Quote Monday is living the quarantine life

<Kids (wrongly) saying tortillas are better cold>
Me: “Zoey, do you want your tortillas toasted, or are you abnormal?”
Zoey: “Both?”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell me right away?”
Alex: “Because Ollie thought we would get in big trouble!”

Seems so obvious, in retrospect.

Me at 12:58: “Oh!  My meeting is at 1, and I just took my shirt off!”

Me: “You look cute.”
Sara: <Looks down at her tye dye shirt, eyebrow raised>
Shane: It’s not your outfit. It must be that you went out in the real world.”

Quote Monday is really good at evil

Alex: “How am I going to remember? You could leave me a note.”
Sara: “I can’t leave you a note.”
Alex: “Oh yeah, I can’t read!”

::Alex playing imaginary with Sara::
Alex, handing Sara a guy: “You’re him… because you’re really good at evil!”

Alex: “I want to get a parrot. Did you know that if you say inappropriate words it will repeat what you say?”

Quote Monday wants to live fast and die young

Alex: “Well, sometimes ‘pretty soon’ is not pretty soon to me.”

Sara: “…a random movie, like…Leave it to Beaver.”
Evelyn: “Leave it to Beaver????? Oh, did you say Leave it to Bieber?”

Alex: “But if I hurry and get ready for bed really fast, you don’t read any more stories, so my night is just longer!”

Alex: “Me and daddy are equal at soccer but Ollie’s really good, so me and daddy have to be on the same team.”

Alex: “I think I going to smoke cigarettes when I grow up.”
Sara: “But they make you die earlier. Like if you didn’t smoke cigarettes, maybe you’d live to 90, but if you did maybe you’d only live to 70.”
Alex: “But what if I don’t like my children or grandchildren?”

Quote Monday is moist and soggy

Alex: “In the night, you’re hot and dry, but I like it in the morning when you are like hot and moist and soggy.”

Evelyn: “All day long, while we’ve been doing stuff, my [Chinese] penpal has been sleeping.”
Alex: “Is she nocturnal?”

::Alex quietly sobbing::
Me: “What’s the matter?”
Alex: “I just love Mama so much.”
Me: “I love you so much, did you know that?”
Alex: “Well I love you just okay.”
::Me, laughing::
Alex: “Why are you laughing?”
Me: “It’s kind of mean to say you love Mama so much and me just okay.”
Alex: “Well…I love you a LOT just okay.”

::Showing Oliver a piece of paper with a drawing he made on it::
Me: “Did you draw this?”
Oliver: “You can delete it.”

I mean, this is the boy who tried to use an Etch-a-sketch as a touch screen, so….

Quote Monday brings the news

Alex: “Aphrodite must have made me because I love mama!”

Sara: “The garage door just opened and closed.”
Sara: “…I guess that’s what amounts to news these days.”

Alex: “Daddy’s going to get old and die first because he’s already 40.”

Alex: “What’s that word…exertaining?”
Sara: “…entertaining?”
Alex: “Yeah, entertaining! Entertaining me is more important than talking to Evelyn.”

We were on a Zoom meeting with 200+ young kids, and it was a madhouse, everybody talking at once. Total chaos. Finally, having had enough, the flustered moderator muted everybody…including the person who was supposed to be presenting. Into the sudden, total, deafening silence came the moderator’s crystal clear, “Shit!”