Though awkward seems to be thy major trait
Appearing with the visage of Bill Gates
And foreign words thou seem to mispronounce
Huge glasses thy misfit status doth announce
It must be said thou never lead astray
A lonely traveler with little cash at hand
Thy book a pilgrim’s bible to the world
Where and when it’s worth to spend a day
Which restaurants and sites are bland or grand
And where head upon a pillow safely curls

‘Twas Italy where first we learned to trust
The walking tour of Rome which was a must
We quickly learned to check with thou before
We even set one foot out yonder door
In England books of thine were in demand
A thief who broke our window just to steal
And left us in distress without your aid
Since all the trip upon the book was planned
Forlorn and nearly ruined by this ordeal
‘Til the guest house’s copy we managed to persuade

And now with trip to Paris looming near
No other guide’s advice would we now hear
When traveling through far and foreign land
We know we are kept safe in adept hands
From shortcuts in the Louvre to look and leave
and tips on what to buy to skip the lines
To spaces for the kids or fine cuisine
We wouldn’t know what to do without Rick Steves
We know that our vacation will be fine
And Evie even gets a guillotine!

(Special ode formatting thanks to Ode to a Grecian Urn by John Keats)