The Dangers of Losing Weight, or, How I Lost My Wedding Ring

So, as you are probably already aware if you had any contact with me in the past week (virtual or otherwise) that I lost my wedding ring.

The funny thing about your wedding ring, is that you never really notice it. And yet, you always *constantly* notice it. I wasn’t really aware of this until I lost my ring, but I unconsciously touch it or rub it a million times a day, like a touch-stone. Now that it’s gone, when I unconsciously touch my finger I have a millisecond of panic, where my mind just registers, “Something is wrong!” before I have time to think, “Oh yeah, my ring is gone.”

So it is hard to say where exactly I lost my ring. I know for sure that I had it the night before. Normally I probably wouldn’t have known that, but I was working in the garden pulling out tomato plants, and my ring flew off. I noticed right away, and I picked it up and thought, “Huh, that’s weird.” The next time I noticed my ring (or should I said didn’t notice my ring) was at work the next day.

Of course, since the last time I had it, I was in the garden, at home, at daycare, at school, and at work (and of course I’ve checked all of those places as thoroughly as I possibly can). It seems to me that it was most likely lost at work, since that is where I noticed I was missing it. Even though I don’t generally notice my ring, I have a feeling that I would have noticed it pretty quickly after I lost it. However, I wanted no stone left unturned, up to and including jumping in the dumpster at home and re-opening a poopy diaper I had changed. Those would have been totally worth it if I had found the ring, but I didn’t, so they really sucked.

As for how I lost it, I’m not really sure. You take your ring off for one second, and some hobbit is trying to throw it into Mount Doom. Just kidding, I never, ever take my ring off. (But I still don’t trust hobbits. Tricksy they are, tricksy.) It has always been a tiny bit on the big side, but if it has ever fallen off before, I noticed it immediately. I have been losing some weight for a while now, so maybe that’s why it slipped off, or maybe it was that in conjunction with the colder weather. As my co-worker pointed out: “You’re supposed to get fatter the longer you’re married. Your wife shouldn’t be feeding you healthy food.” In other words, this is all. Sara’s. Fault.

I’ve been pretty bummed about the whole thing. First off, taking the sentimentality out of it, it’s definitely the most expensive thing I’ve ever misplaced. Second off, I really hate losing anything. It just drives me crazy until I find it. I’ve been walking around staring at the ground everywhere I go, even if the ring couldn’t possibly be there (like if I go somewhere I didn’t go that day). I just can’t stop thinking about it, and thinking of more places to check, even if the places get more and more absurd.

But finally, you can’t take the sentimentality out of it. That’s my wedding ring! That’s the symbol of my marriage. I could get another ring, but it will never be THE ring. It’s not just any old ring. This has come up before, in the discussion of “upgrading” your ring. Some people get a new, better ring on some particular anniversary, such as adding diamonds, etc. The theory, I guess, is that you’re older and you have more money, so you can get a better ring now that you could have back when you got engaged. (Either that, or maybe it’s like, “Well, I guess it’s going to last after all, so I guess you ARE worth spending money on. Either way.) I have always adamantly been against this. I don’t care what kind of ring I would have bought now…it’s the one that I did buy that’s special. That’s the one that reminds me of where we were at at that point in our lives, even if we were young (perhaps BECAUSE we were young).

I don’t know, I’m just depressed about losing it. Now that it has been a week, I’m not holding out much hope of finding it.

My precioussssssss.

8 thoughts on “The Dangers of Losing Weight, or, How I Lost My Wedding Ring

  1. Man, that’s the worst! I am sure there are A LOT of people out there wearing second, third or fourth replacement rings… but I know your pain. I lost the diamond out of my “original” engagement ring. 1. Losing a diamond is not really something I can ever afford to do. 2. It was my grandmother’s. It literally fell out of the ring and never found it. I hope you find it when/if you ever move… it could be lurking quietly in a corner somewhere!

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  3. The ring was last seen heading east in the possession of a 4 hobbits, 2 men, a dwarf, an elf, and a wizard. Police have ordered all Orcs, Balrogs, and all Nazgul to restrain the group and of course the All Seeing Eye of Sauron will be searching as well.

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  6. I’d suggest contacting a local metal detecting club…. guaranteed they’ll have someone keen to come over and scan your yard for you. I’ve done that honour for several folks, so give it a whirl? It doesn’t matter how many years have passed…

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