Author: Shane

Sara decided being pregnant wasn’t hard enough, so she broke her foot

/ Shane / 1 Comment

This baby is really going to be tired of hearing about this one for the rest of its life.

On Thursday, Sara was walking to get the kids at school when she stepped on some loose gravel while crossing the street. Her foot twisted under her, and she fell to her hands and knees. She called me right after and said that it hurt pretty bad, but we both assumed it was just a twisted ankle. She could still walk on it, even though it hurt pretty badly, so we decided to just kind of wait and see what happened.

So she finished the walk to school, picked up the kids, and walked home.

That night she was certainly having a lot of trouble hobbling around, and cried out a few times from pain, but she didn’t even take any Tylenol or anything. Even though it didn’t swell that much, we were still certain it was a sprain. In retrospect, all of the bruising and pain were localized to a *very specific* part of the foot, but hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, the next morning it didn’t seem much better, so she called first thing for a doctor’s appointment. She was on hold for 30 minutes, and by the time they answered, there were no appointments left. She also tried to page her doctor, but didn’t get a call back. “Oh well,” she decided. “I guess I’ll just stay off it over the weekend and see if it’s better by Monday.”

Her doctor finally called back 7 hours later and said she would take a look if Sara could come over right away (good thing she works at the hospital!). They decided to do x-rays, but didn’t think they’d be able to read them until the next day, so Sara started walking home. When she was halfway home, the doctor called back and said, “Your foot is broken, you have to come back to the hospital!”

So she turned around and walked back.

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We figured out later that between when she fell (about 3 p.m. on Thursday) and when it was diagnosed (about 5:30 p.m. on Friday), she walked about 5 miles on it.

That’s totally worse than walking uphill both ways to school.

The doctor said 6 – 8 weeks for the boot, which means it won’t be off before the baby is born. I’m not sure why adding a broken foot makes labor seem that much worse, but labor with a broken foot just seems that much worse.

The main problem is that Sara walks *everywhere*, and we’re pretty dependent on that to get around. She has the car now, but it doesn’t really help; we can’t really park closer to work or school than our house anyway (this is assuming that Sara is even able to drive). So the next couple of weeks just got a bit trickier.

Let no one say that Sara doesn’t like a challenge!

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Review Roundup

/ Shane / Leave a comment

I have a couple of stories out recently, and since (probably) don’t google me quite as obsessively as *I* google me, I thought I might bring them to your attention.

First up, I had “The Story of Daro and the Arbolita” in the November issue of Analog.

This is what Lois Tilton at Locus had to say:

Humans settling Tillal, the world of the arbolita, take great pains to avoid harming the margalo trees that sustain much life on the planet. Daro is driving a truck through the forest when he sees an injured arbolita lying on the path. Attempting desperately to avoid striking her, he swerves his truck so that he’s injured and several trees are uprooted. For this crime, the arbolita intend to sentence him to death, but at least he gets a trial.

I’ve seen quite a number of stories concerning humans caught up in alien justice systems, but this one relies on the philosophical thought experiments typified by the trolley problem. I like this use; although the fictional situation might be considered rather contrived, so, of course, are the original thought experiments.

Bob Blough at Tangent says:

Shane Halbach is a new writer to me. He shows promise in “The Story of Daro and the Arbolita” by his use of stories within the alien culture he creates. A man driving a futuristic big rig on an alien planet crashes into some trees in order to avoid killing a native. Due to this, Daro is put on trial for killing the trees. The society is very lightly sketched and the trial involves telling stories to remind the judge of certain truths. It is an interesting idea but too fleeting a glimpse to be very memorable.

So he wants more from me. Got it. Editors take note.

Sam Tomaino at SFRevu says:

“Daro is driving a “suspensor tug” towing a flatbed through a narrow road on the planet Tillal when he sees one of the native arbolita lying on the road in front of him. To save her life, he lets loose the flatbed which destroys several of the sacred margalo trees. He finds himself on trial for his life and must tell a good story to get out of it. Nicely done.

Finally, Rocket Stack Rank says:

Rating: 4, Recommended

On planet Tillal, the Arbolita practically worship their margolo trees, and killing one is a crime–even to save a life.

This is essentially a courtroom drama, even though it’s a very alien court. The hapless public defender makes for good comic relief. The idea of defending oneself by telling a story is interesting.

The story is light enough that we don’t get deeply emotionally involved, although the scene at the very end where the Arbolita Daro saved peeks at him before he goes comes close.

(Although I particularly appreciate the comment there that says, “What a strange and memorable story. The words monkey trial and kangaroo court come to mind but they don’t quite describe the scene of ape-like creatures using fables to judge a man. :-)”

Moving over to “Exit Strategy” in Fantasy Scroll #9,

Quick Sip Reviews says:

This one might not be as Halloween-themed as some of the other ones, but it certainly is a lot of damn fun. Calling to mind older sword and sorcery fantasy stories, it involves a dwarf, a heist, and a dragon. And I’m not going to lie, this one reads an awful lot like a D&D session, but that’s never really bothered me. It reads like a really fun D&D session, filled with fun characters and people doing their best to find the weakness of a tough opponent and find a way to bend a few rules. In any fantasy where there’s a rather rigid magic system, there are situations where things can be interpreted rather loosely. And here things get a bit clever as Delevan, the dwarf, and his fellow thieves seek to filch a whole lot of coin from a powerful dragon. There is a bit of back-story as the characters argue before agreeing to team up, and a lot of banter as things go from bad to worse to everything-was-fine-from-the-start. The characterization might not be incredibly deep, but sometimes that’s not the point. Sometimes the point is seeing people get eaten by a dragon and live to tell about it. Fast and with a delightful and rather grumpy voice, the story does what it sets out to do: to entertain. Job well done.

Overall, very positive. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed my stories or left me a comment. If the worst thing you can say is, “This story was too short,” I guess I’m doing all right. 🙂

Lasagna-Stuffed Spaghetti Squash

/ Shane / 3 Comments

The first Friday of the month is reserved for recipes. You can see additional First Friday Food posts here.

The Reason:

I like spaghetti squash in principle. It *seems* like it is a good idea, however, I never seem to like the results. I’ve tried spaghetti squash recipes repeatedly, but it always came out kind of…cold and squash-y. This time, I’ve finally found a winner!

The Journey:

Spaghetti squash is kind of like magic. It looks like any regular squash…

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…but then it somehow separates into these individual tentacles strands of spaghetti. So, kind of unlike every other squash you’ve ever seen. Unlike every other VEGETABLE you’ve ever seen. I mean, it’s definitely not some kind of alien fruit or impregnation device, right? Heh, because that would be *crazy*, right? RIGHT?

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Make sure you squeeze as much water out of the squash as possible, so it’s not runny (also, it can’t hurt *just in case* they are actual alien tentacles). Throw some salt in there too; you never really can be too careful with potential slimy alien tentacles.

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The Verdict:

Maybe I just like lasagne. When I was a kid, lasagne was my “birthday meal”. So if I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO INGEST ALIEN TENTACLES (and/or impregnation devices), then disguising them as lasagna is really the way to go.

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(This post was definitely written by Shane Halbach, being sound of mind and body, and not some alien overlord guest blogging and trying to make you eat our weird alien fruits and/or impregnation devices.)

The Recipe:

Recipe from The Kitchn:

  • 5 pounds spaghetti squash (2 medium-sized squash)
  • 1 teaspoon olive oil
  • 1 yellow onion, diced
  • 2 to 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 pound ground beef
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, divided
  • 1 (15-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
  • 2 cups ricotta, whole or 2%
  • 1/4 cup roughly chopped parsley
  • 1 cup shredded mozzarella
  • Chopped parsley or basil, to garnish
  1. Preheat the oven to 400°F. Cut the squashes in half and scoop out the seeds. Lay them cut-side down in a roasting pan or other baking dish, and add about an inch of water. Roast for 45 to 60 minutes, until soft when poked with a fork. Transfer to a cooling rack until cool enough to handle.
  2. While the squash is roasting, warm the olive oil in a high-sided skillet or saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir in the onions and cook until translucent, 5 to 8 minutes. Stir in the garlic and cook until fragrant, 30 seconds. Add the ground beef and 1 teaspoon of salt. Cook until well-browned, breaking up the beef into small crumbles, 5 to 8 minutes. Stir in the crushed tomatoes and bring to a simmer. Continue simmering the sauce until the squashes are ready, 5 to 20 minutes. Taste the sauce and add more salt if desired.
  3. Use a fork to shred the inside of the squash, leaving about a half-inch of squash left in the shell. Mix the shredded squash into the tomato sauce. In a separate bowl, mix together the ricotta cheese, the parsley and 1/2 teaspoon of salt.
  4. Layer one half of the tomato-squash mixture into a 9×13 pan and top with the ricotta. Top with the second half of the tomato-squash mixture.
  5. Bake for 25 minutes, then sprinkle with mozzarella. Bake another 15 to 20 minutes, until bubbly.
  6. Sprinkle parsley or basil over the tops and serve immediately. Leftovers will keep for 1 week in the fridge.

Something Seems Fishy…

/ Shane / Leave a comment

When I was walking the kids to school this morning, I passed a notice pasted on a light pole. It’s not super common to have notices in my neighborhood, so I was curious, and I went to read it. It was for an archery tournament / costume carnival in our neighborhood.

Archery tournament / costume carnival? In my neighborhood? That sounds extremely improbable, but also awfully familiar…

I got out a pen to write “ROBIN DON’T GO THE SHERIFF IS PLANNING A TRAP”, but unfortunately the event already took place. No word on if there were any stork costumes or amazing arrow-splitting shots. Good luck, buddy, hope you made it out alive.

 

Science says I’m going to be eaten by zombies

/ Shane / Leave a comment

A new study shows that Chicago is a terrible place to be during the (inevitable) zombie apocalypse. Specifically, it ranks 49th out of the 53 largest cities in the U.S.

In general, I agree that big cities are terrible places to be during a zombie apocalypse. There are too many people, and each one of them is, at best, a leather-clad motorcycle raider waiting to happen, and at worst a member of the shambling horde, ready to be the straw that broke the camel’s back by adding *just enough* body weight onto your outer security perimeter to send you running for the hills. How does every zombie movie go? First you have the initial rush for safety, then a nice lull in the middle while the survivors consolidate their fortress, then the inevitable overwhelming tide of zombies overrunning everything.

If you hang around in a place as populated as Chicago, you’re practically begging for a tsunami of zombies.

However, I’m not so sure I agree with the methodology of this study. Far be it from me to question the scientific rigor of the researchers at CareerBuilder.com, but the metrics that they are looking at make no sense. Population density? Sure, makes sense. Equating the number of available handguns to the number of people in law enforcement? Yeah, come hang out in my neighborhood sometime. I guess all those guys hanging out on the corner are off duty cops.

But looking at the number of people in “biomedical research and development” makes absolutely no sense. First off, you don’t find a cure by sheer numbers. It kind of matters WHICH researchers you have working on the project (the guys studying which direction dogs like to poop in, for example, probably aren’t going to be a big help). Second off, if someone does manage to find a cure, it doesn’t really matter where they are. I don’t care that they’re in another city, only that they found a cure. Finally, your ability to develop a cure has nothing to do with your ability to hole up during a zombie outbreak. If someone, somewhere, wants to work on a cure, I highly encourage them to take that route, but it doesn’t help me secure my canned goods (and bee tee dubs, spoiler alert: there’s never a cure. All the aspirin in the world can’t cure someone who had their face eaten off two weeks ago.)

Look, I’m a software engineer, so I think I’m qualified to say that if you’re counting being close to MIT as an asset in a fight, you’re doing it wrong.

Okay, maybe it makes some sense to look at some of those things, but it seems silly to leave out vastly more important concerns. Who has the best natural barriers, like rivers and mountains? Who is closest to food warehouses? Military bases? CDC locations? Who lives the closest to Norman Reedus??

(All that being said, good work Grand Rapids! #12 overall. Who would have thought?)

Link via Andrew.