Month: April 2012

Aren’t they already married to the sea?

/ Shane / 2 Comments

Being a sea captain is hard work and big responsibility. It doesn’t leave much time for dating. Sure, you could try those “other” dating sites, but why not go to the one site that specializes in your particular situation? Sea Captain Date.com

That’s right, now there’s a dating site for you my friends!

DATING CAN BE A STORMY SEA
That’s why we’re here for you. Since 2007, we’ve been helping lonely Sea Captains like you find their match.

With over three years of experience, it’s no surprise that SeaCaptainDate.com is the premier dating service for Sea Captains.

And

FIND YOUR FIRST MATE
Sea Captain Date is the only place for Sea Captains to connect with men and women who share a love of the ocean.

With thousands of Captains already online, SeaCaptainDate.com is the destination for romance on the seven seas!

I’ve been browsing through the personals, and I’ve noticed a few things:

  1. These guys are definitely Sea Captains. Look at them!
  2. Sea Captains sure love beards.
  3. Sea Captains’ personal ads are about as creepy as regular people’s personal ads.
  4. Where are all the pirates? I thought this site would be crawling with them. Is there a separate pirate captain dating site I should know about??

I guess pirates don’t really “date” so much as “carry off wenches”, but still, color me disappointed.

Memory

/ Shane / Leave a comment

I have seen Evie play memory with adults, and she usually wins. However, I never really could tell if they were letting her win, or how hard they were really trying.

Well folks, I played against her, and it’s no hoax.

The first game we played, she whipped me pretty good. The final score was 19-7, but believe me, it wasn’t as close as that sounds. 3 of my pairs were because I had control at the end, and I just mopped up the final pairs. About halfway through the game, I just started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop. It just seemed like a magic trick; she would turn over a card and then just immediately turn over the match, when I didn’t even remember seeing that card before. I was trying as hard as I could, and she just absolutely crushed me.

Me: “Do you know why I’m laughing? Because it seems like magic.”
Evie: “You don’t remember, so it seems like magic to you.”

Well put, little lady.

Of course this might have been a fluke, so I played her two more times, determined to get a win. Both of these games seemed much more competitive, with me having a lead several times. And technically they were more competitive, since she only beat me 16-10 in both of those games. Go me!

After the third game it was pretty clear that I had no chance to beat her. She was so clearly better than me that she was simply playing on another level. Now, to be fair, my memory is not very good. So perhaps I am not the poster child for Memory Champion of the World. But an adult should be able to beat a 4 year old, no?

Me: “Evie, this isn’t even fair, I have a bad memory and you have a really good memory.”
Evie: “Well, that’s just the way life goes.”

Indeed.

She’s not perfect. There were a few times when I remembered one that she didn’t. But those occurrences were pretty rare. In fact, the few times she turned over a card that was not what she expected (like if she turned over the one to the right of the one she wanted), you could register the shock on her face. It was like, “How did that happen? Did someone move the cards around on me?” And believe me, I considered moving them around when she wasn’t looking too.

I’m thinking of using her new party trick to hustle people on the street for money. There’s no way they’d expect this girl to be so good. She doesn’t even seem to pay that much attention when you’re playing!

So…anybody up for a game?

Jem and the Holograms

/ Shane / 2 Comments

Back in the ’80s, there was a fantastic cartoon by the name of Jem.

Jerrica was a mild mannered band manager by day, but a mysterious pop superstar known as Jem by night. She achieved this with the help of a computer known as Synergy, which was able to project holograms out of Jerrica’s earrings. Therefore, in addition to other illusions, Synergy could project the Jem image over the top of Jerrica, keeping her identity a secret. Sort of Hanna Montana with crime-fighting superpowers.

Jem was supposed to be for girls, so why did I like it? Was it because Jem was outrageous? Truly, truly, truly outrageous? Wikipedia tells me “the same team responsible for G.I. Joe and Transformers”, so I guess those guys just had my number. The thing is, I don’t feel like Jem is remembered with the same fondness as G.I. Joe and Transformers. Is this some kind of gender issue? Or is it because the bad guys on those show were cold blooded killers, and the bad guys on Jem were only evil because their “songs are bitter”.

The best part is that I now use a program at work called Synergy. Is it a coincidence, or do you think the creators of that software were Jem fans? It neither speaks, nor creates holographic projections, but that doesn’t mean I can’t say things like, “Synergy, download the latest model for me!” I don’t think it listens to me.

Maybe I have the wrong earrings.

Quote Monday is a little short this week

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Hello everybody. Just arrived back from vacation today. I’m sure you’ll hear aaaaalllll about it shortly, but most likely not this week, since it will take me a minute to get things back in order. Consequently, Quote Monday is a little short this week. Please stand by.

-The Management

Tom: “Remember to turn your alarm off.”
Ben: “I don’t have any alarm set.”
Tom: “No, every day at noon I hear an alarm going off in your room.”
…
Tom: “Ben, it’s going off right now! Come listen!”
Ben: “That’s the alarm on your watch.”

Sara said she didn’t want the rest of her bun with peanut butter on it. Evie said, “I want it!” Oliver, arriving on the scene but having no idea what we were talking about, immediately starts screaming and punching his sister. When I pull him off her, screaming and crying, I ask him, “Oliver, what are you so upset about?” He replies, “No Evie want it! Ollie want it!” And that’s called sibling rivalry folks, it doesn’t matter what she wants, he wants it more.