Christmas 2013

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Evie was a “wise-person” this year in the Christmas play. This Christmas play is no joke; they estimated 1500 people were there!

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Oliver is obsessed with taping things together and making these giant 3D sculptures. Santa got him an enormous, multi-colored tape dispenser, just like the one he uses at school. However, Oliver was extremely put out: “I only asked Santa for a red scooter, why did he give me tape?” “I only asked Santa for a red scooter, why did he give me candy?” “That’s weird, I only asked Santa for a red scooter, why did he give me legos?”

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In other news, a certain red scooter is currently wearing tracks up and down the hallway.

As for Evie, she’s already on to her third hot pad…

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Merry Christmas!

Santa 2013

Christmas in Pictures

Very traditional Christmas around these parts. There were Christmas cookies,

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and these were some of the fanciest decorated Christmas cookies you’ve ever seen. It was actually fun to do all of the detailed, pinpoint frosting, and everybody’s turned out really nice. Evie actually had some of the best looking ones.

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Of course we saw Santa (I knew when he was going to be downtown, thanks to jury duty). Evie asked for Barbies and a Barbie house, and Oliver asked for cake, candy, and mustard.

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Evie reprised her role as an angel in the Christmas eve service

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and let me tell you, she totally nailed it. No one has ever delivered a line with such force and determination. When her cue came, she was up, out, and ready to go while the other angels were still looking around for their halos. Behold the dedication, and marvel in the perfect form of her arms:

christmas play

Christmas morning went well, and everybody got everything their heart desired. Santa gave Ollie a bunch of kitchen utensils to help with the cooking, and he put them to good use on his “O for Ollie!” cake.

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But I know what you’re thinking; did he get his mustard??

2012_12_25_9498Mustard achieved, Christmas successful.

Merry Christmas

In the spirit of past Christmas videos (like the still-awesome Nicholas Was), I present to you Twas the Night by Norm Sherman of the Drabblecast.

I recommend listening to the audio, but if you prefer, here it is in text format:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the edifice
Not a creature was stirring, neither mouse nor St. Nicolas
The stockings were hung by the aperture gaping
Where smoke, in it’s wisdom, had ‘ere been escaping

Downstairs my uncle was strapped down in bed
While visions of ichor danced round in his head
His nightmares of late had been growing much stronger
And sense dared not trespass his mind any longer

Once a learned professor at Brown University
My great-uncle had often, in secret, conversed with me
In his study at night, over manuscripts moldering
With a pipe at his lips, always lambent and smoldering

All that research of his, into cults esoteric
Strange symbols and glyphs and arcane numerics
Of that Dutch survey crew and their frenzied report
Of a vast arctic city filled with sunken faced dwarves

And that journal recovered from one ‘Ensign Lamar’
Which references “He that rides beasts through the stars”
Gloaming and heaving with corpulent dread
Bloated, batrachian and covered in red

And then there’s the relic in my uncle’s display:
A 4-sided top carved of wood, or some clay
With symbols engraved into each of its sides
That surely must tell of coming end times

I was pondering this manifold doom that would smite us
When out from my window shone a miasmal brightness
How the pale gibbous moon shown down on his back
Which bulged with the throngs of some hideous sack

With some alien ululations in a primordial tongue
He froze me in place, and unable to run
I was forced to bear witness to things vile and foul
So unspeakably horrid I can scarce speak them now

He summoned his steeds by their blasphemous names
And with his gangrenous grasp he pulled down on their reigns
Then suddenly upwards that noxious horde flew
That red bellied nightmare rising up from my view

Cacodemoniacal laughter I heard from my roof
And the lumbering clomps of thick octopoid hooves
Then repugnant and hoary, his stench filled the air
While he writhed down my chimney as I watched from the stairs

He spoke not a sound as then off from his back
He heaved up that thick throbbing cyst of a sack
And from it a stench came so charnel and dense
That I nearly passed out when he drew from it thence:

An Amazon Kindle, and a few pairs of nice socks
A sweater, a tie, and Call of Duty: Black Ops
Law and Order Season V on Blueray DVD
And an espresso machine,…hope he kept the receipt

Then all at once swung round this tenebrous being
And with dark ancient eyes of unfathomable seeing
Their biliferous blackness spanning eons extinct
Revealing my own maddening fate, with a wink

Then into that monolith of chimney he lurched
With the gelatinous frenzy of invertebrate birth
Ripping free to the roof he launched into the night
With a vow to return when the stars are just right

Quote Monday supports coal

Evie: “I bet poor people who don’t have any houses try to be naughty all year so Santa will bring them coal for a fire.”

::watching a freight train go by::
Evie: “I bet all of this coal is on it’s way to Santa for all the naughty girls and boys.”

Me: “I’m wearing these pants because I’m saving my good jeans for court.” <– Something tells me I wasn’t the first person to speak these words

Me: “Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. Do you know what happens on Christmas Eve?”
Ollie: “Hating the Whos?”

::Me, jumping out from under a bridge::
Me: “Who’s that clip-clopping on my bridge?”
Ollie: “Me!”
Me: “Now I’m going to eat you all up!”
Ollie: “No way, José!”