Me: “What is it about swim class that makes you have to go to the bathroom?”
Evie: “Well…maybe the butterflies in my tummy just want to have a little bit more time before we have to leave.”

Evie: “How did you know what that was from?”
Me: “Because Daddy’s know things.”
Evie: “Oh yeah? What’s…one million plus one million??”

Me, singing: “Peoria! Peoria!”
Evie: “I don’t like to sing that anymore. It didn’t seem right to make fun of a street.”

Evie: “Do you know how to babysit?”
Me: “I think I can manage.”
Evie: “Well…you don’t sit on the baby.”

::Ollie building with duplos::
Ollie: That’s Gary, Indiana!”
Evie: “Where’s the smoke?”

Evie: “I think I would make a good queen from Swan Lake, because I’m very…bend-ful.”

Evie: “I’m so thirsty that my saliva is threatening my tongue, ‘If you don’t get me something to drink, I’m going to hit you!'”

Evie, seeing a building truss: “Look! It’s a slash-dot-com!” (In other words, it looked like a backslash.)

Oliver, doing the normal excited two year old talking to a stranger stutter: “One…One…One…One…”
Man: “I think he’s trying to speak to me in binary.”

Ollie: “You and Mama were coughing and coughing.”
Me: “Oh yeah? When was this?”
Ollie: “It was on April, 2nd.”

Me: “…and when we get home we can all take a nap.”
Evie: “You can’t take a nap, daddy!”
Me: “Why not?”
Evie: “There’s dishes probably.”

Evie: “I want to see how much I weigh. Four ten.”
Me: “Four hundred and ten pounds? You weigh more than me!”
Evie: “Well, I am wearing my clothes…”

Ollie: “The candy is stuck in my teeth…I need more candy to wash it down.”

Man yelling at his 4 year old in a public place: “Well, that’s because of the way humans reproduce!”

Sara: “Wait, which girl are you talking about?”
Evie: “The one that acts gay.”
Sara: “…”
Sara: “Happy?”
Evie: “Yeah.”

Sara: “That would be like me carrying 3 1/2 Evies.”
Evie: “I wouldn’t want to be the 1/2!”

Oliver, sighing: “I want to fall in love.”

Evie: “It was fun going through red lights for Grandma’s funeral. But it was sad too. I guess you can be happy and sad at the same time.”

Ollie: “Mama, where are you? Are you downstairs? Mama?”
Ollie: “Daddy, Mama’s dead.”

Ollie, sternly: “This picture is for Mommy, Daddy, so don’t take it.”
Ollie: “But you can say, ‘Wow!'”