::Long silence in car::
Sara: “Ollie, what are you thinking about?”
Oliver: “Oh, how many barbershops I can name.”
Me: “Ollie, why are you climbing the couch like that?”
Ollie: “I…I got the zoomies.”
Sara: “What are you most looking forward to for school?”
Evelyn: “I’m looking forward to feeling superior to other people.”
Alex: “It’s kind of inefficient to go to bathroom and then get a drink of water.”
Boy at pool, hitting on Sara: “Hey what’s your name?”
Sara: “Sara. What’s your name?”
Boy: “Aiden. How old are you?”
Sara, wondering where this is going: “40.”
Sara: “How old are you?”
Boy: “11.”
Boy: “Do you say bad words and stuff?”
Sara, trying not to laugh: “No, not usually.”
Boy: “Do you smoke?”
Sara: “No. Do you smoke??”
Boy: “No.”
Boy: “So, where are you from?”
Sara: “Illinois.”
Boy: “Are you from Collinsville?” (St. Louis border town, pop. 25k, so the odds here were not great)
Sara: “No.”
Boy: “Where are you from then?”
Sara: “Chicago.”
Boy: “Cool.”
Nathan: “You know Ron from Harry Potter? He bought an ice cream truck and drives around the countryside giving out ice cream.”
Alex: “No spoilers!!”
When you’re raising a D&D kid:
<Alex falling off his bike>
Me: “Oh no are you okay? Did you scrape your knee?”
Alex: “No, it was more like bludgeoning damage.”
Alex: “I just got a damn good card!”
Where’d he learn that from???
Evelyn: “I’m gonna give [this card] to Alex.”
Alex: “I have a cuteness that makes people donate to me.”
<Oliver, freaking out because I came within a mile of his camera>
Shane: “Sweetheart, they can’t see me, and even if they could, they are aware you have parents.”
Ah the joys of remote school!
Oliver: “One good thing about covid is I don’t have to clean the food off my face because I’m wearing a mask!”
Ollie: “I know 7 bad words.”
Alex: “Oh I know WAY more than that!”
Alex: “I’m kinda if sad I gave you that check. I wanted to put it in the bank.”
Sara: “Oh, for college money?”
Alex: “No, that’s silly! To buy one of those things….hmmm… For when I’m a grown up? Um, what’s it called…it’s black….a coffin!”
::Alex doing a double take::
Alex: “Oh, for a second you looked like The Lord.”
Eventually we figured out “The Lord” meant “The Emperor” from Star Wars, which was perhaps less surprising (we did just watch Return of the Jedi), but…seriously dude? I’m only 41!
Evelyn: “I guess I have good posture because I’m always sticking my nose up in the air.”
::Me, doing push ups::
Evelyn: “Now, I’ve never actually heard someone giving birth, but…”
Sara: “I don’t like to do push ups around you, I like to do them in private.”
Evelyn: “Because we all toot?”
Alex: “Now I need to find my famous pants, that I wore three days in a row!”
As an aside: “That’s why they’re famous.”
Shane Halbach 