Me: “Who made the couscous?”
Oliver: “Grandma Kathy?”
Me: “Nope.”
Oliver: “Mama?”
Me: “Nope, guess again.”
Oliver: “Grandpa Ron?”
Me: “No.”
Oliver: “LUNA?”

Apparently, it was more likely that the dog made the couscous then Aunt Rachael.

Sara: “Shane…we lost our snake.”

Don’t worry, we found it. I don’t know if it makes it better or worse that the snake was dead.

Rachael: “Your wife dropped a tree on my head.”
Sara, disparagingly: “Oh, it wasn’t that big.”

::Oliver hitting his stick on the sand::
Oliver: “My new stick goes, ‘fap’. My old stick went, ‘fump’.”

::Ollie and I are waiting and waiting for a bathroom stall to open up::
::Sweaty man comes out of a stall::
Man: “I think I need to go get some antibiotics!”

I’m sure there are worse things that can be said to you before you take your toddler into a bathroom stall, but I’m at a loss to come up with any.

Evie: “I think you should give Ollie constant attention, and mama should give me constant attention. Except if you need to make meals.”

Evie: “If I could add to the song, I would say, ‘May there aaaaaalways be cars.’ Oh, and how about, ‘May there neeeeeeever be traffic.'”

Me: “I’m tired. I think maybe you and Ollie should tuck me in for a nap and then you guys can do the dishes and the laundry instead.”
Evie: “Oh I would love to do that, but unfortunately that’s just not the way it works.”

::Evie, trying some melon::
Me: “Did you like it?”
Evie, making a face: “It tasted like Rice Krispies on the back of a sheep. Like regular Rice Krispies, but instead of in a bowl, they’re on a sheep’s back.”

That’s…very specific. And admittedly unappealing.

Oliver: “EE loves dada, I love mama and EE.”
Me: “What about me, do you love me too?”
Oliver: “No, EE loves dada. I love mama and EE.”
Evie: “What about Nala?”
Oliver: “I love mama and EE and Nala.”

Remember last week when I said you had to appreciate the nice quotes when they come around? Yeah, this is the other kind.

Me: “Okay Ollie, there’s no towel, so dry your hands on my pants.”
::Oliver drying his hands on my pants::
Me: “Make sure you dry the backs too.”
::Oliver walks around behind me and drys the fronts of his hands on the back of my pants::

Sara: “You’re not the mother, you don’t have to worry about him.”
Evie: “But I am the sister who worries about him!”

Oliver: “Do hip hip hooray, da da!”
::Me throwing Oliver up in the air::
Me: “Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!”
Oliver, speaking very firmly: “That’s enough!”

Oliver, yelling: “That’s Dabu, that’s Dabu!”
Evie: “That’s not Dabu, that’s the Mona Lisa.”

::Me discussing a difficult person::
Sara: “Tell him you’re only allowed to have one difficult person in your life and you chose me.”