Quote Monday is a dad-annoyance

<Sara watching school webinar while making dinner>
Alex: “Are they teaching you how to cook better?”

Me: “So you’re excited to go back [to in person dance]?”
Evelyn: “Yeah! I’m the oldest dancer in the class and everybody stares at me!”
Me: “And you enjoy that.”
Evelyn: “It’s the only reason I’m still dancing!”

Me, hugging Alex: “I’m so glad you’re my child.”
Alex, hugging me back: “And I am so glad that mommy is my mommy.”

Ollie: “Can you turn my light back on for a second?”
Me: <turns light on> “One one-thousand!” <turns light off>
Ollie, laughing: “Ugh, Dad, you are so annoying!”
Me: “It is a dad’s duty to make terrible dad jokes.”
Ollie: “That’s not a dad-joke, it’s a dad-annoyance.”
Me: “There is a very fine line between those two.”

Quote Monday Celebrates Christmas

Evelyn, wistfully: “I can’t wait until I’m in college. I’m going to have a flat screen tv!!”
::Sara and I exchanging glances, knowing we had a 55 inch flat screen tv wrapped and hidden in our room for months::

Alex: “Plain black pants go with everything, but gray pants only go with a few species.”

Alex: “I’m trying to eat breakfast and then here comes Ollie and he’s like, ‘I don’t know what to get, so I’m just going to do a silly dance!'”
Me: “Yeah, Ollie is pretty good at distracting you.”
Alex: “Well, he does it because he loves me and wants me to be happy.”

Awww! This is both sweet and 100% accurate on all counts.

Quote Monday has an average Halloween

Me: “Anybody who is not in their room by the time I count to five has to clean a toilet!”

(Sara made me write that one down!)

Me: “Alexander, did you open that lip balm after we told you not to??”
Alex: “Well… It was a couple of hours AFTER you told me not to…”

Alex: “This is the best Halloween I’ve had in like a year!”

Quote Monday is fond of squirrels

Evelyn: “Does this outfit look like something a teacher’s pet would wear? Because it’s really hard to convey that over zoom.”

Me: “Will you do a beauty salon on me sometime?”
Alex: “When you get more hair.”

Alex: “What does fond mean?”
Me: “It means you like something. Like if I said I’m fond of you it means I like you!”
Alex: “I’m very fond of Mommy.”

lolsob

Crossword clue: Your nephew’s sister is your ______.
Alex, without hesitation: “Your wife!”

Evelyn: “…and we had this jingle that went like — OH MY GOD IS THAT SQUIRREL WEARING SHOES??”
Me: “That’s a terrible jingle.”

(I never did see if the squirrel was wearing shoes)

Evelyn: (while holding up a huge knife) “This would be great in the zombie apocalypse.”
Alex (who I will remind you is only 4 years old): “You don’t need a knife.  You only need a bat.”

And that, my friends, is called good parenting!

D&D For the Family

Someone familiar to readers of this blog would like to announce her latest project: a new website, D&D For the Family!

At D&D for the Family, we believe in making non-violent D&D adventures for those who are DMing for kids. D&D for the Family is a website filled with tips for DMs on how to DM for children, non-violent campaigns, adventures, and short one-shots, and so much more.

I encourage you to check out her site, and subscribe for weekly tips in your inbox!