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Search Term Roundup

/ Shane / 3 Comments

Here we have yet another search term roundup, in which I ruminate about the strangest Google search terms that have lead weary Internet wanderers to my doorstep.

“Skeletor frozen in ice” – We can only hope that Heman was also frozen in ice, to be thawed to combat the future menace, a la Demolition Man.

“awesome” – I don’t know what they thought they would find googling this term, but I’m glad my website came up in the search! I’d like to think it was the first result.

“the awesomest guy ever” – Two hits on this! Two! Thank you for the recognition Google! 🙂

“is this thing on dating website” – I’m not exactly an eligible bachelor, but maybe we could set something up for single commenters? Do I have any single commenters?

“stuffed animal bacon” – The hard part is cooking it long enough to make it crispy. However, I have to admit, Oliver does have a stuffed animal bacon.

“black and asian couples” – Boy, Sara and I to a “T”, I tell you.

“word for “things were better in the old days”” – Is there such a word? If so, I’d like to know it.

“where’s oliver?” – Must be getting desperate if you’re resorting to Google searches. Well, you found him!

“famous black man” – I’m so happy to think that someone searching for famous black men, instead found Sean Connery. Or, maybe it was Sara googling to find the name “Sean Connery”, and she succeeded.

“big sticky wad” – What do you suppose they were looking for? Why do you think they found me?

“hp lovecraft dinner party” – I hope they came to my website looking for my contact information for an invitation, because that sounds awesome!

“t-rex lick people” – I don’t believe that is historically accurate.

“kale chips jokes” – That’s pretty specific. I wracked my brain trying to come up with a kale chips joke to put here, and I think it’s just not possible.

“funny threats” – I’m going to kill you with a rubber chicken! Drown you in seltzer water! Slap you in the face with a poison cream pie!

“i-like-it-salty shane” – That’s right baby. I like it salty. (I really can’t deny, I do like salty things. Salty things.)

Google Search Term Rollup

/ Shane / Leave a comment

“random things nobody would ever think of” – Good luck with that search.

“swashbuckling chicken” – I just…I…wow.

“so i stopped the apocalypse” – …and now I’m looking for something else to do.

“things that are going well in schools” – Aw, this made me so sad! I just imagine some depressed parent looking for just one example they could point to that something was going well in our schools these days…and only able to find my blog.

“rocket propelled banana” – Not sure what it has to do with me, but I’m in!

“advantage of pseudopods” – Plastic surgery has gotten so crazy these days. People are actually weighing the merits of attaching pseudopods?

“von trapp dog training” – So long, farewell, arf wienerdog, goodnight.

“just simple drawings of different types of puppets” – That’s all I’m looking for. Is that so much to ask, Internet?

“zombie narwhals” – This one captured my imagination. I googled it myself and found a surprising number of hits! There’s a wealth of information about this topic. I never knew narwhals were such staunch zombie fighters! And the possibility that all their zombie fighting might inevitably lead to a few zombie narwhals has come up a time or two before. Absolutely fascinating.

“zombies vs jedi” – I’m sorry, but this wouldn’t be much of a fight. I don’t know how I’ve never considered a lightsaber as a zombie fighting weapon before, but I’d be hard pressed to imagine anything better for slaying zombies!

“The first snowfall of the winter of a boys 18th year means he must take his first step towards manhood.” – This was actually a spam comment, but it is definitely the strangest one I have ever received!

2,000th Comment!

/ Shane / 1 Comment

Thank you to Alexis, who just provided the 2,000th comment on my blog!

This is very exciting to me, you have no idea. I’ve been watching for a month or so, as all the important dates in my life came and went (the year I was born, the year I graduated high school, etc.). And now we’re up to the 21st century! (Yes, I am aware that technically we need to get to 2001 comments for the 21st century.)

So anyway, thanks to everyone who comments on my blog. I love to hear from you! And special thanks to Alexis, for (unwittingly) being my 2000th. To thank her, how about we all go read her blog? Or better yet, we should all go order something adorable from her Etsy shop. I’m partial to the “Arrgh, Kiss Me Booty” onesie and the “I’d Rather Be Nursing” bib, but perhaps you would prefer a customized Pillow Sham (in other words, I don’t think she forces you to get the one with the picture of Jackson, Elliot, and Ayla on it, even if it is pretty awesome).

Google Searches V

/ Shane / 2 Comments
Since my friend Dan mentioned it on his blog, I decided it was time for another round of strange Google searches. These are things that people searched for that somehow landed them on my blog.
  • “funny things to say at a bachelor party” – That’s pretty lame my friend. Make up your own jokes. And I have to assume this is the same guy who later searched for, “sayings for bachelor paintball” and maybe even “sweet to say on monday quotes”. Dude, you’re trying too hard!
  • “that noise robert downey jr makes in sherlock holmes” – What in god’s name does that mean? Did he make a noise in that movie? If so, what else is there to know about it? This one really baffled me.
  • “zombie wizard of oz” and “wizard of oz zombie art” – Both are topics found on my blog, but not usually in conjunction with each other.
  • “congratulations you are alive” – Thank you?
  • “creeper stare” – ::sigh::, I guess that’s me.
  • “antonym of sleepwalk” – Uh…is the opposite of sleepwalking just sleeping? Or did they mean walking around while not sleeping?
  • “awful face” – Aw, really? And they found me? Geez. Good thing someone else searched for “heaven fantasy picture” to balance it out.
  • “why geeks shouldn’t have children” – Ouch. I guess I’m the poster child for this? That one cuts deep.
  • “flannel sheets dry skin” – Ugh, god! Most horrible search term ever! ::shudders:: Why would you be looking for that? I’m looking to *avoid* that!
  • “zombies and skylights” – I don’t know what this one could be, but it sounds like a bad combination to me, hombre.

Google Searches IV

/ Shane / 1 Comment

It has been nearly a year since I’ve done one of these. Mostly this was due to the fact that search engines were no longer ranking my page as high as they had been. However, things seem to be getting back to normal now, because strange searches are starting to trickle in again. Allow me to demonstrate:

  • “from the desk of an evil genius” – Hello. Do we have a new blog title?
  • “hide and seek champion” – At least 3 people are still looking for him…but that’s what makes him the champ!
  • “pooping on boat” – In the bathroom hopefully? Does this require instructions?
  • “sara s 2nd birthday party pictures” – I guess this is someone searching for a specific set of birthday party pictures, with the super common name of ‘Sara’? Yeah, good luck with that. The fact that they found my blog means they were desperately clicking on a loooot of links.
  • “40 year old creeper” – Hey, I’m not that old!
  • “and then i was bacon” – I actually received more than 1 hit on this. Maybe it was a dream? A very good dream…
  • “smell my gas” – I don’t know why someone would be searching for this. Maybe they’re looking for someone to perform this service?
  • “what does the tickle monster look like?” – Like Oliver.
  • “scary zombies” – As opposed to the cuddly, non-scary ones? Good thing they qualified their search.
  • “older floozies” – This is obviously the place to come for older floozies. It’s practically my specialty! Older floozies, get’cher older floozies here!
  • “crime of hairacy” – The worst crime of all. Lucky for this person, I have, in fact, covered the crime of hairacy in a post.