Quote Monday is a chip off the old block

Sara: “No, no more bacon.”
::Taking away the bacon::
Alex, wailing: “Do you want me to die??”

Alex: “Where’s Evie?”
Vania: “She went to school.”
Alex, getting angry: “Well I know where school is, I’m going to drive there myself!”
Alex: “Can you help me put on my shoes?”

Alex: “Why is it dark outside?”
Sara: “Because you’re wearing sunglasses, goofball.”

Ollie: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Alex: “A teenager!”

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Quote Monday is running out of patience

Alex: “What are you playing?”
Grandma Kathy: “It’s called words with Friends.”
Alex: “Can I play?”
Grandma Kathy: “You don’t know how to spell!”
Alex: “I know how to spell Alex! A-L-E-X. Can I play now?”

Alex: “Grandma, I told you three times already! I am running out of patience!”

Alex: “I wonder what my kids will be named?”
Sara: “You know you get to name your kids?”
Alex: “Huh”
Sara: “What would you name them?”
Alex: “Evie and Ollie, so they’d always be with me!”

Alex: “I am not going to bed without dessert! I am going to get up in the night, and…dance!”

Well, that will teach us.

Quote Monday prepares for the Polar Vortex

::At the grocery store::
Alex: Why do they put all the honey in bears? Do they sell it to bears??”

Alex: “Do you guys sleep?”
Alex: “I thought maybe your bed was just for pretending to sleep.”

Sara: “I remember what I said that made Alex laugh so hard he peed his pants! I said, ‘Little  House on the Potty!'”

Ollie: “Alex, if you could have anything in the world, what would you want?”
Alex, without hesitation: “Scissors!”

We were stocking up on the essentials before the Polar Vortex sets in: milk, coffee, etc.
Alex: “How are we on ice cream?”

Quote Monday makes me feel old

Evelyn: “It’s so nice to feel the wind in your hair!”
Evelyn, to me: “…I’m sorry if that was rude.”

Me: “Before there were apps to tell them where to pick you up, you had to hail a taxi. Like put your arm up and whistle. Now we just use the app.”
Ollie: “Yeah I know. I’ve read books from back then.”

Me: “She is not going to like that fruitcake. When your mama says you’re not going to like something, they’re usually right.”
Alex: “Except I don’t like broccoli and Mama says I have to like it.”

Alex and the dead cat

So, we were going for a walk the other day, with Alex on his balance bike, and we chanced upon a recently dead cat on the sidewalk.

Death has been on Alex’s mind a lot lately. He will routinely say things like, “I don’t want Mommy to die!” or “Why do we have to die?” I remember the other kids going through a similar stage at the same age. But kids are so funny about death: they don’t have the same hang ups and baggage that us older folks do.

For example, as we were passing the cat, and Alex was pondering life, death and the mysteries of the universe, he said to me, “I’m going to drive over it with my bike!”

Me: “No, no, never touch something that is dead. It is yucky and has germs on it.”
Alex: “No, with my bike.”
Me: “Don’t touch an animal that is dead.”
Alex, perplexed: “No, with my bike. *I* won’t touch it, the germies will be on my tires.”
Me: “Alex, there are diseases. I don’t want them on your bike either; that bike has to go in my house.”

Now, this went around and around for a bit. He REALLY wanted to run over that dead cat with his bike! So finally Ollie stepped in. “Great,” I thought. “Maybe Ollie can talk to him kid-to-kid. Get him to understand why we shouldn’t drive over dead cats.”

Ollie: “Okay, so, imagine if Evelyn was dead and she was lying on the road. Would you drive over HER with your bike??”

That is…not how I would have approached the subject.

EXCEPT IT WORKED!

Alex thought about it for a bit and then said, “No, I wouldn’t. But…” I could tell he was still struggling with it a bit – he felt like he still had an argument to make – but he couldn’t escape that kid-to-kid logic. And anyway, by that time I had coaxed him down the street a bit, so riding over the cat wasn’t feasible anymore.

I warned Sara about this because I knew it was bound to come up again, so I wanted her to be prepared. (Oh, that and the fact that she was going to have to walk by that dead cat on the way to work.) So tonight, Sara decided to broach the subject and see if Alex had any more to say about it. You know, work through his complicated feelings on the subject? Maybe he had some feelings he needed to work out?

Sara, while stirring food in the crockpot: “I saw that dead cat…”
Alex: “Did you cook it?”

Quote Monday is on the right path

Sara: “How was shopping?”
Alex: “There were three disasters! There weren’t any shopping carts you can drive, the shopping cart didn’t go on the escalator, and we they didn’t have any of the good deals!”

I feel like he is already showing good signs of dramatic storytelling.

Alex: “Mama, do superheroes eat oatmeal?”
Sara: “Yes. Yes they do. They also eat a lot of veggies and salad.”

Alex: “Ollie got up in the night to go to the bathroom so I started to wash the windows, but Ollie said I had to go back to bed. But then my washing windows thing made a sound like a toot so Ollie was laughing!”

Can you imagine walking by at like 2 am and looking up and seeing a 2 year old washing the windows?

Mom: “We can’t just take the food without paying for it.”
Alex: “Yes you can.”
Mom: “What if the police come?”
Alex: “Drive really fast!”

Quote Monday gives a lump of coal

Alex: “We were reading Mercy Watson but Mama only read one chapter because she hates me!!”

Alex: “Mama turn off that light! You’re being mean you’re going to get a lump of coal in your stocking!”
Alex: “…what does a ‘lump of coal’ mean?”

Alex, narrating story: “People who love people don’t go pooping on them.”

Alex: “I don’t like anything to stick in where my poop comes out…”
Sara: “…”
Alex: “…so all the time I’m picking my pants out.”
::Sara repeating it carefully to make sure she heard correctly::
Sara: “That’s called a wedgie.”