Quote Monday suffers through quarantine

Alex: “Too bad for the coronavirus because I like to eat snow!”

We all have to suffer in these trying times.

Sara: “Okay, the three books and the googly eyes will arrive Wednesday night.”

So I guess we’re all set for a global pandemic then! What more could one need?

Alex: “Can you just stop making me baked goods??”

Yes sir, reaaaaly suffering over here…

Quote Monday is under Quarantine

Alex: “Why don’t you work anymore? Oh, is it because Coronavirus came to your work?”

Sara: “If you get it I’m going to get it because I can’t open the espresso maker on my own.”

Sara: “Did you touch the banister? I don’t know what to clean. I don’t clean things. You’re asking the wrong person.”

Alex: “What are we looking for on this scavenger hunt, people with the coronavirus?”

Evelyn: “I don’t really like it.”
Me: “Yeah, well, we’re in the middle of a quarantine, so sorry if you have to eat fresh baked bread.”

Quote Monday counts to 10

Alex: “Fun fact: bad guys are real!”

Alex: “What does R-I-J-S-H spell?”
Me: “Nothing.”
Alex: “I spelled, ‘Nothing’!”

Evelyn: “Would you be offended if I had to put you in a retirement home one day?”
Sara: “Offended? No. But I’d be very lonely and die quickly so…”
Me: “No guilt, no pressure…”

Alex: “1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 11 12 ready or not here I come!”
Ollie: “You missed 10.”
Alex: “You told me I didn’t have to count to 10!”

Alex: “I don’t want to be a grown up because when you’re a grown up you have to eat a certain thing every day.”
Me: “And what’s that?”
Alex: “Whole grains.”

Quote Monday is a human guy

Alex: “When are we going to make butt guys again?”
Sara: “Make what?”
Alex: “Butt guys. With the peanut butter. Butt guys.”
Sara: “Buckeyes??”

Butt Guys

::Sara tucking Alex into bed::
Alex, whispering to his stuffies: “Did you sleep enough?”
Alex: “They’re nocturnal.”

::Alex, receiving a store-bought Chewbacca cookie::
Alex: “Unfortunately, this human guy cookie tastes…like playdough.”

::Driving by Goodwill::
Alex: “Why don’t they make a Bad Will?”

Quote Monday needs a monkey liver

Entire drama camp:
🎵 Diarrhea, flowing river,
Cork it with a monkey liver! 🎵

Can you tell the kids write their own lyrics??

Me: “We don’t go outside in our underwear! NOT EVEN to show someone a funny birthday card.”

This might not have been directed at the kid you are imagining.

Alex: “There was a bug in the bathroom! I got a piece of toilet paper but it disappeared.”
Me: “Oh no, what kind of bug was it? Was it a spider?”
Alex: “No…I think it was a scorpion.”

Alex, lying in bed: “I’m just feeling sad because I wish I could go back to all the days that have passed.”

That starts at 3 1/2????

Me: “I don’t know, two smores is a lot for a little guy…”
Alex: “But I’m not a little guy! I’m a 3 1/2 guy!”

Quote Monday says a bad word

Alex: “Is ‘teenager’ a bad word?”

Alex insisted he wash the dishes by himself. A few minutes later he yelled out, “Ughhgghh! I’m really tired of doing my hard job!” Then he happily carried on washing the dishes.

Sara: “Don’t touch your feet while you’re eating!”
Alex: “Why, my hands aren’t dirty!”

Sara: “This is going to sound geeky, but…I’m thinking about buying a fanny pack.”

Quote Monday is quite convincing

Sara: “Ollie said, ‘Tell Dad I love you 5000 times’ or something.”
Me: “Is it possible he said, ‘3000’?”
Sara: “Oh yeah, 3000.”
Me: “Did he… Did he possibly say, ‘I love you 3000’?”
Sara: “Yeah, maybe. Why?”
Me: 😍

Evelyn: “I’m sure next year we’ll go to <thing>. It’s up to your advisory teacher, but I’m sure our class will go…I know how to convince people to do things.”

I already feel sorry for her future teacher. You should ask her 4th grade teacher about the time she wanted to do pajama day…

Sara, pointing to a mosquito bite on her face: “Did you see that bug bite right there?”
Alex: “Maybe that’s just your fat cheek!”
Alex: “I never saw your face get so red before!”