One United States of America is the biggest unit of measure that Ollie can imagine. If something is enormously huge it is, “Bigger than the whole United States of America”. The line we’re standing in is, “the longest line in the whole United States of America.” And, of course, if he doesn’t get what he wants, Sara and I are the, “meanest parents in the whole United States of America!”

Ollie: “If you wanted to draw everything in the United States of America, first you’d have to SEE everything in the United States of America.”
Ollie: “…aaand you’d need a really big piece of paper.”

Ollie: “I want to eat everything in the whole United States of America! Except olives. And tamales.”

He’s got to draw the line somewhere.

Me: “I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier.”
Evie: “That’s okay, I’m used to it.”

Meanest parents in the whole United States of America.

We’re #1! We’re #1!

Ollie: “Let’s see how much love I have in my brain. Hmmm…no, that’s not how much love I have, that’s how much fire there is in the world.”

Ollie: “I can make fire whenever I want to.”
Me: “Okay, make some fire right now. In your hand or something.”
Ollie: “Well, I need matches.”

Me: “You think about fire a lot, don’t you?”
Ollie: “Yeah. Even at night.”

Ollie: “I have everything I need, except…AN AXE!!!”

::Evie brushing my hair::
Evie: “It’s snowing!”

Me: “Ollie, did you check to see if your pants were backward [for the billionth time in a row]?”
Ollie: “Well, my brain was just wanting me to think about how the world looks like as a globe.”

Ollie: “I’m afraid to go into the living room.”
Me: “Why?”
Ollie: “I don’t want a pig to jump up on me.”
Me: “…”
Me: “When have you ever seen a pig jump up on someone?”
Ollie: “Well, I can imagine it.”

Ollie: “I know how to make fire bombs.”
Sara: “You know how to make fire balls?”
Ollie: “No, fire bombs. I have the tools.”
::5 minutes later::
Ollie: “Can I make a fire bomb when we get home?”

Ollie: “…and if they have a hole missing from their skeleton, they have to get that bone. So they have to decide if they’re going to kill someone for that bone, or else find it in the ground.”

Pray they don’t just take the easy way out. Archaeology: not for the faint of heart.

<Redacted Schoolmate>: “Will you marry me?”
Evie: “I don’t think so. Our weekends are really busy.”

::Evie, coming upstairs carrying an American Girl catalog::
Evie: “Mama, I want you to order me something.”
::Sara and I exchanging “uh oh, here we go” glances::
Evie: “There’s a book I want in here. Will you order it from the library?”

That is MY GIRL, yo. Never been prouder.