- “Due to unusually high call volumes, we are unable to answer your call…” ALWAYS. I think someone in the automated phone message industry needs to look up the definition for the word “unusual”. If you have the same amount of call traffic every single day, day in and day out, then it is not, by definition, unusual. It is quite definitely usual.
- We had a rare trip to the Olive Garden, and the take home package for our leftovers said, “Microwave and Dishwasher safe”. Okay, microwave I can understand, because somebody (who hates their body and loves the taste of BPA) is probably going to try to warm up their leftovers in that container. But dishwasher safe? Are there any godforsaken souls on this planet who are rich enough to go to Olive Garden, but poor enough to need to keep the little plastic to-go container as their permanent dishes?
- When you’re going on a trip and everybody says, “Oh, do you want to borrow my dvd player for in the car?” My friends, lest we forget, we didn’t have DVD players in our cars when we were kids and we somehow survived! It is physically possible to go without tv for five minutes, and it is physically possible for your kids to entertain themselves. Or not. If it comes down to it, they can be bored out of their skull just like I had to be when I was a kid riding in the car. My kids don’t watch tv at home where it actually makes sense to do so, they’re definitely not watching it in the car!
- Procrastinators. When you put things off to the last minute, then you *have* to do them then, under a lot of stress. If you do them sooner, you can schedule them better (i.e. when it’s not the worst possible time) and be much less stressed. And then you don’t have to worry about something unexpected cropping up (and it always crops up). It’s not even a question of laziness, because even a lazy person knows it is easier to do things at 2 p.m. on a lazy Sunday than at 2 a.m. when you’re under the gun. After the 50 millionth time this happens, how does one not learn their lesson? I learned this when I was like 8. “But I work better under a deadline,” they say. “I need that stress to get things done!” Phooey. Stop spending so much time rationalizing your bad habits and get your stuff done.
- Antibiotic tissues. For what? (Other than the obvious: to create drug-resistant super bacteria.) Seriously, doesn’t everybody know by now that we’re creating super bacteria with this constant onslaught of anti-bacterial stuff? And in this case, for what? To protect people who are rifling through my dirty tissues in the trash? Yuck. Those people deserve to get sick.