Evelyn, wistfully: “I can’t wait until I’m in college. I’m going to have a flat screen tv!!”
::Sara and I exchanging glances, knowing we had a 55 inch flat screen tv wrapped and hidden in our room for months::

Alex: “Plain black pants go with everything, but gray pants only go with a few species.”

Alex: “I’m trying to eat breakfast and then here comes Ollie and he’s like, ‘I don’t know what to get, so I’m just going to do a silly dance!'”
Me: “Yeah, Ollie is pretty good at distracting you.”
Alex: “Well, he does it because he loves me and wants me to be happy.”

Awww! This is both sweet and 100% accurate on all counts.

Me: “Anybody who is not in their room by the time I count to five has to clean a toilet!”

(Sara made me write that one down!)

Me: “Alexander, did you open that lip balm after we told you not to??”
Alex: “Well… It was a couple of hours AFTER you told me not to…”

Alex: “This is the best Halloween I’ve had in like a year!”

Evelyn: “Does this outfit look like something a teacher’s pet would wear? Because it’s really hard to convey that over zoom.”

Me: “Will you do a beauty salon on me sometime?”
Alex: “When you get more hair.”

Alex: “What does fond mean?”
Me: “It means you like something. Like if I said I’m fond of you it means I like you!”
Alex: “I’m very fond of Mommy.”

lolsob

Crossword clue: Your nephew’s sister is your ______.
Alex, without hesitation: “Your wife!”

Evelyn: “…and we had this jingle that went like — OH MY GOD IS THAT SQUIRREL WEARING SHOES??”
Me: “That’s a terrible jingle.”

(I never did see if the squirrel was wearing shoes)

Evelyn: (while holding up a huge knife) “This would be great in the zombie apocalypse.”
Alex (who I will remind you is only 4 years old): “You don’t need a knife.  You only need a bat.”

And that, my friends, is called good parenting!