Ollie: “Grandma, grandma, dad can burp on command!”
Grandma Kathy: “Oh. Actually I can too. BURP”

Like mother, like son!

Sara: “Ollie, do you know what a toaster strudel is?”
Ollie: “No…but I know how to straddle a toaster.”
<Uproarious laughter>
Ollie: “So, what’s a pasta strudel?”

<Looking at Velveeta>
Alex: “What’s that yellow stuff?”

It’s not cheese, buddy, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

Evelyn: “I really want to be in one of those cool experiments where they make you torture people to see how far you’ll go!”

Sara, to Evelyn: “Can you do me a favor? Can you keep a spreadsheet of your babysitting money? I want to talk to you about retirement.”

It’s never too early to talk about retirement…

Sara yelling: “There’s butter on the floor!”
Ollie: “Ah, that’s where it went!”

Evelyn: “One time I decided I was going to invent a new letter but I put my mouth in all the shapes and I couldn’t make a new sound.”

Alex: “Yeah, this is my kind of story! I love curse words!”

Alex: “I think there are some rumors about Christmas and St. Nicholas. Like, there can’t be some random dude riding down from the sky on a sleigh. Science won’t allow it!”

Uh oh.

But then again, also Alex: “If you hear me talking in my room don’t ask me about it, I’m just talking to Santa.”

Alex: “Why is it super common now for doggies to wear clothes?”

Oliver: “I never got to have alone time with mom and dad, there was always an older kid or a younger kid!”
Evelyn: “Well, when mom and dad are really old and they need someone to watch them, you can take them and spend as much time with them as you want.”

Alex: “Is it just me? But when I wink my whole face goes sideways.”

Alex: “My favorite is –“
Me: “Your favorite daddy?”
Alex: “My favorite daddy is…. Mommy.”

Alex: “What are these called?”
Sara: “It’s an old candy called Dots.”
Alex: “What do they taste like?”
Sara: “Not much of anything.”
Alex: “Oh, they’re from before there was flavor?”
Sara: “….yes.”

Sara: “Evelyn is super modest.”
Evelyn: “With my clothing choices, not my personality!”

<absolutely nobody>
Ollie: “Whooooew!”
Me: “…”
Ollie: “If I could have whistled, I would have. There’s a lot of math problems!”

::Long silence in car::
Sara: “Ollie, what are you thinking about?”
Oliver: “Oh, how many barbershops I can name.”

Me: “Ollie, why are you climbing the couch like that?”
Ollie: “I…I got the zoomies.”

Sara: “What are you most looking forward to for school?”
Evelyn: “I’m looking forward to feeling superior to other people.”