Oliver and Evie have always gotten along a pretty well. She obviously loves him very much, and for his part, he generally puts up with the abuse. When he got old enough to take an interest in her toys, things went downhill a little bit, but it was still okay. Now, however…I think it is a combination between his greater mobility and interest in objects in general, and her realization of just how much attention he gets, or how much attention she *doesn’t* get.

I tell you, it gives me a much greater appreciation for what it is like to be a younger sibling. I feel like I owe my sister an apology! It’s not just that they get beat up, although they do, but it’s more all the things that they don’t get that the older sibling got. Especially just in terms of amount of attention paid, or amount of one-on-one time. And you just can’t help thinking about him without comparing him to your older child.

With Evie I felt like we just spent the whole time holding our breath, waiting for her to do the next amazing thing. With Oliver, it’s almost like he’ll do something and then I’ll be like, “Oh yeah, that’s amazing, I almost forgot. When Evie did that, I jumped on the blog and put it up immediately.” Evie never had to share the limelight for her big achievements.

The ironic thing is that, in a few years, Evie is going to be annoyed with Oliver wanting to do what she’s doing, following her around, copying her, etc. But right now, it’s exactly the opposite! Any toy Oliver grabs, she has to have it, even if she’s never shown the slightest interest in it before. We will watch Oliver walk over and pull a toy out of the toy box, and then Evie will shout from across the room, “I had it first!”

The past few weeks, whenever Oliver is getting any kind of attention, Evie has to insert herself in there. And 3 year olds are not subtle. If Oliver is crying, she starts fake crying. If we’re taking a video of him, Evie tries to stand in front of the camera. If we’re just not paying attention to her, she will just punch her brother in the face.

Obviously this stuff is not acceptable, but on the other hand, I totally understand where she is coming from. I really feel bad for her. I try to make sure to give her attention when I notice that we are giving him some attention, or when she gets that look in her eye like she is going to push him over.

But isn’t this just another way that older sibling have it better? When she was little, she got all the attention. Now, when it’s Oliver’s turn to get some attention, we have to remember to give her *more* attention, so she doesn’t get upset. It seems like it’s not fair to Oliver, but I guess that’s just the way it is.

So, Rachael, if the 3 year old version of me treated you even a little bit the way Evie treats Oliver, then I apologize completely!

I’ve never had two kids before. That is to say that I really didn’t know how they would act around each other (although I do have siblings of my own, but I don’t really remember that far back). Most, if not all, books and movies tell me that the older sibling would occasionally feel a little jealous or angry at the new baby. This sort of makes sense, at least to an adult, so it seemed reasonable. However, most people I know with a couple of kids said that the older one pretty much ignores the infant.

I don’t know if our situation is unique or what, but Evie had a totally different reaction altogether: an unceasing love so strong, that it threatens to smother Oliver!

Evie is constantly kissing and whispering sweet nothings to him. Every night she hugs him and says, “I love you Oliver!” in the most reverent tones. She gets so upset when he cries and always tries to make him feel better. She just can’t help it; if she sees him, she just *has* to smooch him. We are often telling her, “Okay, back up!”, “Give him some air!”, or “Okay honey, but he’s sleeping right now!” If I had a dime for every time she’s woken up or upset him when he was doing perfectly well on his own, I’d be able to hire a nanny to keep her at bay 24/7.

The thing is, you feel bad telling her to stop loving her brother so much. You feel a little silly when you realize you’ve been angrily yelling, “Evie, stop smooching him! He’s sleeping! I’ll tell you when you can kiss him!” On the other hand, she does occasionally attempt to literally smother him with love.

One time we were reading a “now you’re a big sister” book and there was a section about how sometimes you might get mad or jealous of the baby. I asked her if she ever felt that way. She looked at me as if I were speaking another language. I asked her again and told her it was okay if she felt that way. She looked like maybe she would cry that I would even ask her that. I quickly changed the subject. No need to put thoughts in her head that clearly weren’t there!

So anyway, if we have any problem in this family, it’s too much love. I don’t know how long it will last, but, since we’re approaching the 2 month mark, it looks like it is here for a little while at least. There are worse problems to have.