Quote Monday is embarrassing

Alex, seeing dogs in the park: “I must play with them.”

Overheard at a baseball game, from a mother to her daughter: “You’re a woman, you don’t want to live in Texas. Or Saudi Arabia¬†.”

Evelyn: “We missed having coffee with Cops and Veterinarians!”
Sara: “…?”
Sara: “Oh, not that kind of ‘vet’!”

Ollie: “I call you, ‘The Embarrasser’ more than ‘The Daddy’!”

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Quote Monday is hungry

Sara: “We’ll give you two little bites of broccoli because you’re two years old.”
Alex: “I’m not right now.”

Ollie, having movie theater popcorn for the first time: “This popcorn really hurts my lips, but I’m addicted to it!”

Evelyn: “Ollie, I’m having butter on my toast. What do you want on yours?”
Alex: “I’ll have avocado on mine!”

Me: “You have a lot of questions today!”
Alex: “Yeah. I have a lot of why’s.”

Quote Monday has trouble

Alex: “I cannot put both ears on the pillow.”

Ollie: “Why do you need to buy clothes?”
Evelyn: “Because I’m going to go to middle school soon, and I need something fashionable.”

Alex: “What are you making?”
Sara: “A sandwich. What are you making?”
::Alex blows a tremendous blast on a whistle::
Sara: “Noise.”

Ollie: “I might have kids, or I might not…it would save me SOOO much trouble.”

Quote Monday is deprived

Ollie: “[My teacher] has the best poop!”

I think no context is required there.

Me: “How about we go upstairs and get dressed?”
Alex: “How about, ‘no’?”

Me: “We’re going to take the train to downtown today!”
Alex: “Can I drive?”

Sara: “[Girl in Ollie’s class] is so tall!”
Ollie, wistfully: “I’m a little jealous of her, because her parents give her enough food to grow, but I barely have enough to keep from starving.”

Quote Monday goes down in history

Me, planning our vacation: “Well, it’s going to be a lot of driving, but we are going to see some really cool scenery!”
Sara: “You are such a dad.”

Me: “You want me to carry you?”
Alex: “No, Evie.”
Me: “You want Evie to carry you?”
Alex: “No, you carry Evie.”

Family, singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: “You’ll go down in hissstorrryyyyy!”
Alex: “Like a poop emoji!”

Sara: “I love you.”
Alex, evasively: “…I….love…. ….. Somebody.”

Quote Monday has an idea

Alex: “I have an idea. Can you hold my poop emoji?”

Grandpa S: “You bit off my finger!”
Alex, nonplussed: “You need a doctor.”

Ollie: “I can’t believe Santa gave us nerf guns.”
Me: “I know.”
Ollie: “Next year I’m going to ask for a spear!”

Uncle Ben: “I think…when someone tells you their grandma died, you never, never respond with a gif.”

Quote Monday needs a hand

Sara: “Ollie has a bad ouchie.”
Ollie: “I hurts really, really bad.”
Alex: “You need to go to the emergency bathroom Ollie.”

Something tells me the emergency bathroom is a very different place than the emergency room…

Evelyn: “Okay so we each won one, plus you won two more.”

That is…an optimistic way to phrase it.

Alex: “I cannot do it!”
Sara: “Oh, do you need a hand?”
Alex: “I need two hands.”

::Alex trying canned pears for the first time::
Alex: “Oh, I like that!”