When it rains, it pours

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I am pleased to announce the sale of my story “Downsizing Pluto” to Daily Science Fiction.

After 3 1/2 years of writing with no success, here’s a second sale already. Must be something about places with rocket logos.

This story speculates on what might have happened to cause the downfall of poor little planet #9.

Daily Science Fiction isn’t a magazine in a traditional sense. You can sign up on their webpage to receive a story emailed to you every weekday.

Our stories are mostly short short fiction (flash fiction) each Monday through Thursday, hopefully the right length to read on a coffee break, over lunch, or as a bedtime tale. Friday’s weekend stories are longer.

I will let you know when the story is available online (or, if you are a fan of science fiction, you can go ahead and sign up for their emails, and then you will know it is available when it arrives in your inbox). It should be a couple of months or so.

Here’s to more announcements like these!

My wedding ring is once again in my possession

/ Shane / 1 Comment

Remember just over a year ago, when I lost my wedding ring? Well, it seems kind of crazy to say, but yesterday my ring was found and returned to me.

The last time I saw my ring, it had fallen off my hand while I was pulling out last year’s tomato plants in the garden. The next day, when I noticed my ring was gone, it occurred to me that perhaps I had lost it in the garden. Specifically, I wondered about the compost pile, since I had been throwing in said tomato plants. So I scoured the entire garden several times (as I did every place I had been) but I never found it.

Yesterday, however, the “keeper of the compost” decided to uproot some of the plants growing in the cinder blocks around the compost bin. He pulled up a plant and uncovered a ring. He quickly defeated an inhuman monster in a riddle contest deep underground, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Just kidding about that last part, what he actually did was have the garden administrators send out a mass email asking if anybody had lost a wedding ring. Sara got to it first and responded immediately with a couple of pointed questions, including the inscription (only visible when heated in a fire of course). It turned out to be my ring (wouldn’t it have been weird if someone else’s wedding ring had been found in the garden?), and since the ring bearer works nearby, Sara had it in her hands a few hours later.

I know there are better stories out there. I mean, its not like I found it in the belly of a fish I caught 20 years later or something. But I had given up all hope of finding my ring so long ago, that this just really came out of the blue and felt like a miracle. I think even the guy who found the ring was surprised at how quickly he was able to find and return it to its rightful owner.

I’m not even sure what I’m going to do with it. Should I re-size it and wear it again, or should I keep it in a safe place and continue to wear my replacement ring? Or should I simply walk into Mordor and throw it in the Crack of Doom?

Decisions, decisions.

Quote Monday leads a dangerous life

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Me: “Shots fired! You know, I finally figured out that it’s not always fireworks.”
Sara: “Well, it only took you six years to realize Chicago is not just the most festive city in America.”

Me: “Just making sure it was you and not some knife-killer.”
Sara: “I might be.”
Me: “Hmm, yeah, I guess knowing that it’s you neither confirms or denies whether or not you might try to kill me.”

Me: “…and that tall one there is the Trump Tower.”
Evie: “Isn’t that where the Grinch lives?”
Me: “Uh, I think you’re thinking of Mt. Crumpit, but then again, I guess some people would agree with you.”

Mystery Science Theater 3000

/ Shane / 1 Comment

Oh, my friends. Let me tell you about one of the greatest shows every produced in the history of mankind: Mystery Science Theater 3000.

The MST3K planet logo

“Mystery Science Theater 3000” is a mouthful, so it’s often shortened to mst3k, or even “misty” due to the fact that even mst3k is a bit of a mouthful, and misty is what it sounds like when you say “m-s-t” really fast.

The premise of the show was simple (and spelled out right there in the theme song):

In the not-too-distant future — Next Sunday A.D. —
There was a guy named Joel, Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute, Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn’t like him, so they shot him into space.

We’ll send him cheesy movies, The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He’ll have to sit and watch them all, And we’ll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Joel can’t control Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts To make his robot friends.

Makes, perfect sense, right?

So Joel and the robots were forced to watch terrible movies (mostly science fiction) and in order to keep their sanity, spent the entire time making fun of them. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you may have run across the iconic image of the guys sitting in their movie seats in front of the screen:

As is the case with writing about any of the things I love, I just don’t know how to convey how much I loved mst3k. I’d have to explain how funny the show is, or how I would practically prop my eyes open with toothpicks to try and stay up until the episode started at midnight, or how much I loved my mst3k tee shirt in college, or how devastated I was when Joel left the show, vowing I would never like Mike no matter what, only to later like Mike so much that I had trouble deciding which host I preferred, or how my and Sara’s first date involved watching Manos: The Hands of Fate. Eleven years and 197 episodes, not to mention how many times I’ve watched the ones I have on DVD (and even more that I can’t watch anymore because they’re on VHS!)

Long story short, it was a great show and I’m feeling all sad and nostalgic just thinking about it.

There are so many good episodes (about 197 of them, give or take), but off the top of my head I would have to list my favorites in this order:

  1. The Final Sacrifice
  2. Pod People
  3. Manos: The Hands of Fate
  4. Space Mutiny

I know the guys are still out there doing RiffTrax (you buy the mp3 of their commentary and sync it to the movie as you watch it), but I’ve never tried it out. Anybody want to make it a movie night? And if not, I’ve got plenty of old misty episodes lying around…

Search Term Rollup

/ Shane / 2 Comments

“sharktopus colouring in pages” – Like, for kids to color? We’re still talking about this thing, right? That’s what you want your kids to be coloring?

“are zombies allergic to pee circles” – Well? Are they? Because that sure could simplify my zombie apocalypse plans quite a bit…

“what if a praying mantis sees himself in a mirror” – Indeed. What if.

“pipe manners meth” – You know, I’d hate to be impolite when I’m SMOKING METH.

“animated gifs allergic reaction” – An animated gif of an allergic reaction, or a person who is allergic to animated gifs?

“stomp on my glasses please” – WHAAA?

“bowling mustache” – Isn’t that redundant? Is there any other kind of mustache?

“president riding a dinosaur” – Yes please! You show me a president riding on a dinosaur, and I show you my vote, no questions asked.

“how to make baby stuffed quilts” – I’d go for wool myself, but I suppose babies would work too.

“how to draw the green bay packers logo” – IT’S THE LETTER G

“why u-shaped toilet seat pee on floor” – I know, right?

“negative points of putting sandhood and milk on face” – Because, I see the positives of rubbing sand (hood?) and milk on your face, but I just can’t see what the negatives are?