From top to bottom: Evelyn at one month, Oliver at one month, and Alexander at one month
One Month Comparison
From top to bottom: Evelyn at one month, Oliver at one month, and Alexander at one month
baby
Alex at 1 month
So, uh, I’ve been trying to get this post out for a few days, but…one month old!
I can’t believe he’s a month old already. I mean, talk about time flying! He has already changed so much since he was born. On one hand, it’s exciting because I know all of the fun things that are still ahead of him (walking! talking! Agricola!), on the other hand…too fast, too fast! I feel like each baby is a baby for less time than the previous baby.
On the purely physical side, he’s up to 11.2 lbs and just about 23 inches long, with a head circumference of an impressive 39.5 cm, putting him at the very tippy top of every growth curve. He’s like the last of some sort of mythical giant race (never mind, all Halbachs are kind of a mythical giant race).
On the non-physical side, Alex is pretty easy going. I can’t decide if he doesn’t cry that much, or if by the time you get to your third baby you have built up a crying tolerance. He smiles at people (or clocks, he’s not picky), and he will “talk” to you sometimes, like if he says, “Ahhh” and you say, “Ahhh” he will smile and ahh back and forth with you a little bit.
For some reason, that boy loves diaper changes. The changing pad is the only place that he is reliably happy. He’ll just lay there and look around…it’s the one thing guaranteed to snap him out of a crying fit. I love when I take him in there in the middle of the night and he just streeeeeeeeeetches out. It looks like the most luxurious stretch that humankind has ever experienced. He also likes looking at lights (something I remember from the other kids), taking baths, and long walks on the beach.
He still wakes up multiple times per night, but I feel like we’ve managed that about as well as it can be managed (mostly by going to bed early and trying to get Sara extra sleep when we can). He does seem like maybe he’s starting to consolidate his sleep a little bit now: staying awake longer during the day and going for a couple hours at a stretch at night.
I’d say the hardest thing is just that, with Sara and I reliably going to bed so early, it makes it difficult to stay on top of things. By the time the other kids get to bed, we have time for about one thing, max, and then it’s bed time. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for dishes, laundry, Downton Abbey, what have you.
Evelyn is really good at soothing him. She picks him up and sings to him, and he stops crying, just like that. Her singing in particular seems to sooth him, and he just loves to stare at her face while she’s singing (and she loves to sing, so it’s a win/win).
Ollie is torn as to whether Alex should hurry up and grow up, or else stay a baby forever. For example, he really wants Alex to sleep in his room with him. Sara said maybe he’d be ready for that when he’s a year old, but Ollie wailed, “But I won’t love him as much then!” He’s also convinced that Alex says things to him; he’ll run in and say, “Alex just said ‘Hello’ to me!”
Both kids are really sweet with Alex, and just adjusting really well in general to having a baby in the house. I haven’t detected any hint of resentment or anything like that. Maybe it’s just that they’re old enough that they’re past all of that, or maybe that will come later, I don’t know. But so far, everything has been surprisingly pleasant!
Parenting Check In
So, I’ve been a little short on time lately, and consequently updates have been sparse on the ground. We’re here, still surviving.
I remember this with the other kids as well: the first 2 weeks are relatively nice. Baby pretty much just wakes up for pictures, then goes back to sleep. Generally agreeable. Suckers you in. Then, just when you think, “Hey, babies aren’t that bad!” *BOOM* The real baby shows up.
Just kidding. He’s really not so bad, but there have been two developments:
- Kid got his full set of pipes.
- Now that he’s a little more awake and alert, he’s taking a significant portion of that awake/alertness during the night.
If Alex could write, he would definitely write me a letter like this. Poor daddy, last in love again. Naturally, he’s most happy with Sara, and big sister and big brother will always be interesting, but daddy mostly only shows up to take him away from mommy (i.e. hold him for 5 seconds to let Sara go to the bathroom). Usually the sight of my face alone is enough to send him into a fit (yeah yeah, you feel the same way, hardy har har).
The way it works is that Sara is basically welded to Alex, and I take care of Evie and Ollie. Unfortunately, neither of those roles is really a one person job, so we both could use help from the other. It really goes to show you that raising children is meant to be a multi-generational thing. Takes a village to raise a child and all that.
To that end, I want to say thank you to everybody who has helped us out over the last few weeks. Whether it was picking the kids up from school, or watching Alex while we got some sleep, or keeping him occupied while we run around and fold laundry, or all of you who have brought us food.
Seriously on the food thing! Every few days another *HUGE* meal shows up (which usually lasts us a couple of days). It has been so helpful just to not even worry about that part of it, and I sincerely thank you all for taking the time and love to make us your favorite meals. They have been extremely appreciated.
The upside of Alex getting older is that we’re just now entering into the “he’s aware of people” stage, and just in the past few days he has started to smile. Absolutely nothing in the world is better than a big, ear-splitting, baby smile. It’s just an expression of pure joy, and it lights up his whole face. “Did that human-shaped head-thing just *moo* at me?? How delightful!”
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that there are worse ways to spend your time than pursuing baby smiles.
Me, and babies, and sleep
Apparently I look tired.
I know this because everybody says it to me about every 5 minutes. I mean, I feel tired, but sheesh! I must look like a bag of gravel. It’s starting to give me a complex.
However, I’ve come to realize this is just what you say to new fathers. “You look tired!” It’s the new hello. The female equivalent for new mothers is apparently, “You look good!”
Sara is particularly bemused by everybody telling me how tired I look. “HE looks tired?” she says, bemusedly. “HE looks tired?” It’s true: my nightly contributions are relatively minimal. A couple of diaper changes and that’s it. Of all my many faults as a father, my inability to lactate is chief among them.
Like it or not, it doesn’t change the fact that I am (apparently visibly) tired. I know it’s not fair, but there it is.
Sleep and I have a very complicated relationship. Just after I graduated from high school, I had a sleep study to determine the cause of my constant sleepiness, especially falling asleep in school and falling asleep while driving. They stuck all these electrodes on my head and told me to go asleep so they could monitor me for things like apnea and narcolepsy.
Now, some people might find it difficult to go asleep in a hospital with a bunch of electrodes glued to their head, but then again that’s kind of why you’re there in the first place: *falling* asleep isn’t really the problem.
After a full 8 hours of sleep they have you try to take a nap every 2 hours the following day. “Don’t worry if you can’t sleep,” they said, “just do your best.” Every time they would come in afterwards I would say, “Sorry, I couldn’t fall asleep this time,” and they would say, “You’ve been sleeping for 30 minutes.” My average time to fall asleep was under a minute.
(Side note, I never thought I would find someone who could fall asleep faster than me, but Sara always has. If she can stay awake for a whole minute after she lays down, I’ll eat my hat.)
So, after the sleep study, the doctor said, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you, but obviously something is, so we want to put you on medicine.” I didn’t like that line of thinking, so I got a second opinion. This time I agreed with him.
“You just need more sleep than the average person: you need 10 hours a night, and you’re getting 8. So you’re shorting yourself 2 hours of sleep every night. Of course you’re tired.”
This was an amazing revelation to me, and after that I have made simple modifications to my life: trying to go to bed earlier, not driving at night, etc. I did finally realize that everything in my life is better when I’m well rested: I have more patience, I’m less grumpy, I feel better physically, I can do more at work, I think I manage my weight better. So it’s definitely worth it to go to bed early (most of the time…). And I think as I’ve gotten older I don’t need *quite* as much sleep as I used to, or else maybe after all this time I’ve just gotten used to always feeling tired. (I also drink a lot more coffee now.)
Anyway, back to babies.
Because of all of this, it’s really just not fair. If Sara has 4 hours of sleep, and I have 6, we’re basically going to be at about the same level, sleeping-wise. However, I can’t fault her, sitting back there at 4 hours of sleep and saying: I would KILL for 6 hours of sleep! Don’t you dare complain! Wouldn’t blame her at all for that. And at the same time…I don’t know. I’m just really tired, I can’t help it!
Now, the good news is that we’ve been married for 11+ years and this is our 3rd child. We’ve kind of figured things out at this point. The water has found its level. I think that she probably did hold stuff like that against me back when Evelyn was born (at least a little bit), but at this point she just says, “Hey, why don’t you get some sleep?”
And of course I take her up on that, because I’m really, really tired. But then I’m also really, really guilty for not being a better partner, and a better father.
Just one more reason raising kids is hard.
Alexander in Pictures
Shane Halbach 