Sara was teaching Evie how to tie shoes. “If you practice, you can probably learn how to tie shoes in a week or so.” It took Evie all of two days to master it. After demonstrating her mastery by tying every set of shoelaces in the entire house, we gave her the okay to get some tie shoes. She needed a new pair anyway.

The first pair of shoes we ordered arrived with Velcro, rather than ties. It turns out they didn’t offer tie shoes in Evie’s size. The second pair were ties, but Evie didn’t like them. She had a lot of trouble tying them (it turns out her laces were shorter than the adult shoes she had learned on), and they had a “bump” in them (otherwise known as “arch support”). It was clear she didn’t like them, and I didn’t feel like forcing her every morning, so we returned them as well.

Finally, there was nothing for it but to take her to the shoe store and let her pick them out herself.

To the shoe store’s credit, they gave Evie the full star treatment, giving her popcorn to munch on as they shuttled back and forth with different shoes, putting them on her feet for approval. (Seriously, when’s the last time you went to a place that actually tried the shoes on your feet for you?) As each pair was carried out, it was summarily rejected.

“No, this one has a bump,” she declared imperiously, waving it way. “This one has two bumps.” “I had another princess and the pea last week,” the saleslady confided to Sara.

Finally, she settled on a pair, and they are the absolute last pair in the world I would have imagined she would pick. They look…orthopedic. Let’s just say, she’s not the first “Evelyn” to own shoes like this.

They’re not bad shoes I suppose, but then again you’ve never tried to pick out clothes for this girl. EVERYTHING has to be “beautiful”; multi-colored and covered in flowers and fake jewels. Anything that is one solid color is absolutely out, especially if that color is something as hideous as brown, black, white, or gray. In other words, this is a girl that has the same sense of style as Mimi from Drew Carey.

So what’s the deal with those shoes? I don’t know, but she loves them, and I guess that’s the only thing that matters. I will never figure that girl out.