Quote Monday goes down in history

Me, planning our vacation: “Well, it’s going to be a lot of driving, but we are going to see some really cool scenery!”
Sara: “You are such a dad.”

Me: “You want me to carry you?”
Alex: “No, Evie.”
Me: “You want Evie to carry you?”
Alex: “No, you carry Evie.”

Family, singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: “You’ll go down in hissstorrryyyyy!”
Alex: “Like a poop emoji!”

Sara: “I love you.”
Alex, evasively: “…I….love…. ….. Somebody.”
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Quote Monday has an idea

Alex: “I have an idea. Can you hold my poop emoji?”

Grandpa S: “You bit off my finger!”
Alex, nonplussed: “You need a doctor.”

Ollie: “I can’t believe Santa gave us nerf guns.”
Me: “I know.”
Ollie: “Next year I’m going to ask for a spear!”

Uncle Ben: “I think…when someone tells you their grandma died, you never, never respond with a gif.”

Quote Monday needs a hand

Sara: “Ollie has a bad ouchie.”
Ollie: “I hurts really, really bad.”
Alex: “You need to go to the emergency bathroom Ollie.”

Something tells me the emergency bathroom is a very different place than the emergency room…

Evelyn: “Okay so we each won one, plus you won two more.”

That is…an optimistic way to phrase it.

Alex: “I cannot do it!”
Sara: “Oh, do you need a hand?”
Alex: “I need two hands.”

::Alex trying canned pears for the first time::
Alex: “Oh, I like that!”

Quote Monday makes a tasty snack

Evelyn: “Is Thanksgiving always on a Thursday?”
Me: “Yes.”
Evelyn: “Oh, because of Black Friday.”

Obviously the pilgrims wouldn’t have wanted Thanksgiving to interrupt their big shopping day.

Oliver: “Evelyn, will you come downstairs with me? I’m scared.”
Evelyn: “No! Last time you  made me go first and shouted, ‘Here comes a tasty snack!'”

Vania: “P is for…porcupine.”
::Alex pretends to eat porcupine from book::
Vania: “I know a little boy who ate a porcupine…”
Alex: “Perhaps I’ll die.”

Quote Monday is life or death

Me: “… It’s not like it’s life or death.”
Evelyn: “It’s life or death to my reputation!”

::sigh:: Are we to this level already?

Sara: “If you had a baby, what would you call it?”
Alex: “I don’t want to call it.”

Me: “What’s that?”
Evelyn: “My books for the car.”
Me: Why are there 4 of them?”
Evelyn: “Because I’m awesome.”

Alex: “I love Evie, then Aye-ya.”
Alex: “…in the car.”
Sara: “What if Oliver was in the car instead?”
Alex: “Then I love Aye-ya, then Evie. That’s how it goes!”

Quote Monday and kids these days

Me: “I seriously doubt [any of the parents of those kids] would have let them watch that.”
Evelyn: “If you think [the kids in my class] haven’t seen it, you don’t know kids these days!”

Me: “Did you know that Grandma Kathy is my mama?”
Alex: “And mama is MY mama!”

Ollie: “I like restaurants where they give you too much to eat.”

Alex, from the back seat of the car: “OMG I am going pee pee!”

I don’t know if there are more frightening words from a not-quite-two-year-old who is not wearing a diaper in the car than “OMG I am going pee pee!” Certainly gets your attention.

Quote Monday saves daddy from over consumption

Alex: “Dada, go downstairs.”
Me: “No, just wait. I’m busy.”
Alex: “Dada, go downstairs!”
Me: “No.”
Alex: “Dada…coffee’s ready!”
Me, laughing: “No it is not you liar, but it was a good attempt.”

Me: “I can’t believe you [went out for doughnuts and] forgot about your poor, old daddy.”
Sara: “We did think about you. They weren’t that good, and we saved you from 500 calories.”
Me: “Wow. Thank you so much for falling on that grenade for me.”

Alex: “I want MINE wine! I want mine bottle!”