Green Bay Packers missing a key ingredient

Well, the Packers made it all the way to the NFC championship this year, but they couldn’t quite get over the hump. In retrospect, I feel like there is one missing, crucial ingredient that is holding them back from going all the way.

I am talking, of course, about their lack of a fight song.

You know what I mean. The cheesy big band songs from the 1920’s with the awful lyrics, like “We’ll never forget the way you thrilled the nation / with your T formation!” and “We’re gonna do it for our super fans!” While the songs are groan inducing when taken at face value, there is something about having a shared song or go-to chant that makes a universal bond between fans. Get a group of Boilermakers together, and there’s going to be a “Hail Purdue”, regardless of the race/gender/income level/background of the participants. It’s literally the one thing they have in common (also, it’s legally required by the ritual blood oath performed at all graduation ceremonies).

I’ve lived in two places with great fight songs, and I’m here to tell you what a difference it makes. If you get at least 2 Philadelphians together, you might not get the full “Fly, Eagles, Fly”, but you will at least get an, “E-A-G-L-E-S-EAGLES!” I am not kidding, you would not believe how often this comes up. I’ve heard it at fast food restaurants (during the offseason!). I’ve heard it while waiting in line to get into a haunted house. I’ve heard it basically every time I’ve gone for a cheesesteak. In Chicago, nobody really sings “Bear Down, Chicago Bears”, but I do hear the music quite a bit, and I’m sure any Chicago football fan would recognize the opening few bars of music.

Where is our “San Diego SUPER CHARGERS!”? Our “J-E-T-S-JETS-JETS-JETS!”?

The main thing the Packers have is shouting, “Go, Pack, Go!” Not very inspired. Some might say they have the “Beer Barrel Polka”, which is definitely played prominently in the stadium during game days. However, that is not Packer-specific; quite frankly there are a lot of places in Wisconsin you might hear the “Beer Barrel Polka” (including church).

Now, before you jump down my throat, I am aware that there is an official fight song, it’s exactly what I was talking about, and it even mentions bacon. However, there are a few problems with it. First and foremost, the original lyrics say, “On you blue and gold, to glory” which, you know, is a bit dated since they haven’t worn those colors since the 1930s. Second, and most importantly, have you ever heard anybody actually singing this thing?

If we ever hope to make another superbowl appearance, I’d say we have two options: embrace the “official” fight song, and start playing it non-stop until every Packer fan knows it by heart (possibly, also a blood-oath, I’m just saying), or two, we make up a new one.

I know, I know, it’s kind of cheating. You can’t “invent” a tradition. But honestly, you can. All traditions have to start somewhere. Create something that sounds timeless, something simple, a little cheesy (see what I did there?), “find” an old tape somewhere at Lambeau, hire a couple of bands to play in the parking lot before games…I’m biased, but maybe a little accordion perhaps? Next thing you know, you have people singing it at the stadium, listening to it on the radio, greeting each other with the secret handshake…

Boom, superbowl all the way baby.

Search Term Rollup

“sharktopus colouring in pages” – Like, for kids to color? We’re still talking about this thing, right? That’s what you want your kids to be coloring?

“are zombies allergic to pee circles” – Well? Are they? Because that sure could simplify my zombie apocalypse plans quite a bit…

“what if a praying mantis sees himself in a mirror” – Indeed. What if.

“pipe manners meth” – You know, I’d hate to be impolite when I’m SMOKING METH.

“animated gifs allergic reaction” – An animated gif of an allergic reaction, or a person who is allergic to animated gifs?

“stomp on my glasses please” – WHAAA?

“bowling mustache” – Isn’t that redundant? Is there any other kind of mustache?

“president riding a dinosaur” – Yes please! You show me a president riding on a dinosaur, and I show you my vote, no questions asked.

“how to make baby stuffed quilts” – I’d go for wool myself, but I suppose babies would work too.

“how to draw the green bay packers logo” – IT’S THE LETTER G

“why u-shaped toilet seat pee on floor” – I know, right?

“negative points of putting sandhood and milk on face” – Because, I see the positives of rubbing sand (hood?) and milk on your face, but I just can’t see what the negatives are?

Welcome to the World, Sweetheart

Ah, that magical moment in every little girl’s life, when she first sees a naked homeless man.

We had only recently arrived at a park we don’t normally go to, when Evie insisted that she needed to go to the bathroom. “Why didn’t you go before we left?” I asked. “Because I didn’t have to go then!” replied every child since the dawn of time. Luckily(?), there was a small stone building of the kind that can only mean ‘Outdoor Public Bathroom that is Semi-Occasionally Cleaned’, so I started in that direction, daughter in tow.

As we got closer, I heard the distinctive noise of a shower. “Hmm, that’s kind of weird, they have showers in the park bathroom?” I thought. In retrospect, this was probably ridiculous, but the bathrooms reminded me of nothing so much as the bathrooms at a campground or state park, which do often have showers. So my brain failed to send up the proper warning flags. “Hmm, that’s kind of weird, there’s shoes and socks in the open doorway?” I wondered. But we find all kinds of clothes all over the place all the time in our neighborhood, so that didn’t jump out at me either. There was a bright pink girls shirt that sat in our parking lot for two weeks until I threw it in the dumpster. There used to be a power line down the street with an entire collection of shoes hanging on it. So again my brain failed to send up the proper warning flags.

“Hmm, that’s kind of weird, there’s a naked man standing in the bathroom even though there is clearly no shower in here, and the door which leads outside to the public park is standing wide open where anybody could walk by or even walk right in holding the hand of a 4 year old girl.”

To give him credit, he seemed more surprised and embarrassed than we did. I find that odd. I mean, if I were taking a shower in the sink completely naked in a public bathroom with the door open, I would probably be nervous and jumpy, expecting someone to walk in at any minute. On the other hand, maybe the people who frequent this park know better than to go into the bathrooms, so maybe he takes a nice relaxing sink-bath every day with no fear of anybody barging in on him. And anyway, I guess I shouldn’t really try to put myself in his mindset, because probably if I were taking a shower in the public bathroom sink, I would probably just remove my shirt or something, and not get completely naked. But that’s just me.

We beat a hasty retreat and found the women’s bathroom instead. Of course this meant I had to wait outside while Evie went in to take her sweet time. You would think this might be the end of the story, but unfortunately the man quickly put on his shorts and then came outside to chat with me, sans shirt.

“I’m really, really sorry about that.”
“Oh, that’s okay, no problem.”
“Well, did she see anything?”
::please tell me I’m not having this conversation::
“No, I think she’s okay.”
“Well, as long as she didn’t see anything.”
::please oh please oh please let this conversation end::
“I think she’s fine.”

I have no idea if she saw anything or not. And I mean really, what’s the worst case scenario? Her life will not be ruined by seeing a naked man. Her mind will not be shattered. Let’s not forget that for the past three quarters of a year there has been a naked boy running around the house every evening, and she’s been able to cope with that.

Suddenly, the man looked at me with deadly seriousness. “If this were football season, I’d have to have words with you.”

Realization dawned on me that I was wearing a Packer’s shirt and ball cap, and this man did not approve. “Evie, please hurry it up in there, I do not want to be knifed by a homeless man!!”, I thought. I mean, look, he probably wouldn’t have knifed me. He was barely wearing any clothes, so he probably didn’t have his homemade shiv on him at the moment. Besides, the Bears/Packers rivalry is just good natured fun, right? It’s not like we’re in Philly. On the other hand, this is a man who was standing naked in a public place. He probably isn’t the last word on proper behavior.

(Side note, I would think that if you had a place to watch the Bears’ games, you would have a place to take a shower, no?)

I found some excuse to dart into the women’s bathroom on the pretense of helping Evie (“What’s that honey, you need help reaching the soap?”), physically speeding her out of the bathroom. I gave him a nod as I dragged Evie by the arm back to the safety of the playground as fast as I could go and still maintain my “oh yeah, I’m totally cool with chatting with half-naked dudes I don’t know (who a very short while ago used to be completely-naked dudes I don’t know) outside of public bathrooms about our favorite sports teams” nonchalance.

This is one of those parenting moments they don’t teach you about in books.

Quote Monday pretends to pretend

Me: “We should get rid of the George Foreman.”
Evie, distraught: “But, then how would we make bacon??”

Evie: “Can you keep reading from your brain?” – In other words, “Can you keep telling me a story?”

Evie: “I wonder what Uncle Nathan is doing right now? Probably boasting that the Packers won the big game.”

Evie: “She lived long ago, back when pretend things lived, like fairies and dragons.” – She understands that pretend means they don’t exist. At least not now. Maybe she’s not so clear on the definition of pretend after all. Oh well, I’d rather live in a world where fairies and dragons at least used to exist.

Evie: “I wonder what it looked like!”
Sara, not paying attention: “Mmm hmm, me too.”
Evie: “No you don’t.”


Superbowl Champions

Superbowl XLV is in the books, and the Green Bay Packers are officially the world champions!

The sun is brighter, the air is sweeter, traffic was lighter, and there were even Bears fans complaining on the radio. Life is good!

What a game it was. I don’t even know if I could say that I enjoyed the game, because it was so nerve wracking. In retrospect, now that everything is said and done and the Packers won it all, I can say that the last 6 weeks or so were about as fun of a ride to the Superbowl as anybody could ever want.

Having to beat the Giants and then the Bears the last two weeks of the season to squeak into the playoffs. Coming in as a 6th seed and beating both Philly and Atlanta on the road. Beating the Bears AGAIN in the NFC championship game. And finally winning the whole shebang, and putting up awesome numbers against a very good Steelers team.

The game itself was a nail-bitter for me. After all the injuries this season (15 guys on IR! Many of them starters!), then to see Woodson and Driver leave the game, along with Shields and Collins (who both ended upcoming back), was almost too much to bear. I told Sara, “Thank god this is the last game of the season…I couldn’t take another one.” Watching the Packers jump out to a 21-3 lead and then slowly squander it away through dropped pass after dropped pass. Just writing this paragraph is raising my blood pressure.

Evie caught my excitement and was pretty excited:

Evie: “Go Packers! I’m so excited I let some drool out of my mouth!”

I might have been a little overly enthusiastic myself, especially in terms of high-fiving:

Evie: “Ow, you  hurt my hands!”

Overall, what a good year for football! I won my survival league, I finished the regular season in 1st place in my fantasy league, and even though I only ended up in 3rd after the playoffs, it still payed out. And now, the Superbowl of course. You cannot beat the trifecta of football wins!

In fact, I can only thing of two football related things to complain about:

  1. Due to some setting on either my Tivo or my digital converter box, the score board is off the side of my tv, making it impossible to see the score or the game clock. The score isn’t a big deal, but not knowing how much time is on the clock at the end of the game is a very bad thing!
  2. The Packers have a sore lack of a theme song of some sort. There are plenty of songs out there, generally of the one off, super-cheesy (no pun intended) variety. But I’m talking an official, Packers’ authorized chant or song, similar to Fly Eagles Fly, Bear Down Chicago Bears, or even J-E-T-S-Jets-Jets-Jets. Preferably something old and classic. Some kind of rallying cry that every Packers fan everywhere would know. The closest we come are the ultra-generic, “du-duh-duh-ch du-duh-duh-ch GO PACK GO” and playing “I want to bang on the drum all day“, which is used by several other football teams. You’d think a team with this much history and tradition would have picked up some sort of unique fight song somewhere along the way!

One more funny quote during the game:

Sara: “Don’t have another [diet caffeine free] pop. You’ll be up peeing all night.”

Am I really that old?