My story “Never” now available from The Sockdolager

Peter Pan was kind of a dick.

I mean, all of Neverland exists solely so he can play out his fantasies. Whatever he wants, he gets: kick ass tree house, mermaids, fairies. He wants adventures, so he gets pirates…regardless of what the pirates think of the matter. Even if the pirates were real people with real lives, and people who cared for them, and maybe, just maybe hoping for one more chance to redeem themselves from some really terrible deeds…too bad! Peter says you’ve got to come and let him trounce you for all eternity, so that’s your new life. Bad luck fellows!

Neverland is a paradise, but only as long as you’re Peter. If you’re a pirate, it’s a fate worse than death.

Hop on over to the Spring issue of The Sockdolager and read all about it. And if you prefer the entire issue in an easier to read format, you can do that too (might I recommend the print edition?)

The world’s only pirate banking software


Does this institution accept doubloons? Arrrg! Transfer to me checking. And hurry up! A Deadliest Catch marathon be on.

Pirate Party

Since I was gone for a couple of weeks (more on that in a post later this week), we just now got around to celebrating Evelyn’s birthday. Evie had the idea to do a “murder mystery” party (you know, like most 8 year olds), but they strangely don’t make a lot of those for kids.

Sara looked around online and found a company that makes kid-friendly equivalents. However, there were like 8 princess ones, and Evelyn said, “absolutely not” to that idea. So instead, we ended up with pirates.


It turns out, hosting a pirate mystery party is a tremendous amount of work. Not only do you have to prepare everything for the kit and come up with really awesome food ideas, you also have to deal with the fact that the company involved thought it would be a really good idea to have the scavenger hunt lead to rooms such as “the master bedroom” and “the main bathroom”. And you can’t just stuff all the mess in a closet or something because, hello, it’s a scavenger hunt, where do you think the kids are going to start digging first?

So, yeah, lots and lots of cleaning.

Of course, Evelyn also demanded a chocolate cheesecake, because it can’t be easy, right?


Luckily we borrowed a truly authentic looking pirate chest for the grand finale (filled with Pirate’s Booty, natch). We gathered clues, solved mysteries, swabbed the deck, played pirate guessing games, and told pirate jokes, but when the kids found that pirate chest, they lost their freaking minds. I doubt real pirates, with real gold, were ever so excited about finding a treasure chest. Or, if they were that excited, I bet their screams were not quite so high pitched.


Despite the tremendous amount of work, I don’t think I exaggerate to say it was the best party I’ve ever given. Everybody had a blast (even the adults), and it lived up to all of Evelyn’s expectations (something that, needless to say, is difficult to manage on the best of days).

I’m already a little nervous about what she’ll want next year…


Quote Monday plays word games

Ollie: “Can we have a snack?”
Me: “Not right this second.”
Ollie: “Can we have a snack?”
Me: “Not right this second, Ollie.”
Ollie: “Well, it’s a different second.”

Ollie: “I’m firsty.”
Me: “Firsty?”
Ollie: “No, fffffffirsty.”
Me: “Do you mean thhhhhirsty?”
Ollie: “I’m drinkful.”

Ollie: “Pigs have a manny bank.”

::Drinking smoothies::
Ollie: “Shiver me timbers, I’m cold!”

Now that’s a sign of a kid who’s raised right.

Aren’t they already married to the sea?

Being a sea captain is hard work and big responsibility. It doesn’t leave much time for dating. Sure, you could try those “other” dating sites, but why not go to the one site that specializes in your particular situation? Sea Captain

That’s right, now there’s a dating site for you my friends!

That’s why we’re here for you. Since 2007, we’ve been helping lonely Sea Captains like you find their match.

With over three years of experience, it’s no surprise that is the premier dating service for Sea Captains.


Sea Captain Date is the only place for Sea Captains to connect with men and women who share a love of the ocean.

With thousands of Captains already online, is the destination for romance on the seven seas!

I’ve been browsing through the personals, and I’ve noticed a few things:

  1. These guys are definitely Sea Captains. Look at them!
  2. Sea Captains sure love beards.
  3. Sea Captains’ personal ads are about as creepy as regular people’s personal ads.
  4. Where are all the pirates? I thought this site would be crawling with them. Is there a separate pirate captain dating site I should know about??

I guess pirates don’t really “date” so much as “carry off wenches”, but still, color me disappointed.