Ollie: “The candy is stuck in my teeth…I need more candy to wash it down.”

Man yelling at his 4 year old in a public place: “Well, that’s because of the way humans reproduce!”

Sara: “Wait, which girl are you talking about?”
Evie: “The one that acts gay.”
Sara: “…”
Sara: “Happy?”
Evie: “Yeah.”

Sara: “That would be like me carrying 3 1/2 Evies.”
Evie: “I wouldn’t want to be the 1/2!”