Evie: “Nobody come in here for awhile, we are NOT having a surprise!”

Checkout person at the grocery store: “So…do you really like mayonnaise?”
Sara: “No, we’re having a Southern themed birthday party.”

Ollie: “Do you know how I got to the ‘old soccer’ garden?”

Eh, Old Soccer Garden, Osaka Garden, tomato tomahto.

::Me reading a book to Ollie’s class for his birthday::
Kid in the audience: “My dad reads it funnier.”

Tough crowd. I bet your dad didn’t have 20+ kids and 4 adults watching him act like a goofball either…