”
Ollie: “Awwwww! And then when they grow up they can eat you.”
Evie: “We talked about superstitions at school. Like how if a black cat crosses your path it’s bad luck.”
Me: “There are other ones too, like opening an umbrella inside or walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror.”
Ollie: “Or, if a brick falls on your head and you’re not wearing a helmet!”
Ollie: “There’s two boys and two girls.”
Me: “Actually, they’re all boys, but two have long hair.”
Ollie: “Well…two have mom shoes on.”
Me: “Get some sleep, so your body can fight off those invaders.”
Evie: “Is Darth Vader one of them?”
Me: “No, I don’t think so.”
Evie: “Well, he is a vader.”
Sara: “What did you do at school today?”
Ollie: “Why do you always ask me what I do at school?”
Sara: “Because I love you.”
Ollie: “Well, I love you more than you love me, but I don’t ask you what you do at work.”
Me: “I don’t think you’d want to fight a lion. One time a lion roared at me and I turned into a little puddle of jelly.”
Ollie, rapt: “How did you get back to normal? Did you go through a machine that fixed you up?”
Evie, in regards to a class election: “Her thing to get elected was that she would make the world a better place, but I didn’t vote for her because I think the world is already a pretty good place.”
Shane Halbach 