Quote Monday gets quite rude

Ollie: “When I toot when I’m talking, it sounds like I’m purring.”

Ollie: “Daddy, stop singing. I can’t hear my toots.”

Unnamed visiting child #1: “I like to eat my boogies. They taste like candy.”

Unnamed visiting child #2: “It looks like a corn popsicle!”
Me: “I was thinking that too.”
Unnamed visiting child #2: “We could call it copsicle. Or porn!”
Evie: “What’s porn?”

What I did with my summer vacation, Part 4: Montreal

Rather than sailing the bay on a serene sailboat, we suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a bustling city.

I have basically never been to Canada, or at least I’ve never been far enough into Canada to lose sight of the U.S. Sara and I have talked about taking short trips, but this is the first time we’ve ever actually followed through. And, of course, most of my interaction with Canadians has been with Torontonians, because like 99% of Canada lives around there.

So this is probably stupid to say, but I didn’t realize Montreal would be so…French. All of the signs are in French. The menus are in French. The advertisements and subway stops and bathroom graffiti is in French. Of course it was in French, I mean, I knew they were francophones, so I don’t know why I didn’t expect it.

It is, however, truly a bilingual city. Every single person speaks English. Everyone. They switch absolutely seamlessly from beautiful sounding French to the absolutely most Canadian sounding English without batting an eye. It’s kind of funny because, when I’m in another country, I feel like it is my duty to try to speak the local language. So when I see and hear all of this French, it makes me feel like I should make an effort to speak French. But English IS the local language as well, so you can just speak English without feeling guilty. It took some getting used to.

I found the trick was not to say, “Bonjour!” As I said, I thought it would be polite to go with a little French. Not so. If you open with “Hello”, you are setting the mode of communication to English. When you say “Bonjour”, you are indicating that the mode of response is French, in which case you’re asking for it, and they’ll give it to you. (Luckily, they correctly interpret the panicked expression on your face and switch to English pretty quick after that.)

We opted to rent an apartment (through airbnb again) rather than go with a hotel room. This has worked well for us in the past, and it did again. The apartment was not exactly luxurious, more like cheap student housing, but it was lovely to have a kitchen, reliable wi-fi, and after staying on the boat we felt like we were light years away from the kids sleeping in a bedroom at the opposite end of the place. The location was just alright: we were close to grocery stores and things, but not close to where we actually wanted to do things. This meant lots of walking. Each morning started with about a 1.5 mile hike. Ollie was in the stroller, and Evie managed pretty well on foot. Still, it did add a little extra exhaustion at the end of the day.

We started out with the Montreal Science Center, and the kids really enjoyed it (and free for us with our MSI membership!). It was basically like every other science museum, but there were LOTS of things for the kids to do. Also, the kids made a really clunky cute fake news report about why cell phones are good, which was fun.

Afterwards, we went to Nudo, a restaurant in Chinatown where you can watch them make the noodles fresh for your meal. The food was PHENOMENAL! We ordered waaay too much and left there stuffed, but all of it was absolutely amazing. Certainly one of the best places we ate on the trip. As we ate, the kids were also treated to nice Chinese anime that featured skillfully drawn, lovingly crafted, wrinkly old man testicles. What’s not to love?

Next up was Notre Dame of Montreal, which was simply stunning. We spent a decent amount of time here, but honestly I think I could have spent more. The beautiful blue color was very reminiscent of Sainte-Chapelle, and there are so many beautiful, intricate little details that there was a lot to see.

Notre Dame Montreal

Almost better than the church itself, was the Bubble Man, busking outside.

This is the most brilliant street performance-esque thing ever. His only materials are soap, water, some sticks and string, and he entertained a veritable horde of kids for hours. The kids had such a great time that obviously we were more than happy to toss him some money. I’m guessing that, despite all the things we did that day, this is the one that the kids remember.

Bubble Man

The next day we went to Pointe-à-Callière, which is a museum that is sort of about the history of the city of Montreal. I kind of wish we went here first, because I knew next to nothing about Montreal, and this was very helpful as a sort of backdrop to the city. It was fascinating to see world events through a similar, but different viewpoint than the typical U.S. position. In particular, I was enthralled by their almost completely opposite treatment of the First People (Native Americans, er, Native Canadians). How different to not have this huge calamity of disaster and suppression of people in your history.

Next, Sara wanted to head to the Jean-Talon Market, which is the most massive ridiculous farmers market I have ever seen. Now, as ALWAYS happens in situations like this, Sara tells me we should go do something and I think, “Farmer’s Market? That doesn’t sound fun.” And then I am TOTALLY PROVEN WRONG. Not only was it an awesome market, but they also had excellent food and we ate like kings. In particular, we had awesome crepes and some amazing tiny pork tacos. We also purchased three kilos of honey. THREE KILOS OF HONEY. (That’s more than 6 1/2 pounds for us non-metric types.

eating crepes

Our next stop was the Musee Des Beaux-Arts. The museum itself was alright, probably not as good as the Chicago Art Institute (and yes, the tiny stairs were annoying). I guess I’m a little spoiled when it comes to art museums; it’s probably not fair to compare it to Paris, or Florence, or London. And to be fair, we were in and out pretty quick, because Ollie was getting pretty squirrely by that point. But it was certainly well worth the price of admission, which is free.

To be honest, there weren’t a lot of “Montreal!” places that I wanted to visit. Think about it, can you think of any big thing to do in Montreal? What is the “true Montreal experience”? Mostly it just kind of felt like Generic City Setting #4. We found lots of lists of places to go, but I had no strong desire to do any of them. So we did what we usually do in situations like this: we resorted to eating.

We got some really good falafel from Al-Taib. 2 falafels for $5! I would eat here 3 times a day if I lived in Montreal. But for some reason, nobody liked it but me.

We got fancy cupcakes and ice cream from Les Glaceurs. I loved all of the marzipan cupcakes in the window with the camping or outdoor themes.

We ordered a ton of bagels from Fairmount Bagels. We tried the mueslix, whole wheat, and multigrain. The whole wheat was by far the best, and everybody was fighting over them. I think the other two were a little sweet, and that didn’t go over quite as well. If I had it to do over again, I would have gotten more savory bagels, but we ate these things for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so no complaining.

Finally we ate at Olive Et Gormando, and it was AMAZING. We only went for breakfast, but I think this was the best food of the trip. The pastries were to die for, but I didn’t have nearly enough “Poached egg on your face” panini, and I would have gladly traded my apple pastry for it. The kids had so much chocolate brioche that they couldn’t walk, and Evie couldn’t even stomach chocolate for a day or two.

A few more quick hits:

Evie spent some of her own money to buy a little plastic bug holder. It was CLEARLY the best souvenir money could buy, and there will be a separate blog post on it at some point.

Sara and I drank a lot of Tim Hortons coffee in Canada, and it kind of spoiled us I think. Tim Hortons is basically Canadian Dunkin Donuts (I know I’ll never get any Canadian readers with THAT sort of talk), and they are everywhere. It seems a little commercial for my tastes, but damn if that coffee wasn’t addictive! The first time I got McDonalds coffee when we got back in the U.S., I wanted to spit it out.

Evie really, really wanted to find some Canadian money, so she scoured the ground with her usual dedication. At home she finds money probably every single day, but in Montreal she never found a single cent. Not a penny! Every day we walked around the city and she kept her eyes glued to the ground. Nothing. And then we eventually found out that Canada doesn’t have pennies anymore! They don’t use them! (And believe it or not, it actually works just fine.) They also have $1 and $2 coins, so I guess people just need to be more careful with their change over there. Either that, or the multitude of homeless people we saw are just faster than a 6 year old.

Actually, funny story about the pennies. On the very last day, when we were on our way out of the country, we decided to use up the last of our Canadian money on gas. We had $22.95 left, so Sara said, “Aim for maybe $22.85, and we’ll have a few cents left over for the kids to keep.” So what do I do? $22.97. What could I do?? I did not have enough Canadian money to cover it! Would they lock me in Canadian debtors prison? (Actually, I bet Canadian debtors prison would be extremely pleasant).

I grabbed a handful of American pennies and brought them inside. “I’m really, really sorry,” I said. “It’s all I have. I’ll pay you extra to make up for it!” “No worries,” said the guy behind the counter, giving me a strange look. “It’s only 2 cents over. We round down.”

TAKE THAT CANADA! I beat your system and scammed you out of $0.02 of gas! USA! USA!

Overall my impression of Montreal is sort of mixed. It had the gritty feel of a big city, but it didn’t feel like there were that many people, especially kids. Where are all the kids hiding? Everyone was *extremely* nice – despite the French, they are still Canadian. The metro was really easy to use. The food was fantastic.

I guess I would say the interesting part was really the French. It made it seem like we were a lot farther from home than we really were. So in the end, Montreal is like a cheaper, easier trip to Europe.

If nothing else, I saw the greatest license plate of all time:

Curling License Plate

And that is what I did with my summer vacation, by Shane Halbach.

What I did with my summer vacation, Part 3: Sailing Penobscot Bay

The third part of the trip was the part we had been looking forward to for a long time: we would be staying on a sailboat for a few nights.

O'Happy Day

This was the best part of the trip, by far, and everybody had such a blast. I had been waiting for this part of the trip for so long, and it absolutely lived up to the hype and was everything I hoped it would be.

However, I did have a moment of panic when we were on the whale tour. When the sea was at its worst and I thought I was going to have to vomit over the side, I thought, “I cannot handle this for three days. We’ll just have to give up the money we paid and find a hotel room, because I am not putting myself through this, to say nothing of poor Oliver!” Luckily, the sailboat was NOT like that at all. I don’t believe we ever felt seasick at all. In fact, I expected to be rocked to sleep at night, but when we were moored in the harbor you couldn’t really feel any movement at all.

So, part of the reason we found ourselves on a sailboat, in fact, the real reason we found ourselves in Maine at all, was because of a strange little book called Time of Wonder, by Robert McCloskey.

I don’t know how to describe this book. It’s very strange, especially for a children’s book. It’s sort of a “slice of life in Maine” kind of book, very slow paced, somewhat lyrically written. And if that weren’t enough, the entire book is written in second person.

The first time we read it, I didn’t know what to think, but Evie was fairly fascinated. She kept checking it out from the library, over and over again. She just seemed to love it, though we didn’t know why. We tried recommending it to other people, but none of their kids seemed to like it like Evie did. Eventually this led to One Morning in Maine and Blueberries for Sal, but Time of Wonder was really the beloved one (eventually we got our own copy).

We read this book so many times, that we started memorizing a lot of the places mentioned: Bucks Harbor, Islesboro, Hog Island, Pond Island, Spectacle Island, Pumpkin Island, Two Bush Ledge, and Eggemoggin Reach. It really never occurred to us that these were real places, until one day we looked on a map, and low and behold, there they all were! Just like in the book. And at that point we thought, “We could go there.”

This was sort of the genesis of the Maine trip, but we still never thought of chartering a sailboat. But when Sara ran across the listing on airbnb, we knew we had to do it. We contacted them and explained to them about the book, and they were totally on board (no pun intended)! They didn’t think it was silly, and they planned a trip around Penobscot Bay that took us by almost all of the places mentioned in the book.

And the most amazing part? One day we happened to see a beautiful, three-masted schooner. Imagine our surprise when we saw it was Victory Chimes, one of the boats mentioned in the book! It turns out the islands weren’t the only things mentioned in the book that were real. Keep in mind, Time of Wonder was written in 1957; not only was the boat still sailing, but in the entire bay, we happened to see it.

Driving boat

You guys, seriously, this boat was so awesome. The kids loved to drive the boat. When you’re under sail (as opposed to the “iron sail”, a.k.a. the engine), it is so quiet and peaceful. The wind is blowing and you’re gently rocking –it’s very difficult not to fall asleep (at least, Ollie never managed to avoid it). On the other hand, there’s always something to see: beautiful boats, seals, porpoises (even a few bald eagles!) , and everywhere, everywhere, lobster buoys.

Of course when you think of Maine, you think of lobsters. But man, I had no idea of the scope of that. Each fisherman uses their own unique colors on the buoys that mark the locations of their traps. Everywhere you look, it’s buoys of every color of the rainbow, from one horizon to the other.

In addition to the sailing, you have all the little stops on various islands and harbors. Some of the islands only really emerge at low tide, and we did do some more tidepooling. The harbors were fun to explore too; I loved how they were all situated towards the docks, rather than toward land. You would just tie up to the docks, walk up the ramp, use the public restrooms, and then go exploring (i.e. looking for ice cream). There were lots of little shops and restaurants, but also just a lot of small town life. And every once in awhile, some old timer rocking on a porch would give you a little bit of that Maine accent, and it was like walking through a storybook.

seal

Of course, the whole thing could have easily gone the other way. It was really Cap’n Scotty and First Mate Kadee that made the trip. They were both absolutely lovely, especially with the kids. The thing is, when you’re on a boat for a few days with someone, you kind of have to get along with them. The space is pretty intimate; you spend most of your time in a little area about 6′ x 5′. So you get to know people a lot quicker than you would in another setting. So even though we only spent 3 days with them, I really did feel like we became friends.

So much so, in fact, that I felt bad to have them waiting on us hand and foot. It really just felt like we were out for a sail with our friends, so when they would start making food for us and stuff, I felt like I should be pitching in, even though we had essentially paid for it. And the food was actually great. I would say better than I expected, but I’m not sure what I expected exactly. However, it was amazing how much food was stored in that tiny little kitchen! They just kept pulling stuff out of all over the place, and before you knew it, we had a great meal. Evie managed to eat her weight in Annie’s cheddar bunnies every day. We even kept the Sunday pancake tradition alive!

I think it was a little confusing to them that we didn’t really have much interest in learning how to sail. I think most of the people who charter the boat do it because they want to learn how to sail. We were more interested in being on a boat. I mean, maybe we would have had more interest if we weren’t trying to keep two kids happy and not falling in the water, but as it was, we were content to let them do the sailing.

Scotty and Kadee really loved the kids. Some people tolerate kids, and some people pretend to like kids, and some people aren’t pretending. As a parent you can recognize the difference. Also, sometimes adults don’t exactly know how to extract themselves from kids, and the kids therefore demand more and more from them. So I try to be careful to make sure the kids aren’t “trapping” someone who didn’t intend to be sort of consumed by the kids. But in this case, Scotty and Kadee never seemed to run out of patience for the kids, or get tired of them. Kadee made up stories with Evie for at least 2 hours (Evie *never* gets tired of that), and Scotty and Ollie bonded over bedtimes (up to and including Scotty falling asleep with Oliver one night).

bedtime story

There were a couple of particularly noteworthy occurrences.

As I mentioned, Ollie took a nice long nap every afternoon. When you’re sailing, the boat “keels over” (basically leans far to one side), so when he was sleeping below deck on the *very first day* he suddenly went rolling end over end and conked his head hard, right on the floor. He was basically fine, and went right back to sleep. His poor head is basically a battering ram, blasting into things at a fairly regular basis, nevertheless I did feel like a distinctly poor parent.

I know for sure one of Scotty and Kadee’s favorite parts was the sing along lead by Evie. This is a somewhat regular occurrence for us, but strangers are probably not quite as used to it (I guess Evie takes a lot of people by surprise). She knows a LOT of songs, and she lead us in song for a minimum of 30 minutes. Kadee in particular knew a lot of show tunes (including Music Man and Annie, so you know Evie was good to go), and we all sang into the wind at the top of our lungs.

Another fun part was the dingy. When the boat is moored out at a mooring ball, you need a smaller craft to ferry you into the dock. The dingy was essentially an inflatable raft with an outboard motor attached. Compared to the boat it feels crazily unsafe (I kept waiting for one of the kids to fall over the side), but it’s small, fast, and maneuverable. The kids loved it.

Cap’n Scotty kept trying to convince us to take it on our own without him, but I was skeptical. What if I couldn’t get the motor started? More importantly, what if I tied it up at the dock and all the other sailors gathered around to make fun of my knot? Those guys are into knots like you read about, and my Boy Scout days are long behind me. Come to think of it, I couldn’t tie knots even back then.

So I hemmed and hawed until I was absolutely sure I had it all down pat, and even then I waited until we were at some deserted island. The kids were even more unsure than I was. I thought Evie was going to decide not to go with me. But we made it over without incident, and my cleat hitch was so beautiful I took a picture. When we got ready to come back, I got the motor started without incident. Of course, I shouldn’t have worried so much about remembering everything, since I had Evie with me. I gave it a little gas and she said, “Daddy, you’ve got to put the motor in gear first.” I guess I wasn’t the only one paying attention to how it all worked.

For me, the thing I’ll always remember was just sitting on deck with a cozy blanket, watching the ocean. They had about 5 of the coziest blankets you could ever imagine. It was so nice and peaceful, and I think for the first time since I had kids I actually recharged my patience a little bit. When we left I was firmly resolved to maintain my zen state and be a better parent, and I even held on to that for at least a day, maybe even two.

boat by night

Although it was very relaxing, I have to admit that parenting on a boat is a very difficult task. It’s both relaxing and stressful at the same time. I think in general, we’re pretty restrictive parents, which has its pluses and minuses. I know I need to lighten up on the kids, but its easier said than done, especially when they’re walking around on a tiny boat in the middle of the UNFATHOMABLE DEPTHS OF THE OCEAN. I hope we weren’t too restrictive.

In order to keep the peace, we tried to lighten up and give the kids a little head to run with, and Evie in particular took that bit in her mouth and ran with it (wait, change all those horse metaphors to boat ones). When she realized we weren’t going to check her power, she took full advantage, taking charge of all decisions on the boat. Scotty and Kadee were looking for “pirate names” for the kids, and I suggested “Admiral Evie” as an appropriate one – it just seemed to fit somehow.

We managed to keep it to only one drop-down, drag-out screaming fit. Oliver just had a complete meltdown as we entered Camden Harbor, screaming and raging at the top of his lungs the way only a 3 year old can manage. Scotty was doing a bit of tricky navigating through all the boats, and I had to basically physically restrain Ollie below the decks for fifteen minutes or so. It got pretty ugly, and I was both extremely embarrassed about his behavior, and sad that he was so angry and that he was missing all the neat boats. Still, only one in that span of time while being confined to such close quarters was probably not so bad.

Before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye.

Like I said, it felt like we got to know them pretty well in such a short time, and after spending literally every waking minute with them, it did feel sort of odd to be walking away from them. Evie was particularly broken hearted, and had a pretty good cry as we walked up the dock.

saying goodbye

Ultimately, the kids did earn some pirate nicknames – Cheddar Annie for Evie (due to her dual loves of Annie show-tunes and Annie’s brand cheddar bunnies) and Zig Zag for Oliver (due to his…unorthodox boat-driving style).

And thus concludes the best part of our trip. Although it was time to leave Maine, we weren’t quite done with our trip yet…

First day of school

Yesterday, our big boy had his first day of school.

first day of school (13)

It’s so funny how each kid is a little different. With Evie, she didn’t want us hanging around, she wanted us to get out of the way so she could start meeting people. With Ollie I’m definitely experiencing a little bit of the “how am I going to leave this poor, little boy on his own?” On the other hand, I never really had one of those, “Oh my little boy is growing up!” moments. Maybe that’s because the whole thing was just too chaotic, with so many people starting today and figuring out a new school, etc. Or maybe that’s just being the second kid again.

I do know that Ollie is going to have a BLAST at school. I’m so excited for him to have so much dedicated playing time. This boy *loves* to play. I’m so glad he’ll finally have a chance to make some friends of his own (as opposed to Evie’s friends), explore his own interests (as opposed to Evie’s interests), and just to be his own person. I just know he’s going to grow and blossom so much this year, and that’s really exciting.

first day of school (28)

At this point, the whole thing was kind of old hat to Evie. Yeah, yeah, kindergarten, so what.

first day of school (7)

She might have acted blasé, but I could tell she was excited based on all the extra energy she had. She’s always excited to meet new people, but I think she was actually more excited about Oliver starting school. She was a little disappointed that she had to go to her own class this morning, rather than watch him. But she did meet some other kids, and her and another girl “robbed a bank”. So, you know, I guess the teachers know who to keep an eye on now.

I’m not sure how different kindergarten is going to be from preschool. But her classroom definitely seems more like a “real” classroom, with a lot more responsibilities for the kids, and her teacher seems a little more old school. It seems like a really good environment for Evie, but then again, school just seems like a really good environment for Evie. She’ll just absorb up everything they throw at her, and then re-forge the entire school the way she wants it, like she always does.

Quote Monday goes extinct in the blink of an eye

Ollie: “…and there was a dinosaur that was stinky.”
Me: “Stinky?”
Ollie: “Yes, a stinky dinosaur.”
Me: “Extinct?”
Ollie: “An ex-stinky dinosaur.”

Evie: “Ollie, I need those scissors, just for a second. I’ll give them back in a blink of an eye.”
::Ollie gives her the scissors and she starts cutting::
Evie: “Okay, I’ll tell you when to blink your eye.”

Me: “Would you love me more if I magically turned into Aaron Rodgers?”
Sara: “No.”
Me: “You’re the only one.”