Evie: “Hurry and get to Grandma’s house! I don’t want my naked ladies to die!”

I don’t believe any context is necessary on that one.

We were watching Oliver interact with a distant relative that he didn’t know. He was talking to him, trying to climb up in his lap, and trying to get him to jump rope. Eventually we realized that he thought the man was Grandpa Ron (and upon reflection, he does look a lot like Grandpa Ron). “You should say something,” we urged Ron. “See what he does when he realizes that isn’t you.” I figured at the least Oliver would do a double take, and possibly be embarrassed that he had the wrong guy. Not so.

Sara, pointing to Grandpa Ron: “Ask Grandpa Ron, he’ll jump rope.”
Ollie, nonplussed: “That Grandpa Ron won’t jump rope, but this one will!”

I guess Ollie doesn’t find it weird that there’s two of them now.

Evie: “Why is it called ‘The Sound of Music’ and not ‘A Female Deer’?”

I’m sure everybody would rush right out to see a movie entitled “A Female Deer”.

Evie: “Hey, forget all of this! I’m 5, I can do whatever I want!”

Me: “Aren’t I so nice? Who’s your favorite person?”
Oliver, without a millisecond of hesitation: “Mama.”
Evie: “Mama is my favorite person!”
Ollie: “No, your favorite person is dada, my favorite person is mama.”
Evie, starting to cry: “Don’t say that! My favorite person is mama!”
Me: “Can we *please* not have a fight about which one of you has to like me?”

Ollie: “I don’t want to go shopping!”
Evie: “Life is tough.”

Evie: “The ballet is going to perform donkey-hotay.”

Evie: “Mama, I’m proud of you because sometimes when you are out of patience, you make some more. And Dada, I’m proud of you because when Ollie is throwing a fit, sometimes you don’t get mad at him.”

Not every time, mind you. You can only expect so much from a person.

Evie: “Sometime can we go to the male swim?”
Barb: “Are you male?”
Me: “You’re female.”
Ollie: “You’re email!”

Ollie: “Look, a sign! It’s goin’ ABCDEFG!”

My father, the master outdoorsman and great white hunter, gave me the most amazing hiking / hunting tip I have ever heard.

“If you’re in the woods and you have to go and you don’t have any toilet paper handy, you just cut the pockets out of your pants and use those.”
“You cut out your pockets??”
“You can always sew new pockets in. It’s better than ruining a perfectly good pair of pants.”
“Have you ever done this?” I asked, bemused.
“Of course not,” he scoffed, “I always carry tissues.”

That’s a real thing that just happened. Is it too late to get a book deal for “Tips from the Great Outdoorsman” staring my dad?