ShaneHalbach.com

From the Mouths of Babes

Quote Monday is for the birds

Alex, pointing to trash blowing through the sky: “Bird! Bird!”

Oh you sweet city baby.

Evelyn: “I’m going to be a good mom. I’m going to play with my kids and take them out on adventures…”
Ollie, getting excited: “Yeah! Like take them up and jump over the train tracks!”
Evelyn: “…not those kind of adventures.”

Oliver: “I can’t go upstairs! Something’s moving up there!”
Me: “Really? Like what?”
Oliver: “I saw…Yoda.”


Quote Monday got glasses

Evelyn: “The trees look like the way people draw them!”
Me, laughing: “Did you wonder why people drew them that way? With all the sticks?”
Evelyn: “Well, no…they drew them the way they look in photos.”
Me, laughing harder: “So did you think, like, the camera did something to make them look like that?”
Evelyn, shrugging helplessly: “Well…?”

Evelyn: “They made pancakes for breakfast. I only ate a ‘weekday morning’ amount of pancakes.”
Me: “Probably a good idea. They probably weren’t prepared for a ‘Sunday morning’ amount of pancakes.”


Quote Monday is argumentative

Me: “Do you think there will ever come a time when I will be able to sit down and drink an entire cup of coffee?”
Sara: “…”
Sara: “Wait, I’m still calculating. 2034.”

Me: “I’m just trying to be argumentative like my daughter, and automatically take the opposite viewpoint of anything you say.”
Evelyn: “I don’t necessarily do that…”

Sara: “Evelyn, we should have [your friend] over for dinner sometime.”
Ollie: “And can [her friend]’s dad come to? He just seems like a fun guy.”


Quote Monday is going to end up on youtube

Evelyn: “Can somebody take him?”
Me: “Evelyn, picking up your brother is like picking up trash off the ground. You should have left it alone, but now you’re responsible for it.”

Sara made me write that one down.

Ollie: “Every number is a word if you put an ‘H’ in front of it. ‘Zero’ turns into ‘Hero’. ‘Hun’ like, ‘come here hon’, ‘Who’ like, ‘who is it?’, ‘He’ like ‘him’, ‘Whore’ like ‘horror’…”
Ollie: “What? Why are you laughing?”

Ollie: “I wish I could possess mommy and daddy. Because then we could have candy whenever we want.”

::Sara getting the mail::
UPS Guy: “That package wasn’t me. I think the mailman is going to end up on youtube…”

 


Quote Monday has a sweet Christmas quote for you…

Me, giving Sara a hug: “Merry Christmas.”
Sara, whispering in my ear: “I think you need to wash your wookiee suit.”

Alex, on stage as baby Jesus, signing: “All done”


Quote Monday does whatever it wants

::Ollie and I walking singlefile to avoid a car::
Me: “Okay, there are no more cars are coming; now we can do whatever we want.”
Ollie: “Let’s suck on our thumbs like babies and smoke cigarettes!”

::discussing cell towers::
Evie: “What if they listened in on you phone calls and you were calling your lover, and you were like ‘Wherefore art thou Romeo?’ That would be embarrassing.”

Ollie: “Do you think those trees will be old when my kids are grown up?”
Me, changing the subject: “When you have kids do you think they’ll go to [your] school?”
Ollie, not changing the subject: “No. Trees can’t move.”

My fault for not specifying who “they” were…


Quote Monday has a good imagination

Ollie: “I know if there is a fire, we meet at the meeting place. But what do we do if there’s a war?”

::Ollie telling me a scary story::
Me: “You have a good imagination.”
Ollie: “No, I have a bad imagination! It always makes me think of this scary stuff!”

Evelyn: “What kind of apples are they?”
Sara: “Empire.”
Ollie: “Vampire??”