I’m sitting at the computer, casually browsing facebook, when I hear the cat getting ready to hork. I look over and she’s hunched over the rug, not more than a foot from the hardwood floor.

Now, in case you don’t have a cat, cleaning up cat vomit (something you, unfortunately, do a lot of) is about 7.432 billion times easier on hardwood than rug. Not having to clean up cat vomit would be the best, but second best would be cat vomit on the hardwood.

I leapt into action grabbing the cat and desperately flinging her vomit-side out.

Too late.

I got her mid-spew, resulting in a 3 foot cat-vomit arc across the living room. So it turns out there is something worse than cat puke on the rug: cat puke on a wide arc of the rug, followed by cat puke on a wide arc of the hardwood.

On the other hand, my life’s not so rough: nobody has ever squeezed me mid-puke and spun me around like some kind of crazy-merry-go-round-vomit-squirt-gun-bagpipe.

So, there’s that.