My So Called Life

Settlers of Catan taught me how to play Craps

/ Shane / 5 Comments

Last weekend, my brother taught me how to play craps. It turns out that craps is a fabulous game, and absolutely the best table game I’ve ever played at a casino. It seems *very* intimidating at first, but you can kind of ease into it by sticking to a pass line bet until you figure out the rules. You don’t need to understand all of the bets to play, and the majority of bets are very easy to understand.

But the best part about craps is the energy.

Usually, the worst part about playing in a casino is the other people. I love poker, but I feel like I am surrounded by hard-core card sharks, taking my money and laughing all the way to the bank about my rookie mistakes. Blackjack is even worse. You wouldn’t think so, but I’ve heard people complain for hours about how the idiot next to them hit on a 14 when the dealer was clearly showing a 6, causing them not to get the card they needed and making everything off by one so the dealer ended up not busting the way they should have…you get the point. But in craps, everybody is rooting for the same thing. You’re all playing together, and your bets don’t affect anybody else. When a shooter is hot, everybody is winning. Yelling encouragement, cheering, and high-fives are absolutely allowed (except with the dealer apparently. I tried to give her a high-five and she just looked at me with cold eyes and said, “I can’t touch you.”)

At the end of the day, it’s a casino game; you’re going to lose your money. But you might as well have some fun an excitement while you’re doing it.

Craps is a game that is essentially about probability of dice rolls. This is relatively straightforward: 7 is the most likely, followed by 6 and 8, followed by 5 and 9, etc. But you could tell that some of the old-timers really had a gut feel for what numbers were going to come up next. And then I realized, so did I. This was just a fancied-up version of Settlers of Catan.

In Settlers, a roll of a 7 moves the Robber, generally a bad thing, though maybe not as bad as a 7 out in craps. Other rolls earn you resources which you can use to buy things (otherwise known as money). It is therefore desirable to be located next to numbers that are most likely to be rolled because, probabilistically speaking, you will get more resources that way. You’ll notice in the picture above, 6 and 8 are highlighted red, and all other numbers have a set of dots underneath them, more dots indicating numbers that are more likely to come up, and less dots indicating less likely numbers.

Of course, just like in Settlers, you can sit all day on an 8 while everybody rolls 4’s like a boss. And a 7 is a little more painful when there’s actually money on the line. But still, if you’ve played a lot of Settlers, you’ve essentially played a lot of craps.

On the other hand, I lost all of my money. So, you know, take any advice from me on the subject with a little grain of salt. I’m actually better at Settlers of Catan than craps, so that should tell you everything you need to know. I guess the real question is, why aren’t we playing Settlers of Catan for money?

Halbach World Reunion

/ Shane / 1 Comment

Last weekend we we attended the International Halbach Family Reunion.

Halbach family crest

 

I was suspicious that maybe it would be only my family, but I was pleasantly surprised. There were maybe 50 or so people there, and it really was international. There were Halbachs from Germany and Canada as well as around the U.S. including Georgia, Missouri, and of course Wisconsin, Illinois, and Indiana. A pretty big turnout!

 

halbach family reunion

 

Everybody was very nice, but then they would be, wouldn’t they? They’re Halbachs. Unfortunately, I spent most of the time catching up with my aunts, uncles, and cousins, but then again I don’t see them that often.

We all had a really good time, especially Ollie who spent every minute of the day in the bounce house.

bounce house

The next world reunion is in Germany in 2015, and I have to say that we’re seriously considering going. I’ve never been to Germany, and it seems like a pretty good excuse to go.

 

Father’s Day 2013

/ Shane / 2 Comments

For father’s day, Sara and the kids surprised me with a video. I knew they were up to something, mostly because Evie was bouncing in her seat with excitement for a few days before, but I definitely didn’t suspect a video. It was rather unfortunate that we were staying at my grandma’s house with others, because I bawled like a baby through multiple viewings (followed by a couple of aftershock crying jags in the shower, which were at least private).

Obviously this means a lot more to me than to you, gentle reader, but it’s just so wonderful. There are so many little details that are just absolutely perfect (and believe me, I’ve watched it many, many times, so I should know), and I can appreciate the time it took to sort through all the pictures and videos. It absolutely could not be more perfect.

Thank you Sara, there’s nothing better you could have given me!

Worst Flight Ever

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Yesterday I had to fly to Washington D.C. for work. I don’t love day trips to D.C. Even though it’s only for a day, it takes a lot out of you. This is especially true because in order to make my morning meeting, I have to take a very early flight. Considering how long it takes me to get to O’Hare, and how much lead time you want to leave to get through security, etc., that meant getting up at 2:30 a.m.

So going into it, I’m already not exactly operating at my best. This was further compounded by a 25 minute wait in the Starbucks line (there aren’t a lot of other options open at that hour), sandwiched in between two groups of high school girls who thought the height of fun at 4 a.m. was to invent a cheerleading cheer that went, “Frap! Achino! Frap frap achino!”

Finally I boarded and the flight actually left on time. However, if you recall, we’ve been having a bit of weather lately. By yesterday morning the storms had moved on past Chicago, but were just hovering over D.C. They rerouted us south and then north, before finally putting us in a holding pattern for an hour (which means I would now be missing at least part of the meeting I was flying there for). Finally they just decided we were going to land by hook or by crook.

The descent took us directly through the storm, and it was unbelievable. I’ve had anywhere from mild to severe turbulence before, but this was on another level. We had several of those weightless freefall moments followed by quick surges back up into the air, back to back to back. The plane was groaning and shuddering and everyone was gripping the armrests. The girl across the aisle from me started quietly sobbing, and the lady next to me was doing the rosary. The entire back of the plane was full of a high school, and every time the plane had one of those swooping drops, they would all scream at once. It was exactly like a roller coaster, except we weren’t on a rail and we didn’t have breaks.

It didn’t help that I just watched that Denzel Washington movie where he flies the plane upside down before crashing it. I kept waiting for the pilot to roll us (and my stomach kind of thought he did).

I wouldn’t say I have a stomach of iron, but I’ve never thrown up on a plane, boat, or even a roller coaster. I was honestly as close to throwing up as you can possibly be without actually throwing up. One more minute on the plane and I would have lost it. I heard paper bags snapping open all over the plane, and at least three times I almost went for mine. The only thing that kept me from doing it was that I knew if I put my hand into that seat-back pocket, I was implicitly giving my stomach the go ahead. If I got out the bag, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from using it. My determination to not use it *just about* cost me and the guy in front of me the clothes we were wearing.

When I got off the plane I went directly to the bathroom with the intention of throwing up. I did not throw up, but I was shaking so hard I had trouble walking. The combination of air sickness, adrenaline let down, and just waking up at 2:30 a.m. had me feeling about as roughed up as you can feel.

Fast-forward to the flight home. A second set of storms was coming through D.C. right about when we were supposed to leave. We were done with our afternoon meetings early, so we decided to head to the airport to see if we could catch a flight out before the storms arrived, stranding us.

We got to the airport at 4 and as we went by the flight list, I saw out of the corner of my eye that most of the flights had big cancel notices next to them. It seemed like our lucky day when we found a 3 p.m. flight that had been delayed until 5. Surprisingly we got seats, and rushed to the boarding area, only to find out it was delayed, and then delayed again. We did end up getting on that flight at about 7, only about an hour before my original flight was supposed to leave (still lucky though, since my original flight was delayed until at least 9 and still going).

I didn’t want to admit it in front of my coworkers, but I really don’t think I could have handled flying in another storm. I wasn’t even sure if I could handle just regular, smooth flying. It was an experience that is going to stick with me a while, and honestly my stomach was still unsettled from the morning. During take-off I had to crank the air up to combat the flop sweat. Our flight was about as smooth as could be expected, but I still couldn’t get the thought out of my head of how easily that plane was tossed around, and how fragile the whole thing really was.

All’s well that ends well, I suppose. Luckily I don’t need to fly anywhere anytime soon. Anybody been through something similar?

A Canning Tutorial, for Humans or Zombies

/ Shane / 1 Comment

This post originally appeared on the Zombie Preparedness Initiative website.

As a follow-up to my previous post, here are some more detailed instructions on water-bath canning.

First off, most of these steps are generic for any type of canning, but there may be slight variations depending on what you are canning. Always follow the specific instructions over the general guidelines below. If, in fact, the zombie apocalypse has already taken place and you are a zombie looking for directions on how to can brains, no recipes exist as far as I know, and you’re going to have to wing it.

Overall, the general idea is to sterilize the food and containers and then seal them, preventing contamination and allowing the food to be “shelf stable” without requiring refrigeration. We’re talking about bacterial contamination here; it is unlikely that a hot water bath would sufficiently destroy any lurking zombie virus pathogens.

Equipment

Propper jars, lids, and rings are necessary. Other equipment, such as a canning pot, funnel, and jar-lifter are not strictly necessary, but are cheap and easy enough to come by, that they are worth the time and effort they will save you. Rings and jars can be re-used, but lids must be new every time to ensure a good seal. Jars should be checked each time for chips or imperfections in the rim, which will prevent the jar from sealing.

Any pot will do for the canning, but it must be able to cover the jars with at least 1 inch of water. The bigger the pot, the more volume you can process at a time. Processing the jars can be the longest part, so processing more at a time can greatly reduce your overall time. Our standard canner can fit 7 quarts, and comes with a wire rack for holding and lowering the jars into the water. For items that don’t need such big jars, such as jams in half-pint jars, we just use a regular, large pot.

In the case of canning under threat of zombie attack, you will also need an assistant wielding the standard zombie fighting equipment, such as shotguns, chainsaws and kick-ass fighting music.

Steps

  1. Fill the canning pot with water and bring it to a boil. Sterilize the jars and rings in the canning pot. Heat the lids on low in a separate, smaller pot of hot water. This will help soften the plastic part of the lid, for better sealing.2013_05_19_9999 (2)
  2. Prepare the item to be canned as per the recipe (i.e. make the jam, prepare the brine for the brains, pickles, etc.). Note that some items may need to be prepared ahead of time, so it is very important to read the recipe first! In the case of brains, some of us have begun pickling ours years in advance. You’re welcome.
  3. Remove the sterilized jars from the hot water bath and place on a towel. Fill the jars with the item to be canned. The recipe will specify how much empty space to leave at the top of the jar, called “headspace”. This is important! Headspace varies depending on what is being canned. Too much headspace and the jar will not seal; too little headspace and the item may expand out of the jar, also causing the jar not to seal. If you are canning brains, “headspace” should be considered a pun, but you’ve probably lost the ability to appreciate humor.
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  4. If applicable, use a tool or any other flat object such as a butter knife or handy rib bone to release the air bubbles. The recipe will specify whether this step is necessary or not. It is not necessary with thick liquids like jam, but it is usually necessary for things that can easily trap air, like brains or pickles.
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  5. Wipe the rim of the jar with a towel. This seems trivial, but it is important! Any chips or drips will prevent the jar from sealing. If you are a zombie, try to keep your drooling and dripping away from the rim of the jar.
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  6. Get the lids out of the hot water and place them on the jars. We have a tool for this that is basically a magnet on a stick, but any kind of tongs will do to pick up the lids. Zombies may simply reach into the boiling water directly.
  7. Finger-tighten the rings over the lids. Do not tighten the rings as tight as you can. The goal is to allow air to escape when the jars are processing, without allowing water to enter the jars.
  8. Add the jars to the boiling water bath, making sure they are covered by at least 1 inch of water. If you are not a member of the undead, it is very useful to have a jar lifter for this part.
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  9. “Process” the jars by letting them sit in the hot water bath for as long as the recipe calls for. Processing time varies widely by recipe, and can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 35 minutes. Processing serves two purposes: the first is to heat everything enough to kill any bacteria, the second is to allow the contents to expand and force air out of the jar. This is mostly hands-off time, so non-zombie canners may lend a hand to defensive forces attempting to fend off undead hordes attempting to breach your canning location.
  10. Turn off the heat and let the pot sit for a few minutes with the lid off. Remove the jars from the hot water bath and place them on a towel to cool. As the contents of the jar cool, they contract, pulling the lid down firmly and making a seal. Sometimes a jar will seal as soon as it is removed from the bath, but it can take up to an hour. When a jar seals, it makes a surprisingly satisfying “snap!”
  11. In the event that your ears have decomposed, do not worry! After an hour or so, try pressing down the center of the lid. If it depresses, the jar did not seal. At that point, you can check the rim for imperfections, re-wipe the rim, and then try to re-process the jar. This often works to seal jars that didn’t seal the first time, so it is definitely worth a try. Any jars that won’t seal should be refrigerated immediately. This is not always a bad thing, because you probably want to try a jar right away anyway.
  12. Allow the jars to sit until they are fully cool. The recommendation is usually something like 12 hours, but in my experience a couple of hours is sufficient. Some items, like pickles, may need to sit for a certain length of time before they are ready. This information will be specified in the recipe. Zombies, try to remember to open the jar before eating the contents.

That’s it! Before you know it, your pantry will be stocked with long-lasting fruits and vegetables (or brains and other assorted body parts) that require virtually no upkeep, and will keep the occupants of any post-apocalypse bunker well fed and happy, human or otherwise.