Teenagers

We live up against the train tracks, and unfortunately it’s pretty common for kids to climb up there and cause mischief (real mischief, like throwing rocks through people’s windows). Whenever we see kids up there, we always call the police immediately, but I think there’ not  a lot they can really do.

However, it always causes quite a commotion, and all of this transfers down to the kids. They get VERY upset when they see “teenagers” up on the tracks. Oliver in particular seems particularly obsessed with teenagers, and how naughty they are. I’m not even sure if he knows exactly what a teenager is, since he seems to use the word to mean some sort of malicious gremlin.

Ollie: “Does the clock have glass over it so the teenagers don’t change what time it is?”

…which I guess isn’t so far from the truth. On the other hand, it’s possible that he’s not upset enough about these terrible teenagers. They do carry a certain mystique:

Ollie: “Teenager know how to do that.”
Me: “Do what?”
Ollie: “Take their boots off [by stepping on the back and not sitting down]. They do it after they come down from the train tracks. There’s probably a teenager doing it right now, at his home.”

Alas, I guess their cool disregard for the law (and boot removal conventions) outweighs the badness of getting up on the train tracks:

Ollie: “Where do the teenagers climb up on the tracks?”
Sara: “Right there.”
Ollie: “When I’m a teenager, I might climb up on those tracks too.”
Me: “I hope not. I hope you’re a good teenager who wouldn’t do that.”
Ollie: “Yeah. But I’ll probably be the other kind of teenager.”

Quote Monday doesn’t go for gender stereotypes

Evie: “Some people say that there are boy colors and there are girl colors. But I keep telling them they’re wrong! So for Christmas I want a black hat, a black backpack, and a Darth Vader water bottle!”

::Pinata opens up and madness ensues as kids scramble for candy::
Afterwards, Evie: “I didn’t get any erasers.”

Evie: “Everybody keeps telling me my wings are so nice. That’s because they smell like love. [Another girl]’s wings smell like plastic and chemicals.”

::Me scrolling on a web page::
Ollie: “Daddy, why are the pictures going up to heaven?”

::Evie, eating some Laffy Taffy::
Me: “Did you read the jokes first?”
Evie: “Yes. They were…not hilarious.”

Quote Monday’s got smooth moves

Ollie: “My skin is smooth. Your skin is not smooth.”
Me: “No, my skin is mostly hairy.”
Ollie, touching my head: “Not up here!”

Evie: “Who’s Bubble Fat?”
Sara: “Were some boys talking about that at school today?”
Evie: “Yes, someone’s going to be him for Halloween. And someone else is going to be Star Wars.”

Sara: “I can’t keep up! They’re texting at the speed of smartphones!”

Me: “Evie, why aren’t you dressed yet?”
Evie: “I had to go to the bathroom first.”
Me: “Yes, but you had to wait to get into the bathroom. What were you doing during that time?”
Evie: “Dancing around in my underpants.”

Quote Monday should NOT eat the blueberries

::Looking at the giraffes::
Sara: “Look at all the carrots on the ground.”
Ollie: “Look at all the blueberries on the ground!”

Ollie: “I was three and nothing, and now I’m three and a half!”

Me: “What kind of sandwich are you?”
Ollie, speaking as Floob the Monster: “I’m a chocolate-customer sandwich.”
Me: “Do you mean chocolate custard?”
Ollie: “No, chocolate customer.”

I guess that makes more sense for a monster.

::Ollie, sneezing pancake pieces all over the table::
Ollie: “Well, I guess I’m sick of breakfast.”

Ollie, pointing to my back: “What’s this letter right here?”
Me: “I don’t know, buddy, I can’t see back there.”
Ollie: “You’re going to have to break your head off.”

Quote Monday quests for knowledge

::Ollie having a bad dream::
Me: “It’s okay buddy. What’s wrong?”
Ollie: “I’m just…trying to know some things!”

Me: “What did you make today?”
Ollie: “I made two shooters. Two guns.”
Evie: “Why 2?”
Ollie: “I thought mama and daddy wanted to have some guns.”

Aw, his and hers.

Evie, pointing to Sara’s forehead: “Will I have lines up there?”
Sara: “Yes.”
Ollie: “When we’re oooooold.”