Alex: “I have an idea. Can you hold my poop emoji?”

Grandpa S: “You bit off my finger!”
Alex, nonplussed: “You need a doctor.”

Ollie: “I can’t believe Santa gave us nerf guns.”
Me: “I know.”
Ollie: “Next year I’m going to ask for a spear!”

Uncle Ben: “I think…when someone tells you their grandma died, you never, never respond with a gif.”