Poor little naive Shane

We were sitting in the bathroom at the new house, and I noticed something in the heating vent.

“What do you think that is?” I asked Evelyn. “Is it a letter?”
“I think it is a book,” said Evelyn.
“A book?” I said, getting all excited. “Maybe this is where they hid the secret tome with the forbidden knowledge! It could have been hidden here for decades! Let’s get it out!”

We ran immediately to the toolbox and got a screwdriver. It only took a few seconds to get the grate off.

Now, obviously I didn’t REALLY think it was a forgotten spell book, but I was at least hoping for an old newspaper or something. We found some old newspapers in my house growing up one time and it was a lot of fun to read the old stories and look at the old ads.

With Evelyn excitedly peering over my shoulder I removed…an extremely explicit adult magazine.

Why, oh why, did it never occur to me that the kind of “book” you’d find hidden away in the bathroom would indeed be forbidden knowledge?? I felt so hopelessly naive. It never in a million years would have crossed my mind for even a second, but it seemed so obvious in retrospect. I guess it says a lot about me that I was totally convinced it would be some secret mystery text, possibly leading to an adventure, rather than something so obvious.

Luckily it was kind of rolled up and I whisked it away before Evelyn could see what was going on, but of course she wanted to know what was going on. After all the hype, why did I run away with it so fast?

“Evelyn and I just found a dirty magazine in the bathroom,” I hissed to Sara. “What do I tell her?”
“Tell her it was a gun magazine,” said Sara.

“It wasn’t for kids,” I said. “It was, uh, a gun magazine.”
“Oh,” said Evelyn. She still looked like she didn’t believe me, but to my great relief she didn’t push it any farther.

According to the cover, that magazine had been in the bathroom for about 26 years. I guess you really don’t know what you’re going to find hidden in your house! Just got to remember to be a little more circumspect (and worldly!) next time.

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