Evelyn: “Can somebody take him?”
Me: “Evelyn, picking up your brother is like picking up trash off the ground. You should have left it alone, but now you’re responsible for it.”

Sara made me write that one down.

Ollie: “Every number is a word if you put an ‘H’ in front of it. ‘Zero’ turns into ‘Hero’. ‘Hun’ like, ‘come here hon’, ‘Who’ like, ‘who is it?’, ‘He’ like ‘him’, ‘Whore’ like ‘horror’…”
Ollie: “What? Why are you laughing?”

Ollie: “I wish I could possess mommy and daddy. Because then we could have candy whenever we want.”

::Sara getting the mail::
UPS Guy: “That package wasn’t me. I think the mailman is going to end up on youtube…”