Grumpy Cat

In the past month or so, our cat Nala suddenly got old.

She’s eating a lot less. She’s a lot less active, sleeping more during the day and being grumpier about moving (for example, when you want her to get out of the chair you want to sit in or when you want her out of a room so you can shut the door). She’s just grumpier in general: more likely to try to attack your ankles (well, Sara’s ankles…she knows better than to go after *my* ankles), more grumble-y about getting kicked out of a room, more likely to yowl at you, more likely to have a grumpy-looking, scowly face, etc.

Now traditionally, my relationship with Nala can be described as rocky at best. But it’s funny, but all this grumpy old lady behavior actually makes me like Nala more, not less. This may seem a bit counter-intuitive (why would I like bitey-cat more than non-bitey-cat?), but there’s really two reasons:

  1. I kind of feel bad for her, getting old and all. It seems like the least I can do is give her a scratch under the chin now and again. She deserves the same respect any old person gets, just for making it this long if nothing else.
  2. Seeing her like this reminds me of the fact that she’s going to die some day, and that’s going to be hard on the kids. For both of them, their first words all centered around Nala (I think Oliver’s was “Nala” and I think Evie’s was “Meow”, but she said “Nala” pretty quick too). I think, like many kids with pets, Nala’s demise will probably be their first real experience with death.
I think it is easy to forget that pets, like people, keep getting older. But pets, unlike people, have a limited shelf life. They just don’t last as long as you and your kids wish they would.
I think it’s going to be interesting to see if I miss Nala at all, after she’s gone. Lord knows I have contemplated getting rid of her (or actively wished her death) many times. But when it happens for real, I don’t know what my reaction will be. I’m certainly not going to miss being awakened at night, cleaning up vomit, or finding out she made a unilateral decision to move her bathroom.
One thing is for sure: if I don’t miss her, I will be the only one.
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Dear Maids

If you are going to come while we are on vacation (so that we have to stress about picking up our house while we are trying to get ready to go) and won’t be home for a week, then please make sure with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that you do not leave the door to the litter box shut. Because that would be bad. Almost like the opposite of cleaning our house.

In other news, does anybody know what about 7 days of cat urine and feces does to a treadmill?

More Search Terms

As I mentioned in my previous post on the subject, I am endlessly fascinated by some of the things that people google which result in them landing on my blog. So here are some of the highlights. These are broken down into a few categories of amusement, 1) what the heck was that person searching for, 2) how did that search land on my blog, 3) I don’t know why someone was searching for that, but amazingly, I have a blog post for them!

What the heck was that person searching for?

  • ‘tactical mayonnaise’ – Lunch tactics? Or war tactics?
  • ‘resplendent start with the dead’ – I don’t know what that means, but I’ve had that one no less than 4 times!
  • ‘pull out fingernails’ – Yeesh. No thank you!
  • ‘human zombie cat’ – Yeesh! NO THANK YOU! Stitch together your sick creations on someone else’s blog thank-you-very-much. I have enough trouble with a living, non-human-hybrid cat.
  • ‘jelly fish hunting fighting boats’ – What could that even mean? It conjures images of sea battles with giant mutant jelly fish.

How did that search land on my blog?

These are usually things that I don’t believe I’ve ever talked about, but I do in fact agree with or support. So it’s like Google detected that these people think like me and led them to my blog, despite me never mentioning anything of the sort.

  • ‘are “two question” marks aggressive’ – I don’t know how they found me, but for any future searches on this topic: Yes. Yes they are.
  • ‘awesome cat’ – Okay, I had a couple of hits on this one, but I’m not sure how those found me. I have the opposite. But I did get a hit on ‘nusiance cats’, so that one I understand.
  • ‘what do zombie pirates say?’ – I really don’t know. But I kind of feel like, if anybody should know, I should know, right?
  • ‘where there be pirates’ – Was this a search by an actual pirate?!
  • ‘i grit my teeth when i pet my cat’ – My favorite, hands down. It describes my position exactly. I don’t think I ever said that on my blog though, so how did they end up here?

I don’t know why someone was searching for that, but amazingly, I have a blog post for them!

  • ‘big headed chiquita bananas’ – Lead to this post, in which I mention the chiquita banana lady, but not the size of her head.
  • ‘bacon evie’ – Now those are good search terms for finding me! I get a lot of ‘erith1 is this thing on?’ searches, but those are more obvious. What if ‘bacon evie’ was looking for someone else?
  • ‘litter box in bathroom curtain AND cat peed on curtains why’ – I soo feel for the desperation of the person searching for this. Now, my cat didn’t pee on my curtains, but my story did involve both cat pee and a curtain. So I wasn’t too far off.
  • ‘picklerita’ – Wow, I actually had a good post for them! There can’t be that many picklerita posts out there.
  • ‘she toot on me’ – ::sigh:: but I did get a ‘toot hole’ search, so maybe the phrase is catching on!

Nusiance Cat, Part II

Updating my previous post, since I blocked off the area Nala had been using as a toilet, Nala outsmarted me by simply climbing onto the next higher shelf and going bombs away from up there. The ironic thing is that the shelf she used holds diapers, meaning that 90% of her pee was absorbed by probably the best possible thing for absorbing urine.

So the bad news is, she’s still making an attempt to pee on my floor. The good news is, she’s sort of polite about it (even if by accident).

One Nusiance Cat for Sale

I am not very happy with the cat.

Just with her general day-to-day activities, the cat always hovers just below my annoyance threshold. I’m talking about the way she constantly begs for food, the way she steals your seat even if you’re only going to be gone for 1 microsecond, the way she’s constantly pestering you for attention, or the way she sometimes gets in a “I’m going to eat your arm when you’re not expecting it” mood.  But most specifically, the problem is the way she wakes Evie up every morning by intentionally meowing outside her door at 5 a.m. until she wakes up. At least once  a day that cat causes me to grit my teeth. Literally grit my teeth.

So, the cat is already pushing its limits with me on a daily basis and any extra thing, any minor infraction, just pushes me over the top. This was not a minor infraction. What happened was, the litter box is in the downstairs bathroom, hidden discretely behind a curtain. The bathroom upstairs has the same layout as the downstairs bathroom, but we hadn’t installed the curtain because we used to use that area as a diaper changing station. So when I installed the curtain, Nala said, “Hey! Good on ya! I hate walking all the way downstairs for my wonderfully private bathroom!” (No, she did, I actually heard her say that)(Actually, I wish I had, it could have saved me from what came next)

But it is even worse than you are imagining. Because of the curtain to contain the smell, it took a while for us to notice. Because the dirty diaper bin is behind the curtain, when we did start noticing a smell, we didn’t think too much of it. And because Nala was using A BAG OF EVIE’S BATH TOYS as a potty, the smell was also somewhat contained. So when I finally did get curious enough to investigate, I discovered probably a weeks worth of bathroom usage covering the floor and pouring out of a bag of my daughter’s toys.

If you don’t have a cat, rest assured that there is something particularly awful about the smell of cat urine. It claws into your brain and won’t let go. I have tried every chemical we have to get rid of the smell, and it is still there. And this wasn’t helped by the fact that after I would get done cleaning it, I would open the curtain up for it to dry out and Nala would help herself to the bathroom again. You see, once a cat decides where it wants to go to the bathroom, you can’t convince them otherwise.

Let me ask you, what value does a cat add? We used to use her as our main form of guest entertainment, but we have a kid for that now. What does a cat do that’s so fantastic that I have to take a shower in urine smell every morning? How does it balance out?

Why do I have to put up with this??

Teleportation Cat

This is a veeery sneaky cat.  And creepy!  It almost reminds me of The Ring or something.

Link courtesy Ichiban

You know you’re a dad when…

Today in the span of 5 minutes, I cleaned from the floor pee, vomit, poop, and pee.  In that order.