Alex: “It’s kind of inefficient to go to bathroom and then get a drink of water.”

Boy at pool, hitting on Sara: “Hey what’s your name?”
Sara: “Sara. What’s your name?”
Boy: “Aiden. How old are you?”
Sara, wondering where this is going: “40.”
Sara: “How old are you?”
Boy: “11.”
Boy: “Do you say bad words and stuff?”
Sara, trying not to laugh: “No, not usually.”
Boy: “Do you smoke?”
Sara: “No. Do you smoke??”
Boy: “No.”
Boy: “So, where are you from?”
Sara: “Illinois.” 
Boy: “Are you from Collinsville?” (St. Louis border town, pop. 25k, so the odds here were not great)
Sara: “No.”
Boy: “Where are you from then?”
Sara: “Chicago.”
Boy: “Cool.”

Nathan: “You know Ron from Harry Potter? He bought an ice cream truck and drives around the countryside giving out ice cream.”
Alex: “No spoilers!!”

When you’re raising a D&D kid:

<Alex falling off his bike>
Me: “Oh no are you okay? Did you scrape your knee?”
Alex: “No, it was more like bludgeoning damage.”

Alex: “I just got a damn good card!”
Where’d he learn that from???

Evelyn: “I’m gonna give [this card] to Alex.”
Alex: “I have a cuteness that makes people donate to me.”

<Oliver, freaking out because I came within a mile of his camera>
Shane: “Sweetheart, they can’t see me, and even if they could, they are aware you have parents.”

Ah the joys of remote school!

Oliver: “One good thing about covid is I don’t have to clean the food off my face because I’m wearing a mask!”