Missing: One Snowman

Anybody seen this guy running around?

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A couple of years ago, my mom gave us a “snowman kit” for Christmas. She combined a homemade scarf with a hat, a corncob pipe, a button nose, and two pieces of coal for eyes. She decorated the box with a picture of me at about age 4 in front of our house with a snowman we had built, as well as lines from Frosty the Snowman.

Not only was that a creative, awesome present, but it was *very* convenient! Whenever we wanted to build a snowman, we just had to grab the box. Everything was there. (Except the eyes, because I would never let my kids touch the ziplock bag containing the dirty, dirty coal.)

As you may have noticed, we’ve gotten a lot of snow recently, and the first thing the kids wanted to do was build a snowman. So we did, and it was tremendous fun. Unfortunately, this will be the last snowman with the “snowman kit”, because somebody stole it.

That’s right, some @$$#ole teenager stomped down my kids’ snowman and stole my mom’s homemade scarf.

For what? I’m guessing they’re not using it to build themselves a snowman. How soulless do you have to be to see that beautiful snowman and just destroy it? It’s clearly built by kids, and clearly built with a lot of love, and you just had to ruin it.

I could go on about the @$$#ole drivers recklessly cutting people off in 2 feet of snow so they can drop their kids off at the elementary school 5 seconds faster, but what’s the point? Chicago, I am very disappointed in you today.

I told the kids that the snowman must have come to life and walked away. “Well, he left pieces of himself and his arms behind,” said Sara. “Momma thinks teenagers did it!” said Evie. A slur if there ever was one in this house. “Maybe a homeless person needed the scarf and hat because he didn’t have one and he was really, really cold,” I said.” “Yeah,” said Sara. “Maybe.”

Can’t we have anything nice in this world?

Twitter Poetry

So, I did one of those things where it grabs random tweets from your stream and makes them into poetry? And I have to say…strangely poetic!

To hide
by Shane Halbach

Terrifying thing I’ve ever seen
Weird, how do you know my parents?
Queen
Same accounts!

Me 23 consecutive form rejects.
Leave a lot of wiggle room…
There could be side effects
“I have to go to the bathroom”?

Welcome to Night Vale
OwOwOhAhOhOwOw THUNDER!
Another story sale

Does everybody hate me? MADNESS
The $25 car repair
But it’s just different I guess.

Not too bad, actually (possibly with the exception of the attempt to type out the lyrics of Thunderstruck). Just, you know, watch out for those side effects.

MADNESS!

Give it a whirl and post the good ones in the comments!

There’s Been a Blizzard

So we’ve been experiencing a bit of snowfall here in Chicago…

ollie_k2

Pillow Juggling: The Next Generation

Of course you all remember the amazing sport of pillow juggling, and are probably hearing about it left and right. Certainly, its popularity is taking off.

It turns out that the documentary on the subject is now inspiring a whole new generation of pillow jugglers. Kids these days and their crazy hobbies…

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One contender attempts a challenging maneuver

2015_01_17_0776A difficult move is performed, while a competitor attempts to gain insight by spying on a practice session

That’s right, folks, buy your tickets now, before they sell out. I can assure you, these kids have been raised since birth to reach the pinnacle of pillow-juggling athleticism, and they continue to push the boundaries of the sport.

Let’s go to the floor routine:

Flash Fiction Online 2014 Anthology

Hey, would you look at that.

All of the stories published in Flash Fiction Online last year have been collected into one convenient anthology, including my story Copy Machine.

The anthology has a gorgeous cover, and look at that! My name is right there on the cover. First time I’ve made the cover of anything. Is my name becoming a draw? 🙂

The anthology is available in Kindle, Nook, and PDF format.