People actually said this stuff

There was a great article listing things that people actually said during job interviews. They’re all pretty good, but I’ve listed some of my favorites:

What are your hobbies and interests?

“[He said] ‘Well, as you can see, I’m a young, virile man and I’m single — if you ladies know what I’m saying.’ Then he looked at one of the fair-haired board members and said, ‘I particularly like blondes.'”

Do you have any questions?

“If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?”

Why are you leaving your current job?

“I was fired from my last job because they were forcing me to attend anger management classes.”

What are your weaknesses?

“I get angry easily and I went to jail for domestic violence. But I won’t get mad at you.”

“I am an alcoholic and do not deserve this job.”

“I’m really not a big learner. You know … some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that’s just not me. I’d much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn’t change a lot.”

Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it

“I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement.”

Random Responses

“Wow — I’m not used to wearing dress shoes! My feet are killing me. Can I show you these bloody blisters?”

“May I have a cup of coffee? I think I may still be a little drunk from last night.”

Improv Everywhere

You have to check out this comedy group.  Some of my favorite missions include Cell Phone Symphony, The Moebius, No Pants, Megastore, and Look Up More.

Sara got that job!  Also, my sister graduated from college on Saturday.  Congrats to both of them!

We went to NYC one last time over the weekend.  We saw the Wedding Singer (staring Stephen Lynch!) and Sweeny Todd.  They were both pretty good, Wedding Singer had a lot of good 80’s jokes and references and Sweeny Todd was very creepy and weird.  We tried to get tickets for the Tribeca Film Festival, but we didn’t get there in time.  We also ate a ton of good food, as usual.  I’m going to miss having that place so close!  I love New York, it would be really cool to live there.

Oh, for mother’s day I bought tickets to see Wicked in Chicago.  I’ve been trying to get my mom to see it forEVER!  She’s a huge Wizard of Oz fan (she even collects stuff from it) and I bought her Wicked the book last year for Christmas.  She could never get a trip planned to get out here to see it, so I got tickets when she’s already going to be in Chicago to help me move in.  I’m going to tell her next weekend on Mother’s Day.

The big news of the day is that I convinced Sara to let me buy tickets to a Packers game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’ve never been to an honest-to-god pro game…I always end up going to pre-season games because they’re cheaper.  In particluar, I’ve never been to a game at Lambeau field.  The Packers play a pre-season game in Madison and also I’ve seen them here in Philly.  I’ve been to Lambeau before, but only before the season to watch a practice.  The game is Lions at Packers on December 17th.  I booked a hotel in Appleton for the night before, since the game starts at noon.  I bought 2 tickets, one for me and one for my dad for Christmas/birthday/other holidays to be named later.  It’s been my dream for a while to go with my dad to a game at Lambeau…even more so now that Favre decided to come back for another seaon.  This will be my last chance to see him play!  I even went all out and got 2 tickets to the official tailgating party at Brett Favre’s Steakhouse before the game.  All you can eat and drink for 3 hours before kickoff!

So the real question is, how am I going to keep a lid on a secret this big for months!  I could hardly keep from calling my dad minutes after I bought the tickets!

Airlines suck

Sara’s interview went really well.  Aparently the guy opened with something like, “This is essentially just to see if you’ll take the job or not.  I’ve already decided.”

Okay, but that’s not the story I came here to write.  Sara’s flight was listed as “30% on time.”  I mean why bother even having a flight schedule if you can only make it 30 freaking percent of the time??

So I was supposed to pick her up at 11:15 but it got delayed several times and now it’s all the way back to 12:30.  Going to be a late night.  Also Sara has to go to work early tomorrow!  I would try to catch a nap, but by the time I fall asleep I’ll just have to get back up again, but then I’ll be all groggy.

Stupid American Airlines! >:-o

It’s done!

Well I finally heard back from the job.  They did offer me more money!  So I finally proved that you should turn down the first offer!  However, I also proved that you should not get your hopes up because the amount of money more they offered me the second time was like 1% more than the first time…I don’t know if it was worth the stress of asking for more money!

The only question to settle now is do I want to start May 29th or June 5th.  I’d prefer the second date, but they wanted someone as soon as possible.  I’m waiting to hear back from them.

In other news, there is this fantastic game called Kingdom of Loathing.  It’s a simple online game, best explained by their “What is KoL?” page.  I used to have a  Pastamancer named “Felix the Al Dente” but I always secretly wanted to be a Disco Bandit.  Anyway, you should play this game and waste hours and hours of your free time.

But why do I bring this up now, especially since I don’t play anymore?  I bring it up because i was recently reminded of the game by a reference to it in an article on this sick puppy.  Basically he was just a regular guy, as demonstrated by this quote:

“Regarding a potential motive,” Purcell Police Chief David Tompkins said Saturday, “this appears to have been part of a plan to kidnap a person, rape them, torture them, kill them, cut off their head, drain the body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse then dispose of the organs and bones.”

Oh, and also:

“He said one of his main interests was the online role-playing game “Kingdom of Loathing,” in which stick figures battle one another.”

So basically, what I’m saying is, you should really check out this game!  ALL the cool kids are doing it.

I am the biggest dumbass EVAR

Holy crap, that’s all I can say.

Today I wrote a long long email to my friend John Keith about the problems I was having getting my 2 realtors to send me any properties to look at and how I wasn’t going to “fly all the way out there unless I had some properties to see.”  20 minutes later I get a reply to said email from my boss, John Kielty.  Notice the similarity of the two names.  My boss says, “Odd email.  Sounds like you need a new realtor. By “fly all the way out there” am I supposed to assume you’re looking to relocate?” Obviously I haven’t told anybody at work about looking for a new job.

So I had to go talk to him and tell him about it.  I guess everything went okay, I mean what was he going to do?  He understood wanting to relocate closer to family.  It was going to come out soon anyway, and as Sara pointed out now I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to tell him!  Still, I don’t think all the fretting in the world would be as bad as the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read the response from him and realized I sent the email to the wrong person.

Also, this was at 9:30 in the morning, so needless to say, my day didn’t go very well.

In other news, I called the job and asked for more money.  That’s right, I handled it like a man!  Everybody says, “Don’t take the first offer, reject it for sure.  They expect you to.  They’ll respect you more.” but then you say, “Oh, did you reject your first offer?” and they say, “Oh, hell no, not me.  That’s crazy talk.”  So I went back and forth but eventually I did it!  So I’ll keep ya’ll posted on that.  If nothing else, maybe I can serve as a warning to all the idiots who say reject the first offer…

Chicago here I come!

Well, I finally heard from that company that flew me out for an interview.  It took 4 1/2 weeks from when I flew out there for them to get back to me with an offer.  That was a nerve wracking 4 1/2 weeks, let me tell you!  They’re sending me a packet with detailed information, but at least I know right now that the salary they offered me was 5% more than what I make now even though I just got a raise like a month ago.  Plus it looks like they would completely cover relocation!

One decision to make is whether I go back to them and ask for more money.  Everybody says you shouldn’t accept the first offer, but I never had the balls to do that.  I don’t even know how I’d go about it to be honest.  I’m looking for advice.

The other area I’m looking for advice in is neighborhoods in Chicago.  We’d like to be able to buy a house, but Chicago is as expensive as Philly, meaning we’ll probably have to settle for a condo.  Our realtor is really good about shooting down properties that we send to him (without saying anything other than “that’s not a great neighborhood”), but not too good at sending us properties to look at.  Meaning, he’s not being very helpful.

Nonetheless, things are definitely moving along.  No jobs for Sara yet, but she’s keeping her eyes peeled.

Myriad

So I never told y’all about how my job interview went.  To summarize, it went great.  They decided to give me an offer and now I’m just waiting to hear from HR.  Assuming the money is decent, and they assured me that it would be, I will be moving to Chicago!

Remind me sometime to tell you about the weird gazelle/mountain goat incident.

So Mike D’s mom and step dad are realtors and they gave us a call tonight.  Moving closer to family, getting a new job and owning our first home…now that’s excitement!  I’m just glad all of this is starting to move now since we’ve been secretly planning it for so long.  I still haven’t told my family anything yet, but Sara broke the news to hers.  I’m waiting until I actually have the offer in my hand.

I think I also failed to mention that my little bro is coming to visit this weekend on spring break with his girlfriend.  They’ll only actually be here a few days though because they’re going to spend some time in NYC.  Good times.

Here’s a good puzzle game.  Blow up the bubbles until they pop.  Cause long chain reactions to get more drops.  The good thing about it is that the levels are randomly generated, so you don’t have to play through the same levels all the time.  The bad thing about it is that the levels are randomly generated, so sometimes you totally can’t get as far.  My highest is level 13 but I think Sara got to like 16.

Did you see Salma Hayek at the academy awards?  Yowza.  I thought Keira Knightley looked even better though.  Those fake political-style ads where people were lobbying for awards were hilarious.

I wasn’t sure what to get Sara for VD but eventually I thought of a few things.  First off, she used to get In Style and she really liked it, but she has this thing she does where she rips out pages of magazines and saves them for some reason.  Now I admit, this has come in handy before, particularly when we want to have a party or something.  There’s good ideas in there.  So I bought her a nice hardcover edition of In Style Parties (The Complete Guide to Easy, Elegant Entertaining).  I thought that would be nicer than having all the ripped out magazine pages laying around.

The second thing I got was a subscription to Elle Decor.  Sara loves getting magazines and also she’s obsessed with buying a house, so I thought it might be nice to get something that had to do with decorating, etc.  I did some research and Elle Decor seemed to be the right mix of cheap and elegant.

So anyway, I didn’t spend a ton of time or money (around 2 hours and $60 respectively) but I felt pretty good about things.  On the other hand, Sara bought me a bookmark.  Granted, I needed a bookmark, but still.  She said she had another idea, but she just didn’t get around to buying it.  They say it’s the thought that counts, but I think that only applies if the thought isn’t, “Yeah…I just couldn’t be bothered.”

So I bought a ring tone for my phone.  That’s right, I’m that guy.  See, Sara and I have similar phones and they only come with one ringtone that is remotely useable.  So, of course, we both use that one.  The problem is, every time either phone rings we’re always saying, “Is that mine?  Is that mine?”  So I finally spent the $2 and bought Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve.  I have to say, every time I get a phone call I’m tempted to let it ring for awhile, so I can listen. 

Sara was kind of mad because she deemed $2 for a ringtone to be a waste of money, but I told her to take it out of my Valentine’s Day present and she didn’t mention it again.  The way I figure it, I can still milk that baby for about another $56.

I hadn’t talked to Schafer for a couple of months, which is one of the longer times we’ve gone without talking.  I called and left messages a few times but I hadn’t heard back.  I was starting to think that ship had kind of sailed, but he called me over the weekend.  It was really nice to talk to him.  I hate losing friends, and I’d especially hate to lose a friend I’ve had since pre-school.  Still it does get increasingly hard to have conversations the longer we aren’t really part of each other’s lives anymore.  Anyway…