Month: May 2014

Mauricio

/ Shane / Leave a comment

I got a call from an unknown number the other day. Since I was trying to navigate my way out of a parking garage at the moment, I let it go to voicemail. When I had a chance to listen, I had a voicemail all in Spanish. I couldn’t make heads or tails of most of it; the only words I understood were, “Mauriiiiiicio!” and “byyyye!” at the end.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with getting a wrong number. However, it seems to me that my voicemail message should have made it pretty clear that I was not, in fact, Mauricio. It’s pretty definitely in English. Anyway, I scratched my head a little bit and deleted the message.

A few days later, I received another call. I recognized the area code (I don’t get a lot of calls from California), so I dumped it to voicemail thinking, “Okay, when he hears my voicemail again he’ll have to realize I’m not Mauricio.” No such luck. He didn’t leave a message, but instead immediately called back.

I was just staring down at my phone. “You have to answer it, or he’ll just keep calling,” said Sara. “Hello?” I said. “Mauricioooo,” said a voice that will haunt my dreams. “Mauriiiiiciooooo!” “Uh..I think you have the wrong number,” I brilliantly replied.

The next day he called again. “Mauricio?” This time I was more prepared (and a bit more annoyed). “You have the wrong number. There is no Mauricio at this number.” The man was quiet for a bit. “No Mauricio?” he asked. “Nope!” I crowed. He chuckled. “Then this is the 4th time I’ve tried this number!”

Yeah, no kidding.

Before he got off the phone I made him give me the number he was trying to call. Sure enough, his area code was off by one number. Now let me ask you; after you’ve not gotten through to old Mauricio the first 3 times, why not just double check the number? You know, see if maybe you typed it in wrong.

It certainly seems more plausible than Mauricio having someone else record his voicemail message in English.

Quote Monday deserves it

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Ollie: “If you drop an orange on the ground, and then someone pukes on it, you can still eat it because it has a skin.”

Ollie: “My toots are saying, “Sunriiise, sunset! Sunriiise, sunset!”

Ollie: “[My friend] is Black Batman and I’m White Batman. So he goes in the dark and I eat snow.”
Me: “So his special power is going in the dark and your special power is eating snow?”
Ollie: “No, after I eat snow I go in the dark and then he eats snow. And we’re both black, because bats are black.”
Me: “Wait, so what’s the difference between Black Batman and White Batman?”
Ollie: “Well, if you say Black Batman he comes, if you say White Batman, I come.”

Sara: “Just leave them. This is how he gets stronger.”
Me: “This is how he punches his sister out.”
Sara: “This is how she deserves it.”

Roasted Veggies and Pasta with Homemade Pesto

/ Shane / Leave a comment

The first Friday of the month is reserved for recipes. You can see additional First Friday Food posts here.

The Reason:

Homemade pesto is one of the greatest things our society has ever invented. It’s one of the best things about gardening: lots of excess basil means lots of pesto sitting in the freezer, waiting to be eaten.

As for the rest of it, well, it’s fast and easy, which is something you can never have too much of, especially with two small kids and a busy schedule.

Which is good, because this pasta is something I can never have too much of.

The Journey:

You can essentially roast any kind of veggies, but we pretty much always fall back on the same ones. So go with what you have, but this is a combination I can vouch for.

colorful vegetables
Assuming you’ve made the pesto ahead of time, then all  you’ve got to do is coarsely chop the veggies, roast them, make pasta, and then mix it all together. What could be easier than that?

If you’re feeling particularly plucky, or carnivorous, you can toss in some sausage as well, which makes this even BETTER.

roasted veggies

The Verdict:

Not only is this absolutely delicious, but it’s just so colorful! Makes me feel good just looking at it. Plus you’re getting a lot of veggies, and it looks a lot fancier than it feels, since it’s so simple to make. The veggies are actually pretty sweet, and they go so well with the pesto. The sausage brings in a little saltiness and makes it last a bit longer in your stomach.

This is in heavy rotation at our house.

pasta and sausage

The Recipe:

Pesto:

Recipe modified slightly from the yummy life.

  • 4 cloves garlic
  • 4 cups fresh basil leaves
  • 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
  • 2/3 cup toasted walnuts
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 2/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil plus enough to pour on top of the jars to prevent discoloration
  1. In a food processor, finely chop the garlic.
  2. Add basil leaves and chop until fine.
  3. Add cheese, walnuts, salt, and pepper; pulse until the consistency of a coarse paste.
  4. With the food processor running, slowly pour olive oil through the feed tube and continue mixing until the oil is completely combined with paste.
  5. Store in airtight container in refrigerator for up to one week. Pesto freezes well. Freeze in ice cube trays, and then store frozen pesto cubes in plastic freezer bags in freezer for up to 6 months. Pesto may also be frozen in small jars or plastic containers for up to 9-12 months.

Pasta:

  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Salt
  • 1 package pasta
  • A handful of sun dried tomatoes (get the dry ones if you can, rather than the ones packed in oil)
  • ~ 1/2 lb of sausage (optional)

Any roasted veggies will do, but this is what we use:

  • 1-2 zucchini
  • 1 summer squash
  • 1 red pepper
  • 1 large red onion
  1. Preheat the oven to 400
  2. Chop the veggies and spread them on a cookie sheet. Toss them with oil and a little salt
  3. Bake the veggies for 30-40 minutes, until they are a little blackened
  4. Make pasta as per directions on the package
  5. Toss the pasta with the pesto, veggies, sausage, and sun dried tomatoes

I have an appearance!

/ Shane / 1 Comment

I’ll be doing my authorly duty and doing a reading in Madison at 10 a.m. on Sunday, May 25th.

The reading will be part of WisCon, which I will be attending for the first time. However, the reading itself will be at Michelangelo’s coffee house, free for anybody to attend.

We’ll have an eclectic mix of stories, from Science Fiction to Fantasy, from shorts to novel excerpts, so if you happen to live close to Madison and you don’t have much going on at 10 am on the Sunday before Memorial Day, come be entertained by me and 4 other talented writers!

Hmm, too bad I don’t know anybody who fits THAT bill…

Well, I do work in a laboratory…

/ Shane / Leave a comment

I just went to get my lunch out of the fridge and found a second, identical container next to it. It’s not like we’re talking about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich here; it’s some pretty specific leftovers.

So either I brought it in earlier in the week and forgot to eat it, someone else has the exact same pomegranate seed/cauliflower/celery salad, or my lunch is now cloning itself.

Clearly, the 3rd option seems the most likely.