The top search term to reach my blog in the past 365 days is “butt“.
And it’s not even close.
(We’re talking by a factor of 5 here)
search terms
Search Term Roundup
“if the zombie apocalypse comes it will be hard pretending not to be excited” – RIGHT??
“genital guillotine” – No. Just…no.
“quotations on jock itch” – Nothing says inspirational quote like jock itch.
“ewok weight training” – As in, weight training programs for ewoks, or tossing those little buggers like medicine balls?
“wisconsin camping babes” – Clearly looking for a family reunion wrap-up.
“chemotherapy jokes knock knock” – Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chemotherapy. Chemotherapy who? Cancer is not funny.
“gorilla,bacon, peanut butter and mustaches” – Possibly the new tagline of my blog.
“chainsaw licking” – Not a sport for the weak of heart.
“how to get crumbs out of teeth” – So you can master google, but not toothbrushing?
“tickling nala’s footpaws” – I swear that had to be Evie googling that
“moustache tied to train tracks” – Now that’s a hilarious prank!
“fort wayne ww2 hitler” – I think the connections are pretty obvious when you think about it.
“volcano pirate birthday party” – YES! Not sure what the connection is between volcanoes and pirates, but sign me up.
Search Term Rollup
“sharktopus colouring in pages” – Like, for kids to color? We’re still talking about this thing, right? That’s what you want your kids to be coloring?
“are zombies allergic to pee circles” – Well? Are they? Because that sure could simplify my zombie apocalypse plans quite a bit…
“what if a praying mantis sees himself in a mirror” – Indeed. What if.
“pipe manners meth” – You know, I’d hate to be impolite when I’m SMOKING METH.
“animated gifs allergic reaction” – An animated gif of an allergic reaction, or a person who is allergic to animated gifs?
“stomp on my glasses please” – WHAAA?
“bowling mustache” – Isn’t that redundant? Is there any other kind of mustache?
“president riding a dinosaur” – Yes please! You show me a president riding on a dinosaur, and I show you my vote, no questions asked.
“how to make baby stuffed quilts” – I’d go for wool myself, but I suppose babies would work too.
“how to draw the green bay packers logo” – IT’S THE LETTER G
“why u-shaped toilet seat pee on floor” – I know, right?
“negative points of putting sandhood and milk on face” – Because, I see the positives of rubbing sand (hood?) and milk on your face, but I just can’t see what the negatives are?
Search Term Roundup
“things that start with the letter a” – I’m guessing that returned a lot of search results.
“harry potter wands for sale cheap” – It’s like, I want to do magic, but I’m on a budget, you know?
“heat seeking balloons” – Oh god, pull up! It’s right on your tail! Evasive maneuvers! It looks like a heat seeking…balloon?
“when it rains it pours zombie?” – When it rains, it pours….zombies? Paratrooping zombies falling from the skies? The horror.
“80’s – ohh ohh ohh ohhhhhhhhhh ohhhhh” – This one makes me laugh, both in the futility of the search, but also because I have been reduced to performing similar searches before. (specifically “Ber ner ner ner, ber ner ner ner, ber ner ner NER ner ner ner”)
“funny zombie birthday quotes” – That’s…very specific. Funny zombie quotes are hard enough to come by, but to only limit them to birthday quotes…
“bigbutt wemon” – This is actually the only way I find my own site.
“bacon worshipping religion” – Yes please.
“potluck flowchart” – Is there bacon wrapped weenies? Yes -> take 10, No -> be sad
“facebook for people without kids” – I guess I didn’t realize it was specific for people with kids?
“jet ski urban crime” – Awesome idea, however, not a lot of urban places are accessible by jet ski. Chicago just might be one of them, though…
“is it bad if people hero worship you” – As a person who is most likely hero worshiped practically nonstop (I assume), I am definitely the right person to answer this question. Seriously though, who asks this question and how do they fit their enormous head through the door?
Google Searches V
Since my friend Dan mentioned it on his blog, I decided it was time for another round of strange Google searches. These are things that people searched for that somehow landed them on my blog.
- “funny things to say at a bachelor party” – That’s pretty lame my friend. Make up your own jokes. And I have to assume this is the same guy who later searched for, “sayings for bachelor paintball” and maybe even “sweet to say on monday quotes”. Dude, you’re trying too hard!
- “that noise robert downey jr makes in sherlock holmes” – What in god’s name does that mean? Did he make a noise in that movie? If so, what else is there to know about it? This one really baffled me.
- “zombie wizard of oz” and “wizard of oz zombie art” – Both are topics found on my blog, but not usually in conjunction with each other.
- “congratulations you are alive” – Thank you?
- “creeper stare” – ::sigh::, I guess that’s me.
- “antonym of sleepwalk” – Uh…is the opposite of sleepwalking just sleeping? Or did they mean walking around while not sleeping?
- “awful face” – Aw, really? And they found me? Geez. Good thing someone else searched for “heaven fantasy picture” to balance it out.
- “why geeks shouldn’t have children” – Ouch. I guess I’m the poster child for this? That one cuts deep.
- “flannel sheets dry skin” – Ugh, god! Most horrible search term ever! ::shudders:: Why would you be looking for that? I’m looking to *avoid* that!
- “zombies and skylights” – I don’t know what this one could be, but it sounds like a bad combination to me, hombre.
Shane Halbach 