Yesterday when I was walking home from work, I noticed a guy walking quickly toward me from the opposite direction. He seemed to be looking at me and slightly angling toward me, things that I now associate with getting mugged.

“Oh my god, that guy is going to mug me,” I thought, trying to remain calm looking on the outside while in actuality planning 15 escape routes in my mind.

Just as he was passing me (and about a millisecond before I leapt into traffic to avoid him), he kind of…aggressively farted at me.

Not really on me, per say, because he didn’t turn to angle it toward me, it was more of a farting next to me I guess? But there’s no way it was a coincidence because he clearly angled to be closer to me. He could have done it at any time before or after me, but instead he did it right next to me (and there were multiples!)

So, uh…

I don’t know, in that moment I was mostly so relieved that I wasn’t getting mugged that to be honest I was almost happy about the whole thing.