Author: Shane

Parenting and Poop Emojis

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I always kind of wondered what anybody would use the poo emoji for, but then I became a parent, and now I wonder how I ever lived without it.

Which leads me to this: Alex has started eating solid foods. Rather than a careful plan of how to introduce various foods at various times, graduating from rice cereal to plum-sauce to meat-paste, we instead went with more of a “eh, toss him a leg of whatever we’re eating and let him gnaw on it” approach.

I am told I am supposed to call this “baby-led weaning” instead of the more traditional name of “laziness”.

Alex LOVES being in charge of eating his own food. He has no interest in eating something from a spoon, unless he can grab it and pull your hand into his mouth himself. So far his favorite things are steak and strawberries (no word on how he feels on caviar, this guy). He doesn’t necessarily get a ton of food this way, but he’s definitely getting SOME food (see emoji above).

No crawling yet, but man he seems like he’s just on the verge (I have said this every day for like 4 weeks). He honestly seems like he might be up for walking before he gets around for crawling. He does roll all over the room, but so far he’s stuck in reverse and mostly just gets stuck under the couch.

He’s putting himself to sleep in his crib now, and that went SO MUCH EASIER than it did with the other two, that I’m almost afraid that by mentioning it here I have already jinxed it.

In other words, things are going well, moving right along, nothing to see here. Don’t worry: it’s still plenty of work, and plenty overwhelming, but you know.

How bad can your life be when you have plenty of uses for the poo emoji?

Quote Monday goes half speed

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::Ollie and Orlan playing soccer::
Ollie: “I’m only going at half speed because you’re not very good.”

Ollie: “I know how to float, but how do you sink?”
Evelyn: “Well, all of my air is in my head, and in my butt.”

Ollie: “What’s Oregon trail?”
Evelyn: “It’s a really old fashioned game. Liked mommy and daddy used to play.”

My co-worker, Drew: “Hey, I’m really proud of you!”
Me: “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
Drew: “For knowing what email is, at your age!”

The bunny has crash landed

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So pretty much no sooner had the bunny entered our house, but it started causing trouble.

We’d only had Chocolate Cuddlewuddles for a day or two when he went on some kind of rabbit rampage in Evelyn’s room. He was out in her room unsupervised, and he tore up two pretty significant parts of the carpet, and also ate a hole in Evelyn’s comforter.

Evelyn was already a bit disillusioned about the responsibility of the bunny, but this really put her over the top. I was a little confused why she was so upset of some carpet of all things, but she really seemed to take it as a personal attack.

Whereas she was a little bit nervous about the bunny before, she is now in full out panic mode. Every time he does ANYTHING, she is sure he is ruining something of hers (he also pulled some papers out from under the door in her closet and ate those, but she was really mostly upset about the carpet).

She is so over this rabbit. How quickly things change: even bringing up the subject of the rabbit is enough to get you a death glare. Unfortunately for her, we have him for another 3 weeks. Our pep talks have turned from “well, lets just see how this goes before we order our own cage” to “we agreed to care for this rabbit, so it’s our responsibility whether we like it or not”. We have to force her to let CCW out of his cage (as far as she’s concerned he can rot in jail for his crimes), and then we can just hear her yelling, “No! No! Bad bunny!” the whole time.

In other words, our plan has worked perfectly. No rabbits in our future, you can believe that. Having a room’s worth of carpet destroyed was perhaps a *little* steeper than we were intending to pay to teach this lesson, but mission accomplished in any case.

“Daddy, can I get a fish?”

::facepalm::

New story by me! “Ten Things Sunil and I Forgot to Prepare for, When Preparing for the Apocalypse”

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I have a new story out in issue 51 of Orson Scott Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show!

(Yes, that Orson Scott Card)

I am very, very proud of this story, and I really think you’re going to like it.

This title should come as NO surprise to readers of this blog. The zombie apocalypse is something I’ve spent plenty of time dissecting around here. I’m not sure what it is about the apocalyptic scenario exactly, but I never get tired of it.

Making plans, surviving on your wits, doing what you have to do…except plans never survive contact, now do they? The best laid zombie apocalypse plans would most likely fall apart before things even began (I’m forced to admit, even mine).

But what happens if your plan is *totally* wrong? Like, your plan might be great for surviving zombies, but what if when the apocalypse comes it ends up not being zombies at all?

Maybe it turns out you don’t know as much as you thought you did.

Unfortunately, you have to subscribe to read the whole story, but you can read an excerpt here.

The bunny has landed

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Some of you may remember by Evelyn’s heartfelt essay on why she should have a bunny Perhaps some of you were even persuaded yourselves.

She was earnest enough for us to go out and acquire a “trial rabbit”. Meet Oliver’s class rabbit, “Chocolate Cuddlewuddles”:

chocolate cuddlewuddles

(Evelyn and Oliver made some houses and signs to welcome our new friend)

Yes, this poor rabbit is named Chocolate Cuddlewuddles, which is what happens when you have Kindergarteners vote on names (Evelyn has said she would have named him “Smore” which is infinitely better: both appropriate to his coloration, and a heck of a lot easier to say.

Evelyn is 100% in charge of the rabbit, and so far it is having the exact desired effect: “I don’t want to have a rabbit anymore,” she told us the other day. I don’t think it was the cleaning out of the cage every few days (though she is not really a fan) or the constant need to provide it with food (which I think she would just conveniently “forget” if we didn’t keep reminder her); I think he just makes her anxious.

She is constantly worried he’s going to get into something, or chew on something, and he maybe terrifies her a little bit. She does not like having to herd him back into his cage (spoiler: bunnies do not like to be hearded).

Chocolate Cuddlewuddles is a little more spirited than Gus was, and thus not *quite* as delightful to have around the house, but still overall much better than a cat. Just not better than not having a pet at all…