5 things I used to eat that I wish I still ate

In honor of the things that I used to eat that now disgust me, I thought it would be appropriate to list some of the things that I used to eat that I don’t anymore, but I still wish that I did. There are reasons I don’t eat these things anymore (as will soon become apparent…they are far too dangerous), but I’m not necessarily morally opposed to them the way I am the things on the other list. Still, when I was thinking of things to put on this list, it was surprising how some of the things I thought of really could have gone on the other list (such as honorable mentions Poptarts and Lofthouse Cookies…both so delicious, and yet both so artificial). Anyway, on with the list.

5) Chocolate covered almonds from Trader Joes

Oh man, you want to talk about addicting? I just could not stop eating these things. Unfortunately, they come in a giant container, so you almost have no choice but to keep eating them until you puke in a pillow case (or so I’m told). They’re deceptively simple: almonds covered in chocolate. How good could they be? A little too good, if you know what I mean.

4) A bag of sour cream and onion chips

I am a salty snacker. If you put a bag of chips in front of me, it’s going to be gone, end of story. When I lived by myself, it was not at all strange for me to eat an entire bag of chips in a sitting, and call that a meal. At first I was always begging Sara, who is not a salty snacker, to buy chips at the store. I just didn’t see how you could go into a store and not come out with a bag or three. Looking back on it, I guess I was a little crazed, but I think I’m more or less recovered now, other than the occasional setback with a bag of tortilla chips. But even then, I’m not eating the *whole* *bag* anymore.

3) Pappy’s grilled cheese sandwiches

Pappy’s Sweet Shop is a fixture in the basement of the Student Union at Purdue. Several times a week, I would order the grilled cheese basket, plus an extra grilled cheese. Oh, how I miss those days. I think the thing that puts Pappy’s grilled cheeses over the top, was an amazing invention that I have not seen elsewhere: the butter wheel. Basically, there is a tub of butter with a wheel half-submerged in it. Before throwing the sandwich on the grill, they would slap the bread against the wheel and turn it. This instantly and efficiently coated one side of the bread with butter for grilling, without taking unneeded time and bread-rippage of actually using butter and a knife. I smell a Nobel Prize caliber invention here, people.

2) The Pepperjack Bacon Stack from Champps

Champps is a great place to watch football, and if you’re watching football you want the biggest, most ridiculous, over the top meal there is to gorge on. The Pepperjack Bacon Stack is that meal. It’s the kind of thing that, when they bring it out, people are looking over from other tables to see what’s going on. And don’t forget the waffle fries with extra pepperjack dipping sauce! You can also add a Mile High Ice Cream Pie while you’re at it, which would kill you. It would kill you because to eat anything after eating a Pepperjack Bacon Stack would be ridiculous to begin with, but it would also kill you because it would fall on you. If I remember correctly, it is literally a mile high.

1) Maggiano’s family style

Ah, here it is, the granddaddy of them all. The legendary family style dinner from Maggiano’s. There was a time when I went to Maggiano’s so often, that I had the menu memorized. I had tried every item on the family style menu, and I didn’t mess around ordering the lemon cookies, or anything like that. I came to get it done. I would plan my trip days in advance, including what to eat to expand my stomach in preparation, what to not eat the night before, what to wear, etc. We even famously used to tell them up front, “Just bring the salads out in a to go box.” Those were the days, my friends, those were the days.


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