Ollie: “I know if there is a fire, we meet at the meeting place. But what do we do if there’s a war?”

::Ollie telling me a scary story::
Me: “You have a good imagination.”
Ollie: “No, I have a bad imagination! It always makes me think of this scary stuff!”

Evelyn: “What kind of apples are they?”
Sara: “Empire.”
Ollie: “Vampire??”

Evie: “I’ve been getting very angry lately, and I have to stop myself from saying some of the bad words from Billy Elliot.”

Evie: “But can I watch it someday?”
Me: “Well, I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But I know something starting right nowwwwww –”
Evie: “I’ll ask mommy.”

Ollie: “What I want for Christmas is SCOTCH”
::two seconds pass by::
Ollie: “…tape.”

Grandma Butterfly: “I’m just always cold. I told them, when I die they better toss a sweater in the casket, so I won’t be cold.”
Me: “Where you’re going, it’s not going to be a problem.”
Grandma B: “Well, I’ll see you there, then.”

Me: “I’ve never seen you wear a ballcap before. You look so grown up.”
Evie, with contempt: “No I don’t. I just look like everybody else.”

Ollie, missing a swing: “That was a baaaaadmitten.”

Evie: “Can I come in and watch you eat?”
Evie, as an afterthought: “… And talk to you.”

Ollie: “When I grow up, I’m going to be a daredevil. Well…maybe just a devil.”

Ollie: “If we go to court and we lose, we can use my rope for tug-o-war.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Ollie: “You know, like you told me. If they found us guilty.”

I have no idea what I told him, but I like the idea that if you’re found guilty you can go into a tug-o-war, double-elimination round.

::Ollie and Orlan playing soccer::
Ollie: “I’m only going at half speed because you’re not very good.”

Ollie: “I know how to float, but how do you sink?”
Evelyn: “Well, all of my air is in my head, and in my butt.”

Ollie: “What’s Oregon trail?”
Evelyn: “It’s a really old fashioned game. Liked mommy and daddy used to play.”

My co-worker, Drew: “Hey, I’m really proud of you!”
Me: “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
Drew: “For knowing what email is, at your age!”

::Me, listening to music while cooking dinner::
Evelyn, walking in scandalized: “Daddy! You’re not listening to Hamilton!”

Ollie: “I like how my booty shakes when I walk.”

::Evelyn, getting in Sara’s face::
Evelyn: “Oh, okay. I was just making sure I wasn’t invisible, because nobody was paying attention to me.”