Ollie: “If you drop an orange on the ground, and then someone pukes on it, you can still eat it because it has a skin.”

Ollie: “My toots are saying, “Sunriiise, sunset! Sunriiise, sunset!”

Ollie: “[My friend] is Black Batman and I’m White Batman. So he goes in the dark and I eat snow.”
Me: “So his special power is going in the dark and your special power is eating snow?”
Ollie: “No, after I eat snow I go in the dark and then he eats snow. And we’re both black, because bats are black.”
Me: “Wait, so what’s the difference between Black Batman and White Batman?”
Ollie: “Well, if you say Black Batman he comes, if you say White Batman, I come.”

Sara: “Just leave them. This is how he gets stronger.”
Me: “This is how he punches his sister out.”
Sara: “This is how she deserves it.”

Evie: “Which potty are you going to use?”
Ollie: “Which potty are YOU going to use?”
Evie: “The back potty.”
Ollie: “Are you teasing me? Are you going to say, ‘Wink wink’?”

This actually started with my brother when we were kids. My mom would say something like, “You’re getting the biggest piece of cake, wink wink” and the rest of us older kids would understand that she was just humoring him. We employed the same strategy with our kids, but Ollie seemed to figure it out pretty quick.

Ollie: “Do wicked witches give people swirlies?”

Because nothing is crueler than a witch, and nothing is more wicked than a swirly.

Stranger: “Did you get your glasses?”
Me: “…what’s that?”
Stranger: “Did you get your sunglasses?”
Me, thinking: “Do I know this guy? Does he think I’m somebody else?”
Stranger: “…because your son just came by and told me alll about it.”

Ollie never met a stranger he couldn’t tell his life story to. I think we have a future blogger on our hands…

Ollie: “Evie’s butt touched my foot!”
Sara: “Oh no, you’re going to get butt-itis! That’s when your feet turn into butts.”
Evie, whispering: “Did you just make that up?”

Me: “Are you taking bites, or did you just stuff the whole thing in your mouth?”
Ollie: “MMMM HMMM MFFFF HMMMM MFFFFF!”

Me: “Come on, buddy, it’s time for you to start doing some of these things for yourself.”
Ollie: “Well, I can play legos by myself, but when I was little I always wanted you or mama to play with me. So that’s one thing I can do for myself.”

::driving around in a bad neighborhood::
Evie: “Hey, that sign says Chapter 11!”

So glad she’s learning to read…

Ollie, from the bathroom: “Mama! Come quick! My pee is on my arm!”