Quote Monday makes a tasty snack

Evelyn: “Is Thanksgiving always on a Thursday?”
Me: “Yes.”
Evelyn: “Oh, because of Black Friday.”

Obviously the pilgrims wouldn’t have wanted Thanksgiving to interrupt their big shopping day.

Oliver: “Evelyn, will you come downstairs with me? I’m scared.”
Evelyn: “No! Last time you  made me go first and shouted, ‘Here comes a tasty snack!'”

Vania: “P is for…porcupine.”
::Alex pretends to eat porcupine from book::
Vania: “I know a little boy who ate a porcupine…”
Alex: “Perhaps I’ll die.”

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Quote Monday is life or death

Me: “… It’s not like it’s life or death.”
Evelyn: “It’s life or death to my reputation!”

::sigh:: Are we to this level already?

Sara: “If you had a baby, what would you call it?”
Alex: “I don’t want to call it.”

Me: “What’s that?”
Evelyn: “My books for the car.”
Me: Why are there 4 of them?”
Evelyn: “Because I’m awesome.”

Alex: “I love Evie, then Aye-ya.”
Alex: “…in the car.”
Sara: “What if Oliver was in the car instead?”
Alex: “Then I love Aye-ya, then Evie. That’s how it goes!”

Quote Monday and kids these days

Me: “I seriously doubt [any of the parents of those kids] would have let them watch that.”
Evelyn: “If you think [the kids in my class] haven’t seen it, you don’t know kids these days!”

Me: “Did you know that Grandma Kathy is my mama?”
Alex: “And mama is MY mama!”

Ollie: “I like restaurants where they give you too much to eat.”

Alex, from the back seat of the car: “OMG I am going pee pee!”

I don’t know if there are more frightening words from a not-quite-two-year-old who is not wearing a diaper in the car than “OMG I am going pee pee!” Certainly gets your attention.

Quote Monday saves daddy from over consumption

Alex: “Dada, go downstairs.”
Me: “No, just wait. I’m busy.”
Alex: “Dada, go downstairs!”
Me: “No.”
Alex: “Dada…coffee’s ready!”
Me, laughing: “No it is not you liar, but it was a good attempt.”

Me: “I can’t believe you [went out for doughnuts and] forgot about your poor, old daddy.”
Sara: “We did think about you. They weren’t that good, and we saved you from 500 calories.”
Me: “Wow. Thank you so much for falling on that grenade for me.”

Alex: “I want MINE wine! I want mine bottle!”

Quote Monday wants his big coffee

::Evelyn going upstairs without Alex::
Alex, very angry: “Eva come back here little boy!!”

Evelyn: “Yankee doodle went to…”
Alex: “Town!”
Evelyn: “Riding on a…”
Alex: “Pony!”
Evelyn: “Stuck a feather in his…”
Alex: “Hat!”
Evelyn: “…and called it…”
Alex: “Pepperoni!”

Alex: “Evie, go pee pee at Whole Foods.”
Sara: “Yes, you can go pee pee at Whole Foods.”
Alex: “Noooo, talking to Evie!”

::Sara and I get coffees::
Alex: “Where’s my big coffee?”

Quote Monday rebels

Evelyn: “When I’m in college…”
::leaning close, voice dropping low::
“…I’m going to eat the Oh’s with the *honey* on them.”

See, my theory is that your children are going to rebel anyway, so you might as well deprive them as much as possible so that their idea of rebelling is eating Honey Nut Cheerios. My only hope is that by the time the learn to hate us, it will be too late! They will already have good habits.

Ollie: “I just want to walk around and see what Chicago looks like at night.”
Me: “Oh, that’s not really a safe time to go wandering around the neighborhood.”
Ollie: “Because of…are there werewolves?”

Me: “Alex, who put all this stuff in my guitar?”
Alex, with no hesitation: “Evie did it.”

Quote Monday knows how to deal with flies

::During birthday party::
Sara: “How many kids are still here? Do you know?”

Sara: “Is there a fly on the ceiling? What should we do?”
Alex: “Get hammer.”

::Alex had a scab on his knee that fell off::
Alex, panicked: “Ouchie knee missing!”