Quote Monday is a human guy

Alex: “When are we going to make butt guys again?”
Sara: “Make what?”
Alex: “Butt guys. With the peanut butter. Butt guys.”
Sara: “Buckeyes??”

Butt Guys

::Sara tucking Alex into bed::
Alex, whispering to his stuffies: “Did you sleep enough?”
Alex: “They’re nocturnal.”

::Alex, receiving a store-bought Chewbacca cookie::
Alex: “Unfortunately, this human guy cookie tastes…like playdough.”

::Driving by Goodwill::
Alex: “Why don’t they make a Bad Will?”

Quote Monday needs a monkey liver

Entire drama camp:
🎵 Diarrhea, flowing river,
Cork it with a monkey liver! 🎵

Can you tell the kids write their own lyrics??

Me: “We don’t go outside in our underwear! NOT EVEN to show someone a funny birthday card.”

This might not have been directed at the kid you are imagining.

Alex: “There was a bug in the bathroom! I got a piece of toilet paper but it disappeared.”
Me: “Oh no, what kind of bug was it? Was it a spider?”
Alex: “No…I think it was a scorpion.”

Alex, lying in bed: “I’m just feeling sad because I wish I could go back to all the days that have passed.”

That starts at 3 1/2????

Me: “I don’t know, two smores is a lot for a little guy…”
Alex: “But I’m not a little guy! I’m a 3 1/2 guy!”

Quote Monday says a bad word

Alex: “Is ‘teenager’ a bad word?”

Alex insisted he wash the dishes by himself. A few minutes later he yelled out, “Ughhgghh! I’m really tired of doing my hard job!” Then he happily carried on washing the dishes.

Sara: “Don’t touch your feet while you’re eating!”
Alex: “Why, my hands aren’t dirty!”

Sara: “This is going to sound geeky, but…I’m thinking about buying a fanny pack.”

Quote Monday is quite convincing

Sara: “Ollie said, ‘Tell Dad I love you 5000 times’ or something.”
Me: “Is it possible he said, ‘3000’?”
Sara: “Oh yeah, 3000.”
Me: “Did he… Did he possibly say, ‘I love you 3000’?”
Sara: “Yeah, maybe. Why?”
Me: 😍

Evelyn: “I’m sure next year we’ll go to <thing>. It’s up to your advisory teacher, but I’m sure our class will go…I know how to convince people to do things.”

I already feel sorry for her future teacher. You should ask her 4th grade teacher about the time she wanted to do pajama day…

Sara, pointing to a mosquito bite on her face: “Did you see that bug bite right there?”
Alex: “Maybe that’s just your fat cheek!”
Alex: “I never saw your face get so red before!”

Quote Monday learns the world is a scary place

Alex: “Why was that lady wearing funny skin?”
Sara: “She was old.”

::Showing Alex octopus tentacles for eating::
Alex, in horror: “I didn’t know octopuses were real!!”

Later, under his breath to Oliver: “Are scary pirates also real??”

Me: “…that’s how coolness works. The coolest person is the one that–”
Ollie: “Does what everybody else does?”

Quote Monday goes way back

Evelyn: “When you and mama got married, did they not have color pictures? Is that why the pictures from your wedding are black and white?”

::Ollie playing with an old play record player::
Ollie: “My mom had that when she was little because they didn’t have electricity back then.”

Alex: “Can you read the poem that I wrote?”
Me: “You can’t really write words until you know how to read.”
Alex: “No, but you can read words, so you can read it.”

Me, playing pretend with Alex: “There’s water over here. Be careful, there are sharks! And alligators!”
Alex: “And penguins!!”

Quote Monday is living its best life

Me: “Next week you won’t see me because I’ll be in California all week.”
Alex, pumping his fist: “Yeah! I’ll be having my best life!!”

Alex: “You know you have two eyes and under that a nose and then a mouth? Does that look like a fire hydrant?”
Sara: “…Maybe?”
Alex: “Your face looks like a fire hydrant.”

Ollie: “Cowboys are always very helpful.”
Alex: “Maybe not this cowboy.”
Alex: “People LOVE this cowboy, even though he doesn’t help.”

Sara: “What happened to his eye?”

Alex: “His mother punished him for killing someone.”